SPAM Haiku 301-400

Move backwards to Numbers 201-300.


301.
Philosophers ask:
How many SPAMs comprise a
Technicolor yawn?
--john "friday is spam-day" sahr

302.
Man rubs square blue can.
Genie appears. Grants wishes.
Man sez "SPAM! SPAM! SPAM!"

--Bill T. Cat

303.
SPAM, SPAM, no more SPAM.
No more SPAMBURGERs either.
SPAM, it really stinks.

--Geoff Johnson

304.
Kate never had SPAM.
I am a woeful father.
SPAM, not toast, for her.

--Paul Johnson, Kate Johnson's dad

305.
What if I vomit
And saved all the small pieces?
Could I call it SPAM?

--Anonymous

306.
Would SPAM taste good with
whiskey, vodka, tequila?
Only if you're drunk.

--Anonymous

307.
It's time to repaint--
But out of paint remover?
Well, smear on the SPAM.

--Anonymous

308.
What if I spread it
over your body? Will you
have a Spamasm?

--Anonymous

309.
Apollo 13.
Kevin Bacon: his best role?
SPAM-In-A-Can, man!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

310.
Oat bran or the SPAM?
Longing, calorie counting,
yearning salt and grease.

--Susan Kim, susankim@visar.wustl.edu

311.
Is it called abuse
If the only wrong you do
Is feed your kids SPAM?

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

312.
SPastic Awful Meal
My thoughts about this stuff which
No one here shares. Bah!

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

313.
Vegetarians
Have all the luck. They do not
Feel the pain of SPAM.

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

314.
Hormel needs taste test.
Hires dogs to eat SPAM.
Dogs get up and leave.

--Susan Ratisher, HMVNipper@aol.com

315.
If I were Buddhist,
I would need to REALLY sin,
To come back as SPAM!

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

316.
Sexy smooth SPAM legs
waxed fatted and lyrical
straddle my porky

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

317.
Strip down the carcass
Vacuum clean those bloody tracts
Very spick-and-spam

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

318.
Burnt or buried dear?
We had him spammed just like Dad
Can I have a slice?

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

319.
Royal etiquette:
When serving the Queen supper
Slice the SPAM thinly

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

320.
When I look at SPAM
I soooo lasciviously
think of you and me.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

321.
Eyes, tubes, ears, and tails
bowels, bladders, hairs and nails
spa-spa-spa-spa-SPLAT!

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

322.
SPAM pass me the SPAM
Wow that's tongue from your big pork
Annoink my breasts Lord

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

323.
Do something for me
Would you? See that happy pig?
Grind it to a pulp.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

324.
Wham bam "Grand Slam" SPAM
mashed, meshed, netted, and returned
Advantage, rich farm.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

325.
S! P! A! M! SPAM!
A cheerleader's cheer for the
Harlem Pig Trotters.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

326.
Not funny haiku
Sorry to send them e-mail
Oink oink oink oink oink

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

327.
Darkness, then the air
I'm sliced, I'm chewed, I'm swallowed
Years go by, then SPLASH!

--plui@hyperreal.com

328.
Cold toilet water
My shit-brown blubber erodes
Behold, Pink Beauty!

--plui@hyperreal.com

329.
Swim! O Pink Lightning
Lead me through the deep, dark depths
Instinct be my guide.

--plui@hyperreal.com

330.
Stream flows by Hormel
Dredged and canned, I live again!
Darkness, then the air.

--plui@hyperreal.com

331.
SPAM is thick pink lard
that's eager to be devoured.
Too bad, yes, too bad.

--Anonymous

332.
If she ate some SPAM
Attractive Cindy Crawford
Would never get laid

--John W. Phillips

333.
Outside of all time,
Before and after eating,
SPAM exists, unchanged.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

334.
Tangy salt and fat
Glistening pink ecstasy
Just a buck a can

--Rob Chi, Jim Hone, and Aaron Barth

335.
Waiter, I would like
SPAM cocktail, shaken not stirred.
It's been quite a day.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

336.
Make six cuts through SPAM,
get twenty-seven SPAMS: this
is not food for thought.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

337.
I think that I shall
Never see a SPAM as love-
ly as a SPAM tree.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

338.
Sumer is cumin
in: SPAM, cuckoo, cuckoo SPAM
Cuckoo SPAM cuckoo

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

339.
Grow some SPAM of your
own, amigo; grow some SPAM
of your own at home.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

340.
I see you shiver
with antici- SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM -pation.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

341.
Get back at your boss
Make him drink a lot of beer
Shove SPAM down his throat

--Anonymous

342.
That SPAM I am not
But then I ate all the SPAM
Now that SPAM I am!

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

343.
Chinese SPAM roll, please.
From column A, column B
Pork fried SPAM with rice.

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

344.
Porky Pig eat SPAM?
A porcine quandary indeed.
"Now leth's have thome thPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

345.
Rectangular child.
Incestuous coupling of
Treet and Dinty Moore.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

346.
Mute pink sacrifice,
No witnesses except for
Unseeing stove eye.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

347.
Recycled SPAM cans
Collected from roadside ditch
Paid for my college.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

348.
Carried in car trunk
In case of emergency.
Just don't eat the crap.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

349.
Maligned creation.
Vienna Sausage love child
Born out of wedlock.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

