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Emilie B - 04:17am Oct 19, 1998 (1.)
Il me semble que les francais sont plus entreprenants lors
d'une premiere rencontre...
Salut on dirait que les americains sont beaucoup plus effraye
des que quelqu'un les aborde dans la rue> Aquoi cela eest-il
du?
Hello!
Most Americans are concerned with their security in the USA.
Bu that does not mean that we are not receptive to people's affection.
Bonjour a tous!
Bon ben la je crois que c'est clair. Les francais et les americains n'ont rien contre le fait de faire connaissance avec une personne du sexe oppose si elle est physiquement attirante. Neanmoins ily a plus d'americains qui tournent les talons sans demander leur reste. Timides? :-))))
Ciao.
In response to Gwenael, I think that more Americans turn away
if someone smiles at them in the street because we are concerned
with the amount of weird people out there. It is possible that
the person is just being friendly, but it is equally likely that
the person is somewhat dangerous. So it is not that we are timid,
but because we need to be cautious given the amount of crime that
goes on in the U.S.
On dirait que les Américains sont moins agressifs qu'on
veuille bien nous le faire croire dans la plupart des séries
que nous importons de chez vous.
Si la terre était peuplé de gens comme nous ce
serait chouette! On pourrait rencontrer les gens plus facilement.
Le problème c'est qu'on a tous ou presque répondu
avec l'idée que la personne en face était un top
modèle (si si avouez, vous étiez flatés...)
ou au moins avait l' air avenant, alors en face de Quasimodo?
Je pense qu'il y a aussi une assez grande différence
entre ce que l'on imagine que l'on ferait dans cette situation
et ce que l'on fait vraiment lorsque cela se produit.
If I smile at someone on the street, I don't necessarily want
to start a conversation with them, or have coffee with them. Sometimes
I just smile because I'm in a good mood. On the other hand, it
might be nice if people were a little friendlier -- but only once
in a while.
I would like if Americans were more like the French in this respect. I think that it is good to take every opportunity to meet new people. What a wonderful way to do so, but with a smile. Unfortunately, it seems like the many people don't have the time to make new acquaintances, and quite a few don't even find the time to smile back. How sad...
Do you find that such contact happens often? How often do you
meet new people just by smiling at them?
Honnêtement je te dirais que j'ai rarement vu des gens
faire connaissance dans la rue après s'être souri,
mais peut-être que c'est arrivé à certains
d'entre nous et je ne voudrais pas généraliser.
Je veux bien croire que c'est arrivé dans le métro
(où les regards ont le temps de se croiser plusieurs fois)
ou dans le bus, mais comme ça dans la rue...
Regarding 'smile' from a stranger, I think that women and men
react differently.
Salut à tous!
Je suis de plus en plus surpris par le climat de défiance
qui règne chez vous. Vous hésitez à sourire
à quelqu'un dans la rue, vous n'osez pas demander à
quelqu'un de se taire au cinéma,... parce que ce quelqu'un
pourrait vous blesser ou bien même vous tuer. Néanmoins
je suppose que vous ne restez pas cloitrés dans votre chambre.
Alors comment parvenez vous à faire face à ce climat
d'hostilité? Est-ce que vous ne vous déplacez jamais
seuls en ville? Par ailleurs, est-ce que votre campus est aussi
un endroit dangereux où l'on a peur de sourire à
un simple étudiant qui croise votre chemin? Je trouve que
cela confère une vision peu conviviale aux USA. Chacun
(sur)vit seul (ou dans un groupe restreint) dans son coin sans
se soucier des autres, car ceux-ci pourraient les tuer. C'est
un peu pessimiste je trouve.
don't think that we would react the same way with other
students. if another student is smiling at you, they probably
know you from somewhere so i would smile back. However, if a complete
stranger, at the airport for example, smiled at me, i would tend
to want to avoid the person in the future because as others have
mentioned, there are a lot of weird people out there.
