SPAM Haiku: Ingredients

SHAM-87.
What's really in SPAM?
Biologists say it's a
Can of nematodes.

2.
Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass--
Pass another slice.

--Christopher James Hume

3.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?

--Christopher James Hume

4.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork, please

--Christopher James Hume

7.
The SPAM looks forlorn.
At least it isn't head cheese!
I eat it with verve.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

13.
Each day at my job,
I work with pig eyes thinking:
Are these things in SPAM?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

17.
What are the clear parts?
My mind reels, thoughts turn to hooves.
I'd best just eat it.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

23.
I think of SPAM bits
Sitting in a park at noon
What are they made of?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

24.
SPAM enters and leaves
digested, as if unchanged
WYSIWYG food-stuff

--Dave Hysell, daveh@vlasov.phys.clemson.edu

93.
Use eyes, ears, nose, toes
to fill the SPAM can, but please
omit the assholes.

--Greg Fielding, greggf@destiny.esd105.wednet.edu

101.
At least there are no
salivary glands in the
eternal blue can

--Anonymous

102.
SPAM, oh SPAM, come near
For there is a gap in me!
Pig guts. Nevermind.

--Paul Johnson

138.
Someone please tell me
Do they have to starve the pigs
When making SPAM LITE?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

171.
Much uncertainty
Enshrouds the contents of SPAM.
But who really cares?

--Dr. Mellow (Greg Cohoon), drmellow@catt.ncsu.edu

179.
All the piggy parts
No one would want to consume
Pulverized and pink

--Anonymous

203.
Snouts, ears, hooves, and such
Maybe floor sweepings as well
SPAM! Food of the gods!

--Pat_Williams@itd.sterling.com

208.
Snouts and hooves and eyes,
Oh my! Come here, my pretty
pretty meat-like food.

--Lonnie Grantham, granthl@aa.wl.com

209.
SPAM? Chipped pork and ham?
Much better than Treet, is SPAM.
Can I have your SPAM?

--Lonnie Grantham, granthl@aa.wl.com

211.
Qu'est-ce que c'est, ce "SPAM"?
Une viande formidable?
Non, je ne crois pas.

--Lonnie Grantham, granthl@aa.wl.com

217.
Colostomy bags
Emptied into squarish cans
The SPAM factory

--Anonymous

241.
SPAM, are you father
to hot dogs, baloney and
Chicken McNuggets?

--Bill T. Cat

257.
Frolicking fat frog,
Living near the factory.
Now he is SPAM too!

--Bill T. Cat

279.
The SPAM mystery:
unidentifiable
ancient pork secret.

--Jackie Groce, grocej@cmc.cz

289.
Only that which ain't
Used for hot dogs and sausage
Is made into SPAM.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

293.
Bones, blood, and sinew.
Eyeballs, gonads, and sphincters.
Could be anything.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

321.
Eyes, tubes, ears, and tails
bowels, bladders, hairs and nails
spa-spa-spa-spa-SPLAT!

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

363.
Glom together parts
Of pigs not used for others.
Low-buck luncheon loaf.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

390.
FDA approves
Seventeen rat hairs per SPAM
Do they shave the rats?

--Anonymous

391.
Pork shoulder and ham:
Ingredients of Hormel's
Orgiastic feast

--Anonymous

400.
Chopped pork shoulder meat
With a bit of ham added
Sodium nitrate

--Mike Nolan, nolan@naic.edu

412.
Manufactured snail
in a tin, oozing away
on a slimy trail.

--John Lee

429.
SPAM is born of pig--
All the parts chopped and stirred in
Procrustean stew.

--Anonymous

511.
Processed pig offal
Unidentifiable
Maybe edible

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

523.
Is that stuff aspic
Surrounding pink baloney?
Where's that damn can key?

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

549.
Pork loin and shoulder--
Hormel swears it to be this...
Too good to ask twice!

--Mark Paulin, markp@funway.com

550.
Testicles. Sphincters.
Were they washed before grinding?
Who knows otherwise?

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

604.
Porcine and bovine;
Equine and canine. Hormel
won't discriminate.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

612.
Symbolic haiku
Conceals its true content, and
We'll never know it

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

613.
Deconstructing SPAM,
One can find ingredients
That were never there

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

614.
Zen Buddha SPAM quest:
"What are the ingredients?"
What do you desire?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

638.
Spare lips and assholes
Various alien parts
My dog sniffs, and runs

--Marie Britton, athena7@ix.netcom.com

643.
why do I eat it,
why do I consume pig parts
that do not recur?

