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Many people ask, "Isn't it great that you have a Cold Stone Creamery
across the street?"
No, it's not. Even if you don't mind consuming chain-store ice
cream in the middle of a city with the world's best independent
ice cream makers, you have to acknowledge that it tastes like
grocery store crap. That's because it is! Of course, Cold Stone Creamery
"uses only the finest ingredients." Let's take a look at the ingredients
that make Cold Stone's ice cream base so special.
Cream
Milk
Sugar |
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The normal ice cream ingredients. |
| Condensed Skim Milk |
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A source of non-fat milk solids
(aka "serum solids") used to maintain an ice cream-like texture despite
high "overrun." Low-quality ice cream manufacturers introduce
air into the ice cream to increase its volume. Frozen ice cream with
100% overrun (the maximum legal amount) has twice the volume of
the original ingredients. Cold Stone does not declare its overrun,
but you can take a guess since this one is high on the ingredients list. |
| Corn Syrup |
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A low-cost sweetener to reduce the
need for sugar. Probably also used to depress the freezing
point for "creamier" ice cream. |
Guar Gum
Carageenan |
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Freeze/thaw stabilizers used to retard
the growth of ice crystals in shipping, during which the ice cream
("freshly made," according to the signs) is subjected to changes in
temperature. Guar gum, a vegetable derivative, is non-digestible.
Carageenan, an extract of red seaweed, also acts as a tasteless thickener.
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| Cellulose Gum |
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A non-digestible thickener/stabilizer. |
Mono- and Di-glycerides
Polysorbate 80 |
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Emulsifiers. In real ice cream,
the emulsion is held together by the lecithin and protein from eggs.
Since Cold Stone does not use eggs, they have to add these chemicals.
Glycerides are produced from low-cost high-fat hydrogenated oils.
Polysorbate 80 is derived from sorbitol and is also used as a chewing
gum plasticizer.
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| Annatto Extract |
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Yellow colorant. Is ice
cream supposed to be yellow? |
If that doesn't make you uncomfortable, watch a Cold Stone employee
when someone puts money in the tip jar. They are apparently required
to smile, acknowledge the tip, and sing a song about being happy every
time this happens. I've seen this with my own eyes, and is it ever
painful. According to the Cedar Falls Courier:
If customers leave a tip, employees sing a song. The songs are based
on a public-domain title, such as the "I Don't Know But I've Been Told"
military march chant to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." The words are
changed to include references to ice cream and Cold Stone.
Wearing pieces of "flair" must not be humiliating enough!
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