SPAM Haiku 2001-2100

Move backwards to Numbers 1901-2000.

2001.
O'er black bubbling vat,
Snout, ears, feet, and fat. This, that.
Witches cackle, "SPAM!"

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2002.
The SPAM man cometh.
Appease him with mayonnaise,
Incense of burnt toast.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2003.
Take some SPAM to class.
Teachers love it rolled into
Tasty pink globules.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2004.
Time for a quickie.
You look so pretty in pink.
Wham, bam, thank you, SPAM.

--Denise Kaisler

2005.
Twist off the gray strip.
Plant a spoon in the substance.
Lick that bastard clean!

--brad phillips, cphillips@cybergate.net

2006.
Hannibal Lecter
says to a piggy, "Had it
with chianti. Slurp!"

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2007.
i don't think spam's real
it wasn't ever there, see?
it is just a myth...

--heather joan williams

2008.
Diner. Kerouac
rhapsodizes over wild
American SPAM.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2009.
SPAM and SPAMmess get
Hitched. Wedding feast at Hormel's.
Guests bring own ketchup.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2010.
Volunteers for SPAM?
First pig gets best can and a
Hormel house for life!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2011.
At the abattoir
Party, some pigs, crazed with gel,
Made spamicide dives.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2012.
We are all like SPAM:
Curdled, low, fat-meat pork-cube,
The low sucking sound.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2013.
Memories of pain:
Cubes of cold finger pinkness,
Lips still fear mustard.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2014.
Finally his face
eats SPAM, strained hard, explodes his
SPAM with SPAM candles.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2015.
How can cans of pork,
sixty year-old silent pork,
spam information?

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2016.
The SPAM is placid
When falls to toilet from poor,
Would be an icon.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2017.
It glows, strange blues catch:
A ballroom SPAM-aid can buy
Cloves with boys' sex toy.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2018.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.
Wherefore art thou so mighty
and green? Close the can.

--Frogboy@chaven.com

2019.
Go to sushi bar,
ask chef for SPAM maki roll.
Harakiri! Ick.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2020.
I really like SPAM
If you don't really like SPAM
Then you are not cool

--Anonymous

2021.
Seeking "Meaning of
Life," Hormel conceives SPAM loaf.
Pig-essence "Soul-food."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2022.
Multi-purpose SPAM
Fills cracks, mends roofs, excludes draughts.
Food as last resort.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2023.
Repel all muggers.
Load a sock with SPAM; keep cocked.
One deft swing K.O.s.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2024.
Affectionate SPAM,
Loving you from the inside.
What a tender thought!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2025.
Sam Spam, hard man, ran
Ham-gang till Bill Pig, big wig,
Got point and hit joint.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2026.
Hormel's out, watch out!
Save your snout, there'll be a rout.
Oh my! Hide in sty.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2027.
A boar is a bore.
A pig is a prig, but SPAM's
Just anti-social.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2028.
"What's that squealing, Jock,
Bagpipes?" "Naw, 'tis a haggis
Courtin' wi' a SPAM."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2029.
You've never had SPAM
Au Sardines avec Cornflakes!?
Try some now with cream.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2030.
That's enough spamming
For now. Let's forget Hormel,
Pork, sties, and pink pigs!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2031.
Wooden boy made meat--
Should have wished to be made real.
It's SPAMmocchio!

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2032.
The pink mass quivers.
I clean my plate and get sick.
Must find the toilet.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2033.
Post Make-Money-Fast,
Or eat pink meat from a can.
They're both the same thing.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2034.
Rubbery pink teat,
Filled with lard and gelatin--
It's a SPAMmary.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2035.
Bought a SPAM T-shirt
Blue with yellow SPAM logo
Take it off rarely

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

2036.
Wore my SPAM boxers
Struck down by a speeding bus
Paramedics laughed

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

2037.
Unemployment strikes.
Unfortunate workers trade
pensions for pink meat.

--Anonymous

2038.
Fingers torn and red,
Naked metal in the bin,
My SPAM free at last!

--Diarmuid, 2nd son of mickman

2039.
Pig snouts, virgin grout
Seek union with unknown grit
In Spamful of bliss.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2040.
SPAM, SPAM, good to eat,
SPAM, SPAM, a wonderful treat,
SPAM, SPAM, slab of meat!

--tzwz37b@prodigy.com

2041.
The SPAM piranhas
can skeletalize a cow
in two seconds flat

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2042.
If you send me SPAM,
you may get a pork chop back.
Check the mail daily.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2043.
I need to get laid.
Hark! Yon demon cometh near.
I've got SPAM for brains.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2044.
I threw up SPAM once.
Now I'm gonna barf again.
Huh, huh, cool. SPAM chunks.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2045.
Beavis and Butthead
Eat lots of SPAM. No wonder
they're so fucking dumb.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2046.
SPAM: Shit, Puke, And Mud
Not included in the damned
Ingredients. Wow.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2047.
Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise men
and one complete fool.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2048.
My Christmas haiku
is a month late. That SPAM muse
is so damned fickle.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2049.
Trapped by the blizzard.
No food except SPAM. I would
rather freeze to death.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2050.
Snow covers the fields.
A pink slab breaks the whiteness.
A blizzard haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2051.
Budget gridlock hits
White House state dinners: SPAM is
served to diplomats.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2052.
Khruschev dumped old tins,
began space race by launching
SPAMnik satelites.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2053.
Evita eats a
slab of SPAM, sings "Don't Cry For
Me, Minnesota."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2054.
Woody Guthrie shares
some pork: "This SPAM is your SPAM,
this SPAM is my SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2055.
If a SPAM falls in
the woods, but no one hears it,
does it make a "splat"?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2056.
Karate and pork.
Blue 'n yellow tins kickbox.
It's Jean-Claude van SPAMme.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2057.
A ticking blue tin.
An explosion of pig snouts.
UnaSPAMer strikes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2058.
Feed SPAM to Congress
To line their stomachs for more
Pork barrel spending