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

707.
disgrace to all swine
a body part potpourri
packed in brown jelly

--Dawn M. Martin

808.
Cool, pink chunk of meat,
remains of Grade "E" hot dogs,
in a square blue can.

--Anonymous

809.
It's lips and assholes
Forever no more, no less
Snails, Possum, And Mice

--Superfly EditorAGoGo Adam Woodyard, awoodyar@austinc.edu

937.
Reese's: "Peanut but-
ter, chocolate." SPAM: "Ass scraps,
warm sewer water."

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1056.
I collect roadkill
Deer, dogs, cats, coons, drunks, possum
I work for Hormel

--Anonymous

1166.
Sometimes I wonder
What meat is SPAM: pork, beef, goat?
World will never know

--Anonymous

1190.
Hitler's big mistake
He thought main ingredient
Was Jews, not jowls. Oops!

--Chuck Wilson

1218.
Cured pork shoulder, ground.
Cubed, skewered, hickory smoked.
Fools cower in fear.

--Don Thompson, don@shadow.net

1315.
SPAM a can of fun
Pork ham salt water sugar
Sodium nitrate

--Anonymous

1323.
Gel'd pig snouts and tongues?
Why does it really matter?
"Parts is parts," they say.

--Anonymous

1326.
Ghastly brew of sick-
ly livestock cadavers. Packed
for mass consumption.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1327.
Typhus infected
decayed rodent. INTO THE
MEAT GRINDER, FOUL SLAG!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1334.
Cloaca slush swirls
in vat of rotting beef snot.
Formula for SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1418.
Do they make pork rinds
with pig parts left over from
SPAM? Or vice-versa?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1461.
What the heck is it?
Blended porcine organs--mixed.
Gimme some of that!

--Anonymous

1554.
Raw flesh in a can
Pigs, dogs, and a human hand
Can of Hormel SPAM

--Anonymous

1780.
Hawaiian lunch meat?
Someone else's old shoe heels?
We may never know.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1805.
Jealously guarded,
The secret of SPAM is kept
Enclosed in a vault.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1841.
Great pink globules of
jellied piglet snouts and tails.
I SPAM, therefore am.

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1964.
One wonders about
Its likely ingredients;
Not bones, brains, and balls?!

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1991.
There's many a pig
Twixt SPAM and can. Or at least
Pig juice and pink gel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2001.
O'er black bubbling vat,
Snout, ears, feet, and fat. This, that.
Witches cackle, "SPAM!"

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2066.
Princess looks for frog;
Is it too late? It can't be!
Already in SPAM...

--Anonymous

2067.
Searching for frog prince
Gone! She screams at Hormel, then
Opens can--he winks.

--Anonymous

2123.
Why pig's naughty bits
Now rare pink delicacy?
Mystery of SPAM!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2154.
SPAM is not from pork!
It comes from something bigger!
Try an elephant!

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2170.
Acronym for SPAM
It's Sinew, Puss, And Muscle
Goes down best heated

--bags@voicenet.com

2200.
The SPAM Quality
Control Chief boldly exclaimed,
"No hairs since aught-six."

--Brigham Bell

2255.
Is SPAM really pork?
Maybe it's elephant trunk!
This is a tough one!

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2256.
SPAM is SPecial hAM.
I don't know what's so special!
Sometimes I wonder.

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2261.
Beautiful pink flesh
FD&C Red Dye 2
Shiny pink cancer

--Mark Hilchey, hj@rosenet.net

2307.
I have discovered
the secret ingredient:
H2SO4.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2324.
Karadzic sealed in
tin. A lovely sight to see.
The first pig in SPAM.

--Mike McGaff

2335.
SPAM, it sounds like "flop"
When it wiggles from the can
Recycled pig dung

--Anonymous

2372.
SPAM is made by elves
in trees. Honest. And when an
elf dies...Hey, more SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2377.
Chinese calendar.
Year of Monkey, Year of Horse.
Together, they're SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2426.
"Crumph." Pink elephant
Farts. "Thud." Earth receives its gift,
A fetid mass; SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2539.
Dolphin-safe tuna?
Good idea, but how 'bout
this: Rodent-safe SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2584.
SPAM turns even less
appetizing if your knife
slices through gristle.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2631.
Why so much sugar?
Since when is pork supposed to
be so frigging sweet?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2910.
Delicious good ham
beaten and buttered and steamed
is turned into SPAM.

