http://tribeca.ios.com/~wooster/rgquotes.html

Mitch: "Mom, I wanna come home"
Courtesy of Matt Bourjaily

Lazlo: "These are entries into the Frito Lay Sweepstakes. No purchase necessary, enter as often
as you want, so I am."
Courtesy ofTimothy L. Konczyk

Lazlo: "I memorized them."
Courtesy ofTimothy L. Konczyk

Lazlo: "Did you want to borrow my pajamas?"
Courtesy ofTimothy L. Konczyk

Dr. Hathaway: "Up the voltage."
Courtesy ofTimothy L. Konczyk

Chris Knight: "Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort-of sun-god robes on a
pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?.....Why am I
the only person that has that dream?"
Courtesy ofBridgette Berg

Chris Knight: "Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?"
Courtesy of Julie Teninbaum

Chris: "In the immortal words of Socrates, I drank what?"
Courtesy of Julie Teninbaum

Professor Hathaway:"Still run?"
Chris: "Only when chased."
Courtesy of Julie Teninbaum

Chris: "Ice is Nice!"
Courtesy of Julie Teninbaum

Chris: "Twenty points higher than me, thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?"
Courtesy of Kelly Woodring

Chris: "Would you classify that as a design problem or a launch problem?"
Courtesy of Kelly Woodring

Jordan: "It should've gone much further, much faster"
Courtesy of Kelly Woodring

Chris: "What about that time i found you naked with a bowl of jello?"
Kent: "I was hot and i was hungry!"
Chris: "So you say."
Courtesy of Kelly Woodring

Kent: "You'll Rue the day!"
Courtesy of Dan Fidler

God: "Stop playing with yourself"
Kent: "It is God"
Courtesy of Dan Fidler

God/Mitch: "What do you think a secret phase congegat tracking system is for? A big mirror
makes a big beam."
Courtesy of Dan Fidler

Jordan: "I'M NOT GAY!"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

General (Roy): "I wouldn't know Dave, I haven't had a working weapon since Korea."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Chris: "Because, if I wear it anywhere else, it chaffes."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Kent (to Mitch): "Can I get you anything?...A balloon?"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Jordan: "Are you peeing?"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Dr. Hathaway: "What's that smell?"
Chris: "Must be the dog."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Chris: "OK, given the type of people you are and the environment you are in, you have to admit the
strong probability that this may be the only chance you have in your entire lives, to have sex."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Guy with glasses(?): "Dr. Hathaway...Are you wearing make-up?"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Chris: "Hey Kent, that's your car."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Chris: "Listen, Jerry asked me to drop by, what did he ask you to do?"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Susan: "Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with you penis?"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Kent: "It is God."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Chris: "Hey could you snap it up buddy! We just flew in, we're late, we're tired, we're hungry, we
rented this stupid car!"
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Kent: "Yes, I mean no."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Chris(to Dr. Meredeth): "...first let me take this opportunity to complement you on your fashion
sense, particularly your slippers."
Courtesy of David Reinhart

Lazlo: "I won. 31.8 percent of the prizes though I'll have to figure that out."
Courtesy of David Reinhart



http://kuoi.asui.uidaho.edu/~kamikaze/real_genius.html

Real Genius

There is no god but Val, and Real Genius is his movie. 



Sounds Archive

C = Chris, D = Don, H = Hathaway, I = Ick, J = Jordan, K = Kent, L = Laszlo, M = Mitch 

