'Quotes from "real" people
-------------------------

When dealing with other players, act like you know everything.  You'll
get more information that way.  When dealing with Gamemasters, act
like you're utterly confused.  You'll get more information that way.
	-- Walter Stickle

When asked what faction or group you belong to, lie.  Unless you're in
the same group as the person who's asking you; then it's okay to tell
the truth.  
	-- Harley

Minions never behave properly once you promote them to girlfriend.
They start getting all uppity.
	-- Laura Baldwin

no shit, there i was, pinned down by a deadly hail of enemy wires,
and all i had on me was a roll of insulating wire and an
I/O card-- in its original static-proof wrapping...
	-- daN and Dean

Oh good grief.
Look, sooner or later you're going to have to come to terms with
the fact that programming is evil, computers are evil, and 
everyone who comes in contact with them is tainted for life.
You are dipped in the blood of enslaved electrons, your soul blackened
with solder, your ethics core-dumped.
	-- Andy

It's very difficult, when shooting yourself in the head, to make it
just a flesh wound.
	-- Laura

Sorry, I gave up World Domination for Lent.
	-- Mike

When I become omnipotent, problems will fall away like the end of this
simile.
	-- Mike

It doesn't deserve one.  People become millionaires making broken software
which sells like hotcakes.  Meanwhile those of us with our eyes set on deep-
rooted innovation will continue to toil onwards, deriving perhaps some small
satisfaction from our advances, turning a blind eye to the crass stupidity of
an industry seemingly determined to remain on a crash course with self-
immolation.  Eventually logic will stop getting smaller, even if it takes a
long time.  Then, WHAMMO!  Don't say I didn't warn you.
	-- jan

"On your feet, soldier!  Don't you know that right now,
machines made by Intel and Sun are slotting your
motherboards and daughterboards?  Don't you care that your
sunny California homeland is presently being microsoftened
up by carpet bundling?  I don't want any excuses, soldier,
I want you to go out there and process, process, process
for the good old SG of I!  Now MOVE OUT!"
	-- Andy, as a pep talk to revive a dead SGI

Loving someone is easy; getting along with them is the hard part.
	-- Laura

Being the devil means never having to say you're sorry.
	-- Andy
makefiles are the devil.
	-- Andy
Being a makefile means never having to say you're sorry.
(the problem with saying random things is that they can combine in
 unfortunate ways.)
        -- Andy

And everyone knows, you can drive a man to the airport, but you can't
make his wasp drink.
	-- Jan

For every missed opportunity, there is a bad idea.
	-- Jan

i shall cleanse the stain on my honor with the club soda in your veins!
	-- Jamie

And I tell you, there is a special PLACE IN HELL for the poisoners,
the sinners, the godless software engineers who daily bow down before
their temples of sand.  They shall be cast into the desert and the
dust from whence they came!

	-- Jan

The future can really chafe.
	-- Tom

It's impolite to Doom your elders.
	-- Jamie

Whatever you do, don't press the quit button.
	-- Jeremy

Real vulnerability, letting all of one's defenses down, isn't something
we often have the chance to do.  It's quite pleasant in itself.
	-- Grant

Legos are immune to anthrax.
	-- Mike Richters

Angst is trite.  Resolve it.
	-- Jeremy Brown

i've given him enough rope to shoot us all in the feet!
	-- Jamie
[Jamie has since noted that this is not original from him,
 for which he earns two demerits.]

I figured, if we need someone to convincingly swear allegiance to them and
report back everything we need to know for the conquest, who better than
tom? :)
	-- J

The peach blossom falls
rests upon my lady's hand
contact poison sucks
	--Laura

Eating this is like being beaten up by Michelle Yeoh-- 
it hurts, but a part of you says "Hey, that's cool."
	--Andy, in reference to a pasta dish I made.

