>   
> (transcribed without permission from the Washington Post,  
> July 23,  1995)  
>   
> Style Invitational Report from Week 120:  
>   
> In which we asked you to come up with bad analogies. The  
> results were great, though we feel compelled to point out  
> that there is a  fine line between an analogy that is so bad it  
> is good and an analogy that is so good it is bad. See what  
> we mean.  
>   
> 4th Runner-Up: Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as  
>  Calvin  Klein's Obsession would smell if it were called Enema  
>  and was made  from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural  
>  floral fragrances.  (Jennifer Frank, Washington, and Jimmy  
>  Pontzer, Sterling)  
>   
> 3rd Runner-Up: The baseball player stepped out of the box  
>  and spit  like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches  
>  itself a lot  and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses  
>  to sign autographs  for all the little Greek kids unless they  
>  pay him lots of drachmas.  (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover  
>  Hills)  
>   
> 2nd Runner-Up: I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably  
>  is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or  
>  something, but I  don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread  
>  that nobody knows the name  for, like those little square  
>  plastic gizmos that close your bread  bags. I don't know the  
>  name for those either. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)  
>   
> 1st Runner-Up: She was as unhappy as when someone puts  
>  your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows  
>  down and then you  lose the recipe, and on top of that you  
>  can't sing worth a damn. (Joseph Romm, Washington)  
>   
> And the winner of the framed Scarlet Fever sign: His fountain  
>  pen  was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed  
>  the pope,  turned him upside down and started writing with  
>  the tip of his big  pointy hat. (Jeffrey Carl, Richmond)  
>   
> Honorable Mentions:  - He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch  
> tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy  Chase)  
>   
> - - The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots  
> when  you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver  
> Spring)  
>   
> - - The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after  
> the  Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)  
>   
> - - He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from  
> experience, like  a guy who went blind because he looked at  
> a solar eclipse without  one of those boxes with a pinhole in  
> it and now goes around the  country speaking at high  
> schools about the dangers of looking at a  solar eclipse  
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.  (Joseph  
> Romm, Washington)  
>   
> - - She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches  
> that  used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up  
> whenever you  banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy,  
> Fairfax Station)  
>   
> - - She was sending me more mixed signals than a dyslexic  
> third-base  coach. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)  
>   
> - - The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the  
> way a  bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)  
>   
> - - Having O.J. try on the bloody glove was a stroke of genius  
> unseen  since the debut of Goober on "Mayberry R.F.D".  
> (John Kammer,  Herndon)  
>   
> - - From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene  
> had an  eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in  
> another city  and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of  
> 7:30. (Roy Ashley,  Washington)  
>   
> - - Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.  
> (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)  
>   
> - - Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in  
> the  center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)  
>   
> - - Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access  
> T:flw.quid>55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets  
> T:\flw.quid>aaakk/ch@ung  by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker,  
> Landover Hills)  
>   
> - - Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  
>   
> - - Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life  
> was a  movie this guy would be buried in the credits as  
> something like  "Second Tall Man."  (Russell Beland,  
> Springfield)  
>   
> - - Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced  
> across  the grassy field toward each other like two freight  
> trains, one  having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55  
> mph, the other  from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35  
> mph. (Jennifer Hart,  Arlington)  
>   
> - - Upon completing kindergarten, Lance felt the same sense  
> of  accomplishment the Unabomber feels every time he  
> successfully blows  up another college professor.  
> (Anonymous, no city please)  
>   
> - - They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket  
> fences  that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak,  
> Syracuse, N.Y.)  
>   
> - - John and Mary had never met. They were like two  
> hummingbirds who  had also never met. (Russell Beland,  
> Springfield)  
>   
> - - His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking  
> alliances  like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free  
> (Chuck Smith,  Woodbridge)  
>   
> - - After sending in my entries for the Style Invitational, I feel  
> relieved and apprehensive, like a little boy who has just wet  
> his  bed. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)  
>   
> - - You made my day, even a day as gray as white cotton  
> sheets washed for decades in cold water without bleach like  
> no self-respecting woman who came of age in the 1940s  
> would allow in her house, much less on one of her beds, but  
> up with which she must put whenever she visits one of her  
> own daughters, just as if they had never been brought up  
> right.  (DEV, Madison, Wis)  
>