These are quotes from influential people who say funny stuff.

Lenczewskiisms

• "Small Bites"
• "Dial up god, and god says 'Go Shopping', so if they don't have what you want at Nordstrom, go to Gantos"
• "You have to sneak up on it"
• "Mumbo Jumbo Rubar Rubar"
• "You Lose"

Mattuckians

Professor Arthur P. Mattuck, my prof for 18.02 and 18.03
• "When you reach a roadblock, decide whether to abandon ship, or go on with the mixed metaphor"
• "Giving mysterious values names is an acceptable mathematical procedure"
• "Some people don't like the way this is done, this is me. Some people do something about it, this is not me."
• "it looks like broooooowsch da da da"-describing a saddle surface
• "You didn't tell me what it was.... by that of course I mean I didn't tell you."
• "If an ant can creep around a surface and not get suspicious, then it's a closed surface"
• "I don't know what the picture is... its a picture"
• "An ellipse is trying to be a circle, but unsuccessfully"
• "Some day, you have to learn to use the same letters for different things, that day is today"
• "Everything in mathematics has three names, a French, a German, and an Russian, they all claimed to have it first, sometimes there is an English name, but it is always Newton"
• "The more I say, the less you'll understand"
• "If you're upset, just pretend you're in a foreign country where z means y"
• "I did that wrong... oh I don't care"
• "Its a physical law, the only way to dispute it is to do an experiment, then everyone will think you're a crackpot"
• "This is hard to say correctly, I can't say it correctly"
• "Ugliness supercedes all rules of grammer"
• "You can watch helplessly while they come out terribly wrong and then give up"
• "Del is a vector, well not really. Well it's closer to being a vector than being anything else... except that del isn't anything... well it looks like a vector if you're sleepy "
• "The reason the answer is not 0 is because it doesn't make sense"
• "Watch my little finger, if you can't see it, why are you sitting so far away"
• "Put a bunch of little ants around and they report [in squeaky voice] "A little going here, a little here..." and the master controller ant takes the the answers and computes the curl"
• "If you're a book, you can't wave your hands, you have to wave your pages"
• "It doesn't matter officially, where you put the screwdriver, but of course it does"
• "This is massive retaliation against the physics professor who wrote our two weeks of vectors in one hour."
• "See! No sleight of hand, my sleeves are rolled up"
• "I pretended to prove it, all along, I knew I was faking it, I didn't think it would bother you until I told you that it should bother you"
• "I use quotes reluctantly, quotes are an asinine way of denying responsibility for what you write; it's like I didn't write this, don't blame me."
• "Arrrgh! Curses!"-many times
• "There is such a number, you'll just never know it"
• "Its a great travesty on the back chalkboard"
• "I do have a conscience, despite what they say"

Anders Buch

My TA for 18.02
• "How about this uggy bastard over here?"-about a messy integral(must be in heavy dutch accent)
• "There will be a review session on friday.... no, wait review sessions are illegal... hmmm.... ok there will be a meeting of the 'math club' on friday."
• "I got soft like a jellyfish"

Sadowayian

Professor Donald R. Sadoway, 3.091
• "3.091 is the most important class you will take at MIT"
• "There's no need to fret over that explosion, it wasn't due to frat boys this time."-(after a balloon filled with Sulfur Hexaflouride exploded)
• "They're laughing at me, We'll see who's laughing 11:30 on friday"-(test at 11)
• "You are the master of math, math doesn't master you"
• "Cream rises to the top, that's where that phrase comes from, there is also scum up there too..."
• "hey, it's not like it's a kitten."-While shattering flowers frozen with liquid nitrogren
• "Diamonds are a jeweler's best friend."
• " If you master Kinetics, you're a whiz in the kitchen. If not you have to follow directions."
• "Cations and Anions will lead you to the darkness, and in this season of light, we don't want you to follow that path."
• "A young man of so much potential; it's like all voltage and no current."
• "A leaving note to MIT freshman: Some day you will do something remarkable. Hopefully it will be remarkably wonderful and not remarkably stupid."
• "All that glitters is not gold, but it sure has free electrons"

Aronians

No pun intended there, ok I lied. My TA for 3.091
• "Let's pick a group 5 element, Aluminum, which is supervalent!" -Aluminum is Group III and is subvalent

Carterisms

My new improved recitation instructor Prof. W. Craig Carter
• "Carteronium, mass 237"
• "The idea is to make you so frustrated that you give up"
• "All there is to solving diffusion problems in 3.091 is to figure out how smiley face and stick man relate to A and B."
• "[Phase Diagrams are] like a baby's bottom, once you get to a critical point, you can't tell the difference between the left cheek and the right one"
• "My reputation as a scientist depends on people taking me seriously"

Olives

Professor Russ Olive (15.974)
• "When you need money, go to the three F's, Friends, Family, and Fools"
• "A high achiever before MIT, higher at MIT, and even higher afterwards, they work the bejeebers out of themselves for 125 years, then they go out to the woods, chop a tree, make a box and nail themselves in from the inside."
• "I figured you'd all be drinking beer until 7 and then start your paper"

Philip Greenspun

(this guy is really cool)
• "You have to have money for people to want to sue you"

Morse Code

Ken Morse, Director of the MIT Entrepreneurship Center
• "We call it nerd to nerd bonding"
• "There wasn't a lot of alcohol, that doesn't matter, those who know alcohol in China know it doesn't last"
• "'I'm from MIT, I left my GPS and home and I got lost!"

Boylisms

My High School Swim Coach
• "It's fun to swim FAST"
• "Stop Lollaging and get in the water Dum Dums"
• "Be Tuff!"
• "don't be a candy-ass"
• "Back in my day....."

Melisms

Kickass MIT swim coach
• "Pain is Weakness leaving the body"
• "Lunges are fun"
• "If it takes longer than 7 seconds, it isn't healthy"-referring to taking a crap.
• "If your butt doesn't hurt, you weren't working hard enough"

Harrisisms

• Grandpa had his knee op, gall bladder, and he's amputated his leg, he only remembers the amputation.. grandpa was held up outside a restaurant but he doesn't remember that either"

  The funny flight attendant: "Smoking is Prohibited, smokers will be killed." and "put the cup on your face and put the strap over your big head" and, "there will be a stylishly dressed continental agent dressed in a red polyester shirt".