Pork chops are rarely as cool as psychic powers.
	--Marleigh

It's a cross-time cryogenically frozen satanic priest love plot,
and that's just at your end.
	--Eddy, talking to me about my Nexus character

It's hard to laugh maniacally when you're being squished like a bug.
	--Nick

I refuse to be the reincarnation of a soup tub!
	--Laura

I have no hinges!  I am a screw top! 
	--Laura

I think it's the GM's responsiblity to leave sharp objects around
for the characters to mess with themselves with.
	--Andy

I'd look forward to the Devil if he came with OddWorld.
	--Andy

Don't destroy clients.
If I ever see you destroying a client, I shall deactivate your
 account and sow your files with salt, and reserve your UID for 
 sloan management students unto the seventh generation.
        --Laura

it's amazing how with the internet a bit of pop-culture can
become tiresome in 1/100 of the time it used to take.
        --Andy

Tom Giordano: paradigm of moral virtue.
	--Dave Leung

it's quite unfair to make me parallel process
 between answering your questions and answering your questions.
that breaks my timeline special effect terribly.  :)
	--Laura

Seduction is not a skill that armor check messes with. In fact you can get 
bonuses. It's like corsets, but sexier in a Xena sort of way.
	--Jim

Rumor has it Tom is still alive, but chained to his desk and barely
riding.  So sad.  At this rate he'll be getting married, having a kid,
and dropping nearly entirely out of racing to follow his destiny as a
club president...
	--Ed Norris

I believe in fate, or at least psychic CD players.  Music is what you
make of it.
	--Sami

What is the maximum airspeed velocity of an unladen camel? 
What is the maximum explosive impact of a bin laden agent?
	--Jamie, at a Millennium meeting

One of these days I'll hit upon the right method for the devil
to use, but I haven't hit it yet.
	--Andy

I have a strange life...  
whips and leather, calzones and unhappy knives, karma and iBooks...
	--Kat

Ok... I'll give you Nebraska and Kansas.  Those probably are just 
some sort of interdimensional portal of wheat and corn...
        --Kat

remember, if you don't get corrupted by power, what's the point of having it?
	--Andy

it's like the vienna boys choir does DatapointMapTargeter.java.
	--Andy, about a text-to-speech program reading source code
	  in "opera singer" mode

I have forgotten more silly children's games than you will ever know.
        --Kat

Pirates are non-transitive.
	--Kat

Bouncing breasts are better than gratuitous violence.
	--Andrea, in a discussion on Tomb Raider and the role of
	  callous attitudes towards sex and violence in American culture.

Evil is omnidirectional.
	--Andy

You never have to eat alone if you're a cannibal.
	--Andy

I did.  I tried procreating twenty-three times in game based on what
the Pope told me and eventually had to resort to weird occult stuff in
ruined temples to make any progress with it.  But this is really
digressing.
	--Susan Born, in a discussion of human cloning and following Vatican
	  doctrine

I'm not picky, I'll sleep with anyone.
	--Nick, on figuring out who would share beds on a trip to Germany

You know, I just dreamt that you were telling me about people selling
 palms made of butter on ebay.
And that was how I knew I was asleep, and for that matter,
 that it was your dream and not mine.
Very strange.
	--Laura

I'm willing to surrender to foolishness in favor of expediency.
	--Mike

I'd rather have vast and terrible powers than meatloaf.
        --Marleigh

The Giant Squid is God's Chosen Creature.
	--Jan

I like leather more than turnips.
        --Erin

I hate printers.
I hate them with the passion of a thousand fires
of a million broken hearts
With the heat of a newborn star (or a broken fuser)
My hatred for them is unending and unfailing.
	--Kat

Must get pumpkins.  And rewrite VUI Specs.  And defeat Kathava.
This is a busy week.
        --Marleigh

I'll pout whenever I damn well please.
	--Nick

"After a successful Athena release, I... kill everyone
 and take the loot."
        --Greg Hudson, on alignment tests

