Active listening is a foundation communication skill. Its primary assumption is that the listener is trying to understand the speaker's point of view or experience. The following tips, though not always possible in a given moment or place, will aid our effort to hear and understand what the speaker is saying.

Listening Tips that Aid Understanding

• Choose to listen (or not): If you cannot listen now but are willing, set a time for later.

• Find a good space: choose a place to talk without distractions.

• Take the time: let the other person tell their story.

• Respond (vs. react): choose your body language, tone, and intention.

• Show interest: make eye contact; focus on the person speaking; don't answer your phone or look at your email.

• "Hear" as well as listen: it is normal to miss some words or not know their meaning. Ask: "Could you say that again?" "Could you explain.?"

• Ask questions: ask for more information, for what happened. Ask if you understand: "Are you saying that.?"

• Clarify/Paraphrase: not everyone knows exactly what they mean to say. Check your understanding. For example, "It sounds like what you are saying is____. Is that right?"

• Be patient: It's not easy for people to talk about important things.

• Listen for content and emotion: both carry the meaning at hand. It's OK sometimes to say, "How are you doing with all this?"

• Learn: Listen for their perspective/their view. Listen for their experience. Discover or learn a new way of seeing something.

• Follow their lead: See where they want to go. Ask what is important to them (rather than deciding where their story must go or how it must end).

• Be kind: Listen with heart as well as with mind.

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