--Massie Ritsch, meritsch@princeton.edu

2059.
SPAM: pink and slimy
Like a gooey eraser
Bizarre simile

--Massie Ritsch, meritsch@princeton.edu

2060.
Confucius, he says,
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Once opened, goes off."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2061.
Lucrecia B. says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Tempting but fatal."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2062.
Gargantua says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Pink and seductive."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2063.
Simple Simon says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Better in the dark."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2064.
Sir Lancelot says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Makes you want to scratch."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2065.
the wise man once said
we are what we eat therefore
we're pork substitute

--Ian Furst, taozer@best.com

2066.
Princess looks for frog;
Is it too late? It can't be!
Already in SPAM...

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2067.
Searching for frog prince
Gone! She screams at Hormel, then
Opens can--he winks.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2068.
Shall I compare thee?
"Quite frankly, my dear," she cried
"I don't give a SPAM!"

--Jo, daughter of mickman

2069.
"Mr. Creosote,
Aftah-dinnah SPAM waffah?"
You won't want to see.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2070.
Bruce Willis sent back
To thwart pink virus release
By 12 SPAMonkeys.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2071.
Creatures of the dark,
SPAMs flubber and gobulate.
One more sleepless night!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2072.
Old Nick mixed pigs with
Sin, sex, and insanity.
"What'll we call it, Horm?"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2073.
Sleeping in a tin,
You must drive a fork through its
Heart to kill the SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2074.
Down in the valley
Something stirred. Just old Hormel,
Crunching a nerd. Oink!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2075.
small emergency
back-up dog eats SPAM. potted
meat food product not.

--James Ewert with appologies to Dave Barry, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2076.
Kraft macaroni
SPAM slices, toaster oven
childhood memories

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2077.
Risen from ashes
Hardened pink flesh and gristle
A crazed SPAMzilla!

--Mike McGaff

2078.
Waiting for fallout
Hormel soldiers in hiding
Degreasers deployed

--Mike McGaff

2079.
SPAM conquers Asia
Morals weakened by pink fat
Cellulite rampant

--Mike McGaff

2080.
Now behold the SPAM!
Piggy went to die for us;
What a bloody waste!

--Bernard S. Greenberg, bsg@world.std.com

2081.
Basketball with SPAM
Is fun. The net cuts such cute
Pearly pink streamers!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2082.
Who's a scurvey knave?
Okay, we fight with bare SPAMs.
No bread rolls allowed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2083.
Pinkwhite globs glide down
Silent protest from within
Arteries weeping

--Jim Gordon, jag@hiwaay.net

2084.
Two thousand of them!
Who would have thought good old SPAM
so fascinating?

--Grant Hicks, ghicks@us.oracle.com

2085.
weightlessness of space
SPAM sits heavy in stomach
no SPAM astronauts

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2086.
SPAM there/SPAM not there
uncertainty principle
have to turn the key

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2087.
Picasso applies
SPAM to a canvas. Where's the
nose, the ears, they ask?

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2088.
Homeless man, hand out.
I take SPAM can from my bag.
Abrupt refusal.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2089.
SPAM can in space probe
Humans are an evil race
Aliens declare

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2090.
My Jewish girlfriend
naked, handcuffed, blindfolded,
doesn't know it's SPAM.

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2091.
Bosnian Muslims
IFOR stupidly feeds SPAM
Jihad soon erupts

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2092.
My tongue was worn out
Used SPAM for cunnilingus
She came forever

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2093.
I carved a phallus
Sculpted from contents of blue.
Oh, dammit--it's limp.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2094.
Archimedes drowns
In SPAM bath: shouts "Akerue!"
Which means "Me dense Greek!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2095.
I often wonder
Would SPAMela Anderson
Be as popular?

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2096.
I saw some SPAM once.
Does anyone eat this stuff?
There's a scary thought.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2097.
Yes, I once liked SPAM.
But he eats SPAM all the time!
Now I hate SPAM. Newt.

--Mason "I'll take that Spam!" Greicko, PoohVA@mail.erols.com

2098.
A block of pure SPAM
My tongue licks over my lips
Damn, it tastes like ass

--"Holden Caulfield"

2099.
Twelve o'clock, lunchtime
Wolfing down a SPAMBURGER
Indigestion sucks

--"Holden Caulfield"

2100.
My girlfriend eats SPAM
"Only sexy guys eat it"
What I do for love

--"Holden Caulfield"