You make the world taste better Little Debbie has a snack for you The best part of waking up Good to the last drop Nothing puts out the fire faster Intro quotes I am the King of Payne. Welcome to my domain! I am Merlin, wise and old. Listen up to what you're told. It's a great day for jousting! Welcome to my empire! I am the King of Payne. My men will destroy you! Merlin's magic Well, let's see what we've got here... It's not tragic, you have Merlin's magic! Peasant ramp They took our wives! They took our national treasured historical monuments! They took our pinball machines! They took our chickens! They took our cows! They took our shrubbery! They took our children! The castle burns! Get the weenies! The castle burns! Get the marshmallows! Good work, men. I'll drink to that! Damsel ramp - Fat lady Save me, I'm getting hungry! Yoo hoo... mein helmut has horns! Damsel ramp - Sexy princess Yes, yes, yes! Now, now, now! I've got a reward for you... Ooh, I'm so lonely up here! Is that a sword in your pocket? Big dragon... but I bet you're bigger! Rescue the princess from the tower, I think she wants you... Not now, I have a headache. I'm getting really hot up here! Damsel ramp - Valley princess This dragon is, like, so scary! This dragon is, like, so gnarly. This is, like, totally medieval! Thank! Um, d'you have a horse? Damsel ramp - Eliza princess (librarian?) Save me, I'm a bloody princess! Damsel ramp - Brooklyn princess Such a nice boy--you wanna meet my mother? Don't be scared. Damsel ramp - Merlin/misc Toasties! Fatality! Catapault Fire! Pull! The catapault! Joust Sir Rubenstein charges the center lane! Alright, he breaks a limb! Come on, Sir Loin of Beef! Sir Loin of Beef... with the shishkabob! Castle - Sir Psycho You will never defeat Sir Psycho! I am Sir Psycho! Ahahahaha! You can't beat me, I'm medicated! You're driving me crazier! I'll crush you like a bug! Ahahaha! I'll tear you limb from limb! My castle! @small(I don't care, I don't care...) Again! Castle - Lord Howard Hurtz You will never defeat Lord Howard Hurtz! You know why they call me Howard Hurtz? Lord, Howard Hurtz! You're gonna sleep with the fishes. Now I'm gonna sleep with the fishes! D'oh, I wish someone would invent the gun! Lord, Howard Hurtz! "Boss, they made me an offer I couldn't refuse." "You fool!" Castle - Duke of Bourbon You will never defeat the Duke of Bourbon! I am the Duke of Bourbon! It's happy hour! I am the Duke of Bourbon, and I will destroy you! It's happy hour! Heeeey, where's the bathroom? Castle - Earl of Ego You will never defeat the Earl of Ego! I am the Earl of Ego. Kneel before me! Ah! Defeated by a mere pauper! No! Don't! I am the Earl of Ego, and I am far superior to you. Castle - Francois du Grimm You will never defeat Francois du Grimm! I am Francois du Grimm, and I will get medieval on your derrier! You cannot fight or cook! I will reduce you to french toast! I will reduce you to french fries! I laugh at you! Ha! Begone, you peasant from another kingdom! Ha! I've got another one just down the road! Big deal, it was a rental! Castle - Misc Ah, I never liked that guy anyway. Trolls Beware, knight, trolls to fight! Look out for trolls! Oh, no, smack a troll! Smack a troll! We eat you for lunch! With croutons and sprouts! Look! Your shoe is untied! Trolls rule! That's right, rule the univers! Humans ugly! Trolls, beautiful! Trolls! Trolls, do not fail me again. You call yourselves trolls?! Trolls... get 'im! Ha! My trolls will stop you! Ha! He was useless; I am invincible! We destroy you! Yeah, what he said! I'm outta here! Hurry ups Quick, shoot the castle. Shoot the castle! Destroy the castle now! Good good good! Excellent! Glorious! Hurry, shoot the castle! Ah, what skill! Multiball Joust! Peasant! Damsel! Catapault! Troll! Multiball madness! Royal madness Royal madness! Hurry! There's not much time! Misc Don't move! I will show you why I am the King of Payne! Replay! Match! Aha! Extra ball! Get the extra ball! The Earl of Ego: "Behold my splendor!" The Duke of Bourbon: "Quit makin' all that noise!" Sir Howard Hurtz: "Who the [bleep] are you?" Sir Francois de Grimm: "I will get medieval on your derriere!" Sir Psyco: "You can't beat me! I'm medicated!" The King of Payne "I'll show you why I am the King of Payne!" "It's getting hot up here - isn't anyone going to rescue me?" "Such a nice boy ... wanna meet my mother? Don't be scared ..." "BIG dragon ... but I'll bet you're bigger!" "Save me - I am a bloody princess!" From the peasants: "They've taken our pinball machines !" "They've taken our food !" "They've taken our wives ! [Lots of CHEERING]" "They've taken our children !" "They've taken our livestock and treasured historical monuments !" The princess (a.k.a. "Damsel in distress" ) has some great lines ... "Is that a sword in your pocket?" "I'm getting reallly hot up here!" "What are you? Some kind of prince or somethin?" "Uh, do you have a horse?" ... and more Trolls: "Yea we rule, rule the universe!" During an attack on the castle: "Do that again and I will break your finger !" Shooting the ball up the middle: "Sir Missalot charges up the middle" After you defeat the first troll the second one says: "He was weak I am strong." Lord Hurtz: "You're going to sleep with the fishes!" "I'm the Duke of Bourbon... I think!" "The castle burns! Get the marshmellows!" Stolen from the peasants ( "They've stolen our cows!" after "They've stolen our shruberies!")