Maniacal laughter should be part of everyone's daily life.
	--Susan Born

Kill me, and the GM will be gritting his teeth and saying
 "We gave him a restaurant mechanic because he *asked* for
  one.  And then he goes and shoots her.  Where in his sheet
 does it say "you want to kill Laura?"  No!  It says
 "You want to go to better restaurants first!"  I hate it 
 when people do that!"
        --Laura

You realize, of course, if you said yes,
 you would be able to force me to have a worm
 carrier as part of my wedding. :)
	--Laura

Puzzles that open gateways to hell should not be so cavalier with
singular and plural words.
	--Susan Born
	 
peeps are definitely microwave porn.
        --Andy

He has doom usable by friends area effect penetrating, no conscious control.
        --Pete, about Jerry's character

Bondagecomm and giant spiders might be a little weird, but I think it would
work great.
        --Susan Born

That's gotta be violating some rule that we need to make up.
	--Uriel

there are no happy computer science thoughts.
        --Andy

Calling someone a frog conspiracy theorist temporarily causes my brain
to hurt because it is capable of trying to link the Pentagon,
airplanes, Arabs, lecture circuits, and small amphibians.
	--Susan Born

You can't rant and play the bongos effectively at one go.
	--Jan, comparing Aimee L. Smith G and Steve Penn G

I'm just a paragon of corruption.
        --Erin

I'm stuck right now on the monkeys.  I can't find a surgeon who can give
laser eyes to twenty thousand monkeys in a reasonable timeframe.
        --Andy, reporting his progress towards World Domination

Wow!  You can buy police over the phone.
That's really convenient.  It's pesky trying to buy them at the scene of
the crime.
        --Mike, about police telemarketers

Lunch is fundamentally a command-line operation.
        --Grant

she brought me mail and pants. what more would you want in 
a girl?
	--Nick

What do I have to do to get a lesbian cat girl?
	--Heidi

Meditation is much like a pornographic movie.
	--Andrea

Senility allows me a wide margin of behavior.
	--Andy

Holy armor is more impressive than caffeine avoidance.
       --Marcus, on Mormonism

tea is not a sovereign remedy for all ills, just so we're clear.
       --Charles

"So, you're saying that you destroyed my mac by remote control with
 an automated signal from your secret headquarters?"
"Um, our headquarters isn't secret."
       --Mike vs. Apple Tech Support

the holy grail is to be able to wear a fish like a hat with no worries.
       --Andy, on fashion

I prefer my murder revenge and cannibalism delivered in dialogue.
       --Andy, on musicals

the whole double taxation thing is a canard, the sort of cape republicans
like to wave to take our eye off of their bull.
       --Andy, on tax cuts

the glass is half empty, better drink it before some other bastard does.
       --Andy, on politics

Yeah.  Those pesky undead and demons.  Didn't seal my cereal properly,
and it was crawling with them this morning.  And you've always got
to check your boots before putting them on.  That "crunch,squish" sound
means a demon with an exoskeleton crawled in for warmth, and then you've
got to change your socks again 'cause demon ichor is just messy...
       --Marcus

Homicide bomber, homicide bomber
Homicide bomber hates suicide bomber
They have a fight, both of them win
Still-standing bomber:
Homicide bomber.
        --Susan Born

software is like knitting, but performed in a room full of lively cats.
	--Andy

I try to have you break eggs and make omlettes, 
and instead you paint it and call it Easter.
	--Andy

this is really not as hard as a ten-day.
        --Laura, on wedding preparations

but it has less zombies.
        --Andy, in response to the above

I think the problem is that they don't have a point.
They've got a blunt.
        --Andy, re: PETA

Hillary Clinton would be cooler if she were played by an evil Angela
Lansbury.
	--Susan Born

He's a sweet boy, bless his heart, but he has veins like fishnet stockings.
        --Marleigh, about me (said in a southern accent)