In response to Gwenael, the campus of MIT is not terribly dangerous as far as crime is concerned. However, the surrounding areas a bit more dangerous. Walking alone in the day is usually o.k., but if you're going somewhere at night, it is recommended that one travel in groups.
This discussion of fear has made me think of a saying I once heard...
"A life lived in fear is a life half lived."
Basically, if you don't smile back, or better yet, don't introduce
yourself, then you are passing an opportunity, one that probably
won't present itself again. Taking chances, like getting to know
a stranger, is risky, but it is what makes life richer. Do you
agree with this or think it better to be content with what you
already have?
En réponse à Thomas je suis d'accord avec
ce que tu dis et j'essaye dès que j'en ai la possibilité
de faire de nouvelles connaissances. J'ai d'ailleurs eu la chance
d'aider mon père qui travaille dans la restauration et
de connaître ainsi beaucoup de personnes que je n'aurais
pas rencontré sinon. Pour les rencontres dans la rue, j'ai
aussi eu l'occasion d'en faire et j'ai passé de bons moments.
Quick comment, i would have to agree with what thomas said,
and at the same time maybe turn the question around. If you would
respond to a smile and introduce yourself, or wouldn't, can you
think of a better way of approaching a total stranger that cought
your eye?
Salut à tous!
Eh bien oui, je suis d'accord avec toi Thomas. Je pense en
effet que cela ne coûte pas grand chose de sourire à
quelqu'un que l'on croise dans la rue plutôt que de fixer
le trottoir de peur de croiser le regard de quelqu'un. Alors,
après tout, pourquoi ne pas engager aussi la conversation?
Certes comme vous nous rencontrons des problèmes de violence
de temps à autres. Je ne dis donc pas qu'il faut absolument
chercher à faire connaissance avec toutes les personnes
que l'on croise dans la rue. Néanmoins, il me semble personnellement
qu'ignorer quelqu'un dans la rue (en ne lui souriant pas par exemple)
est une attitude plus dangereuse que de sourire. La personne en
face peut croire que vous la considérez avec dédain
et, là, la situation peut dégénérer.
I guess it does sound quite pessimistic that us Americans have
to react with paranoia to situations dealing with strangers, but
it can never hurt to be cautious. I hope we are not giving the
impression that we live in fear and are scared to go out alone
all the time, because that is not the case! Our campus is fairly
safe, but it is right on the edge of a city, so given our crime
rate in the city, it is always good to be with another person
when you're out late at night.
I think what Claire said was interesting. While I think people
answered that they would talk to the person, it just does not
seem realistic in my mind to ask someone to go to coffee just
because they smiled at you. Perhaps this happens to extremely
forward people, but I just can not imagine it happening on a day
to day basis. Perhaps it is easier to say that you would talk
to the person, but I think when it really comes down to it, it
does not happen all that often.
Cynthia is right. It hardly ever occurs that someone is able to meet another simply with a smile. It is one thing to return their smile, or even greet them. It is another thing to say "Let's get some coffee." To trust a person that you do not know is very difficult, and it is also a little risky.
Krzysztof, to answer your question, I think that a better way might be to be more forward than simply smiling. It is obvious that many people would not be inclined to respond favorably from just a smile. You'd probably have to talk to them.
What does everyone think of Krzysztof's question? IS there
something else that a person could do to make you respond more
favorable - that is to say, not ignore the person that is approaching
you, but instead make you interested?
The other day when I was walking around Boston, I thought about
starting an in depth conversation with a stranger. However, I
know that I would never do that since I have grown up knowing
not to talk strangers. If someone were to invite to have coffee
with them just because I smiled, I would think that there was
some sort fo hidden agenda. I would be more likely to engage in
such a socially 'vulnerable' activity with someone who I see everyday
(but have never spoken to). Clara, you're right... I would definately
be more likely to have coffee with Tom Cruise rather then Quosimodo.
In psychology, we studied how babies instinctively smile at faces
that are attractive more than those that are not structurally
symmetric. I wonder which controls us more: culture or innate
psychology.