allbrain.wav (47k) 
       C:"I didn't want you guys to think I was stuffy, you know, no fun, all brain, no penis." 
allscien.wav (19k) 
       C:"All science, no philosophy" 
answers.wav (27k) 
       C:"He thought that the answers were the answers to everything." 
areudone.wav (11k) 
       J:"Are you done?" 
ateitsel.wav (25k) 
       C:"Earlier today, it ate itself." 
authorit.wav (18k) 
       C:"It's just an infantile response to authority." 
avoidres.wav (112k) 
       C:"I'm kidding, it's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid
       responsibility." 
bastard.wav (14k) 
       C:"You unbelievable bastard." 
bingo.wav (27k) 
       M:"I notice you don't study too hard." C:"Bingo!" 
brainfry.wav (67k) 
       M:"We're going in the wrong direction, you're the only one who knows how to use this
       garbage, and of course you're never here, and finally I think I'm getting brain fry!" 
brillian.wav (30k) 
       H:"He's a senior now, and he's as brilliant as he ever was." 
buddyboy.wav (9k) 
       C:"You coming, buddy boy?" 
chafes.wav (39k) 
       "Why is that toy on your head?" C:"Because if I wear it anywhere else, it chafes." 
charge.wav (25k) 
       C:"Okay, let's charge this baby up, give me everything you've got." 
cia.wav (21k) 
       "Besides, the CIA is a responsible agency." 
classify.wav (38k) 
       C:"Would you classify that as a launch problem or a design problem?" 
closet.wav (33k) 
       M:"Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?" C:"You've seen him too?" 
coming.wav (36k) 
       D"Where's the laser?" H:"It's coming." D:"It's coming? Ha! It's not even breathing hard!"
crash.wav (23k) 
       <SFX>Penis extender flying through window</SFX> 
cynic.wav (224k) (needs cropping) 
       C:"It's easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I'm a cynic. I'm such an asshole." 
defense.wav (38k) 
       "There's no defense like a good offense!" 
degenera.wav (81k) 
       K:"You're just a bunch of degenerates." C:"We are? What about that time I found you
       naked with that bowl of Jell-O?" 
destiny.wav (25k) 
       C:"Destiny! I've got her now!" 
didumake.wav (55k) 
       K:"And I suppose you're in on this too, did you make this stuff?" I:"I'm not saying." 
disappoi.wav (25k) 
       H:"You're disappointing me, Chris." C:"And you me, Jerry." 
discrimi.wav (46k) 
       "Crossbow, this is Watchdog, confirm all transmissions on discriminator." 
doinhere.wav (43k) 
       H:"What is it, Don, what are you doing here?" D:"What am I doing here? What are YOU
       doing here?" 
dont_act.wav (48k) 
       H:"Don't act as if I don't want my own invention to work, there are only so many hours in
       a day." 
dontdo.wav (39k) 
       C:"Don't do that. If you make that call, it's our jobs, we're 4 hours late." 
dontouch.wav (18k) 
       H:"Damnit, don't touch other people's things." 
dream.wav (152k) 
       M:"Something strange happened to me this morning." C:"Was it a dream..." 
duplicat.wav (32k) 
       H:"I need you to do some duplicating, get copies made of all the data so far." 
einstein.wav (73k) 
       H:"You know, when I first brought you into this school I thought you'd become another
       Einstein. And you were well on your way. And then..." M:"I got a haircut." 
everythi.wav (49k) 
       "Welcome to Everything." 
explodin.wav (27k) 
       I:"It worked! Now if we can just keep it from exploding!" 
fritolay.wav (296k) 
       L:"No, these are entries into the Frito-Lay sweepstakes..." 
getsleep.wav (60k) 
       C:"Why don't you get some sleep, it's not like we're driving or anything. You're still a
       growing boy, I hope." 
go_girls.wav (46k) 
       "Let's go, girls!" "Wh-wh-what do you mean by that?" 
good_eye.wav (13k) 
       J:"And I have a pretty good eye for that sort of thing." 
grov_bug.wav (71k) 
       H:"Now you listen to me, you grovelling bug!" 
harikari.wav (79k) 
       C:"Needless to say, I was a little despondent about the meltdown. But then, in the midst
       of my preparations for hari-kari, it came to me..." 
havesex.wav (200k) 
       C:"Given the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the
       strong probability that this may be the only chance you will ever have in your entire lives
       to have sex! Think about it!" 
hecrackd.wav (38k) 
       M:"So what happened? Did he crack?" C:"Yes, Mitch, he cracked severely." 
heylazlo.wav (60k) 
       C:"Hey, Laszlo. Laszlo?" L:"Oh, that's me." 
hfor_toy.wav (88k) 
       C:"All my filth is in alphabetical order. This, for example, was under 'H' for 'Toy'." 
honorsys.wav (31k) 
       H:"Remember, we believe in the honor system here, boys and girls." 
howfunny.wav (160k) 
       K:"Buddy boy, buddy boy, let's see how funny you think this is." 







Dr. Hathaway: Mitch, there's something you need to know. Compared to you, most people have
the IQ of a carrot.

Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment
you're in, this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives to have sex!

Dr. Hathaway: Bodie, I noticed you stopped stuttering.
Bodie: I've been giving myself shock treatments.
Dr. Hathaway: Up the voltage.

Chris: First, you have to get back at Kent, it's a moral imperative.

Chris: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under
'H' for "toy.
Mitch: What is it?
Chris: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of attempts to avoid responsibility.

Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris: Fine. I'll gain weight.

Chris Knight: It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is
how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it! Nudity!

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

Chris Knight: Kent put his name on his license plate.
Mitch Taylor: My mother does that to my underwear.
Chris Knight: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

[In the men's room.]
Jordan: Are you peeing?
Mitch: Uh, I can't start.
Jordan: Because I'm here?
Mitch: I think so.
Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go.
Mitch: Me too.

Dr. Meredith: A bit of advice...
Mitch: Oh, uh, thank you...
Dr. Meredith: Always...no, no...never...forget to check your references.
Mitch: Uh...ok...thank you. I'd better be going. [leaves]
Dr. Meredith to his wife: I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down" verbally, don't you?

Old Lady: Tell me, what's Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.

Professor Hathaway: You still run?
Chris Knight: Only when chased.

Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is
Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in his head]
Mitch Taylor: And from now on, stop playing with yourself!
Kent: It is God!

Mitch Taylor: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god robes on top of a
pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No...
Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?

Chris Knight: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... Well,
that's where you're right. But -- and I am only saying that because I care -- there's a lot of
decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

Professor Hathaway: What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's
what you get for not having an education.

Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch Taylor: Uh, no sir, I think I intimidated most of them.

[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's
house]
Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me
know.
Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.
[She walks out]

Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates!
Chris Knight: Oh, really? Well, what about that time I found you naked with that bowl of jello?
Kent: You did not!
Chris Knight: This is true.
Kent: Yeah, well I was hot and I was hungry!

Mitch Taylor: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch Taylor: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch Taylor: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch Taylor: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there!
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him!
Mitch Taylor: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch! Twenty points higher than me? Thinks
a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I
drank what?"