A million Shakespeares on a million typewriters will eventually produce
GNU autotools.
	--Discussion at work

monkeys, it takes only a few, and not too long.
	--Andy, re: the above

If I can't be rich, no one else deserves to exist!
        --Derrick

When coding, always ask yourself "What would Saruman do?"
        --Jeremy N, on defensive programming

"I sometimes forget that I'm married."
"Hello!?!  Standing right here!"
	--Laura and Jerry

it's like eating a twinkie, and finding out the inside is filet mignon!
	--Andy, on a proposed mecha-vs-Cthulhu RPG

All of your jokes leave a hangover of regret.
        --Rick, to Ibrahim

Who needs petroleum products when you have sheep?
        --Jess

When I type
Meta-x-write-my-PhD-thesis
I get a "no match" error.
Why would emacs need a match?  Is it saying I should just burn
all my research now and escape in the confusion?
        --Marcus

Primordial alien bioplasm looks a lot like duck sauce.
	--Marleigh

Most of today's fashions don't accentuate the tail.
        --Erin

Nine out of ten of my quotes involve the Devil.
        --Andy

Your momma isn't here to :q! for you!
        --Izzy, on vi boot camp

I always associate you with utopia.
	--Andrea, on G&S and me

You're the Matthew Broderick of twinkies.
        --Laura, to me

I get to die heroically, all the time.
She hates it when I do that.
	--Heidi, on DaoC, and her character's girlfriend

I try not to live my life from musicals.
Though if I have to, maybe I'll choose Sweeney Todd.
        --Andy

if you're in the cast i promise to reduce the number of
set-related death-traps by half
	--Ethan Tyndall, trying to recruit me

Java and world domination don't go together.
        --Andy

I am the precise location of villainy.
       --Clint

I'm good at being patient.  As long as I can STAB SOMEONE while being patient.
        --nim

andy shultz: fastest metaphor in the west :)
	--Andrea

I count my lack of a radula and inability to squirt ink as two of my
greater failings.
	--Susan Born

Utah is just as real as flying cows.
        --Marcus

You seem, um, more turing-complete than most zephyrbots.
	--Laura, on me

Andy has always been soft and squishy and cuddly.  Sort of like a sea
cucumber.
        --Erin, on Andy

There's something very undignified about being dumped for a dead goose.
	--Erin, on foie gras

"Fortress, the successor to FORTRAN"?  That's like saying 
"Kruschev, the successor to Stalin".
	--Andy, on marketing programming languages

occasionally, one finds oneself questioning one's motives. this
inevitably leads to exceeding ones maximum allowed recursion depth.
    --Maitland

Tom is a good roleplayer, but everything he does is carefully
premeditated.
    --Susan Born

C makes baby jesus cry.  Or it would if his tears weren't converted via pointer
miscasting into burning hot sand.

C++ makes baby jesus cry tiny tentacled monstrosities which go on to consume
the universe in slime and fire.  Or they would except oops, pointer error again.
    --Andy

I always have several women throwing themselves at me simultaneously.
    --Jan

our new laws, rendered as C:

 if (person = terrorist) {
            punish_severely();
} else {
            exit(-1);
}
   --Andy

If I get Tom angry, he can destroy everything.  It's a win-win.
   --izzy

Napping is like contemplating George Bush.
   --Charles

You are the Zombie Queen, undead fiend, with a fungoid sheen,
Zombie Queen, shambling, to the tambourine... </abba>
   --Susan Born

If I were to make a nerd deodorant, I'd call it Assert.
   --Maitland

Dude, Ash Wednesday.  It's not just for watching Evil Dead.
   --Susan Born

I had not thought of my current corporate culture's lack of deathtraps as a
flaw before, but it totally is.
   --Susan Born

If you give me a hedgehog duct-taped to a crazy straw,
I'll find a use for it.
   --Courtney Shiley

Laura is useless for sympathy about how terrible the bureacracy is,
because she works for the bureaucracy.
   --Mike