350.
Luncheon meat phallus
Falls under my knife for a
Quick circumcision.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

351.
Pig-grinder vandal.
SPAM-factory laborer
Brings world to its knees.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

352.
This line ends with SPAM.
This line has SPAM in between.
This line's run out of...

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

353.
Ben and Jerry say,
"Try our new ice cream flavor:
Choco-Toffee-SPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

354.
Ms. Piggy eschews
A small bit of frog in SPAM
Good for what ails you

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

355.
Flotation device
Made of SPAM staves off hunger
In emergency.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

356.
Porcelain goddess
Accepts my offering of
SPAM, chocolate milk.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

357.
Pig parts gelatin.
But Bill Cosby only eats
J-E-L-L-O.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

358.
Blue and yellow can
Making Christmas dreams come true.
Serendipity!

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

359.
Bouquet of pig parts.
Olfactory orgasm.
Savored aroma.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

360.
Across my dreams dance
Large-breasted women and SPAM.
Freud would be baffled.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

361.
Leaning to kiss her,
Smelling her breath, I thought of
Love and luncheon loaf.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

362.
Fabricated loaf
Of unknown consistency.
Molded perfection.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

363.
Glom together parts
Of pigs not used for others.
Low-buck luncheon loaf.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

364.
Vacuum seal whispers.
Malodorous scent escapes.
Contents glimpse freedom.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

365.
Driving with Ute friends.
Miles of silence pass before,
"Price of SPAM is up."

--Anonymous

366.
Urban SPAM Theory:
Old McDonald had a spig,
Ee-Ii-Ee-Ii-Oh.

--john "brainless in Seattle" sahr

367.
Miniature tadpoles,
Mine had one X, one Y...SPAM?
Oops, thought you said sperm.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

368.
Conjugate the verb:
I spam, you spam, he/she spams.
In any tense, bleah.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

369.
Mix one loaf SPAM with
Five psilocybin 'shrooms, bake.
See the Great Pink God.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

370.
Crowds of refugees,
Starving. UN airdrops SPAM.
Muslims flee from planes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

371.
Mickey Mantle and
the "Bewitched" guy. New livers?
Let them transplant SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

372.
Endless agony,
Straining, pushing; finally
Sphincter relaxes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

373.
Come in here, dear boy.
Open a tin--goes far. By
The way, which one's Pink?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

374.
Read ten SPAM haiku
SPAM is fun to ridicule
Submitted ten more

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

375.
I saw SPAM at lunch
He did not look very well
Perhaps he ate SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

376.
I saw SPAM at lunch
He looked a little bit green
Perhaps he ate SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

377.
Iraqis give up
They only had SPAM to eat
during Desert Storm

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

378.
SPAM in can is great,
It can really last, but SPAM
on stick is mobile

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

379.
SPAM went to the store
Had to buy some Chunky Soup
In the next aisle, Mom!

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

380.
SPAM goes to D.C.
Wins seat in legislature
Pork-barrel funding

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

381.
SPAM asks his mother,
"What's great about being SPAM?"
"You'll never grow old."

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

382.
Ms. Piggy and Frog
have child, unsure of father,
So they name him SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

383.
Writing SPAM haiku:
Could only write nine before
The SPAM muse left me.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

384.
Oh please, Mommy, please!
All the other kids eat SPAM...
She said "No." Denied!

--Lisa

385.
Haltingly goes SPAM,
cubed and formed meat-like product,
from plate to gullet.

--Matthew Watters, bwatters@unlinfo.unl.edu

386.
SPAM, my special ham,
pink and pounded in the can,
fools Mother Nature.

--Matthew Watters, bwatters@unlinfo.unl.edu

387.
Manure, plant, pig, plant,
can, store, home of poor, manure:
life cycle of SPAM.

--Matthew Watters, bwatters@unlinfo.unl.edu

388.
Hear me, oh SPAM Man,
Spawned from the great, blue SPAM can.
I now have the runs.

--Bryan@aol.com

389.
The blue can is square
Why not a circular can?
Too much like dog food

--Anonymous

390.
FDA approves
Seventeen rat hairs per SPAM
Do they shave the rats?

--Anonymous

391.
Pork shoulder and ham:
Ingredients of Hormel's
Orgiastic feast

--Anonymous

392.
Vat of proto-SPAM
You don rubber hip-waders
To brave the pink tide

--Anonymous

393.
Pigaro's Wedding:
by Mozart, otherwise known
as Spamadeus.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

394.
Greek pastry delight:
Spamakopita! Yum, Yum!
I eat with gusto.

--Liam Friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

395.
I SPAM what I SPAM
I'm Popeye the Sailor SPAM
Ock-gek-gek-gek-gek

--Liam Friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

396.
Addiction profound
Work shunned, and friends forgotten
for the SPAM archive

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

397.
I wear handsome clothes
And I really despise SPAM
Oh God! Am I gay?

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

398.
Plastic, crinkly wrap
Extract one, delicate Ritz
Spreadability

--David Loomstein, Remora7@aol.com

399.
Pink fractal landscape
Revered by Monty Python
The stuff of legends

--Anonymous

400.
Chopped pork shoulder meat
With a bit of ham added
Sodium nitrate

--Mike Nolan,nolan@naic.edu


Move forwards to Numbers 401-500.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.