--herb hersh

3070.
Feet, brains, tail, and snout;
the meat grinder acts as the
great equalizer.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3117.
If nothing's ever
wasted does someone get a
can of oinks sometimes?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3141.
Just what is that gel?
Analysis reveals it's
Preparation H.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3273.
Secretaries' and
Take Daughters to Work Days passed.
SPAM now tastes fishy.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3392.
What is it in SPAM
That's incredibly funny?
It's the condensed pork.

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3458.
When I called for SPAM,
It answered, "Call me Legion,
For I am many."

--John Mitchell

3499.
What is SPAM made of?
Sinps, snails, or puppy dog tails?
No, bits of pig butt.

--Anonymous

3505.
of pork lips and ears
you are made with other parts
perfectly cubic

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3573.
I know a secret
SPAM is not of ham and pork
It is of reindeer

--Friend of Parnell

3580.
Attention all cars!
Serial killer is loose!
Call him "Son of Spam."

--Anonymous

3602.
"Lions and tigers
and bears, oh my!" The list of
SPAM ingredients.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3678.
What is this liquid
Pooling along the SPAM's base?
Do pigs bleed ichor?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3784.
spam or luncheon meat?
what's in a name, or, for that
matter, in the can?

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3839.
The odd, clear jelly
In which this snout meat quivers
I pray is not snot

--jam@altagroup.com

3920.
Porcine snouts and hooves
Ground into a giggling cube
God! I love SPAM

--E. Frank Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4078.
What's in the blue can?
Well, who the hell really knows
The SPAM enigma

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4082.
Somewhere in this can
Pig penises are lurking
Don't think about it

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4108.
Why do we like SPAM?
I heard it's made from pig lips.
I'll take a raincheck!

--Kathy Moore, moork@weigh-tronix.com

4109.
Is it deviled ham?
Myst'ry meat speaks not to me,
Instead, it congeals.

--Tom Urquhart, http://www.tcu.edu/~turquhart

4236.
Wouldn't feed it to
A dog. What on earth is in
There, aside from hog?

--Maria Demetris

4364.
Pink porcine morsel
Fat and gristle gleaming bright
Plastic nutrition

--Anonymous

4365.
Lard with gelatin
Pink color simulates ham
Thinly veiled deceit

--Anonymous

4369.
Pull the shiny ring
Porcine lips, tails, and assholes
Unveiled before you

--Anonymous

4419.
Tofu and spices
The ingredients of SPAM?
Yeah--in a pig's eye!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4456.
SPAM--tasty pink meat,
A fulfilling lunchtime treat,
Pork buttholes and feet.

--Mike, rogers@aztec.lib.utk.edu

4486.
Twelve pigs live on farm
Farmer makes a batch of SPAM
Still twelve pigs on farm

--scott stanford, sstanford@mca.com

4513.
Blue can, pink contents:
snouts & ears & tails & feet.
I'm glad I'm not pork.

--john p. nordbo

4533.
SPAM repulses me
It's black market zebra meat
It makes me vomit

--Anonymous

4764.
What hath Hormel wrought?
A tin of twisted tendons
A cube of carnage

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4853.
I'm a connoisseur.
This slice tastes of Kansas pork
And, maybe, dachshund.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4857.
Clinton tours Hormel
His bodyguards have failed him
They cannot find Socks

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4883.
If you know what it's
made of, then, mister, you're a
better man than I.

--Anonymous

4899.
Curly little tails,
pointy little ears, and blunt
snouts. They're all in there.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4931.
Gelatinous cube
Purified pork and eagle
A can filled with death

--Wyald

4932.
Petal-delicate
Petal-pink sow labia
In a rosy loaf

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4981.
Man pulls toad from can.
"Gosh," says Hormel. "Eggbeater
must've missed that one!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

5027.
SPAM, taunt me no more!
For I must know what you are.
What part of the pig?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5028.
They say it is pork.
Or is it just parts of pig
we'd rather not know?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5029.
Don't open the can!
For a secret lies inside.
Pink glistening fat.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5082.
Democratic SPAM
All species ground together
America's meat

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5098.
In reality
SPAM is made fom baboon bums,
Smoked, salted, and tinned.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5109.
Ear, nose, and throat. Some
say, "Medical specialty."
Others say, "That's SPAM!"

--Joel Schwartz

5141.
Lips, tits, and assholes
Compressed tightly in a can
Twist key, set it free

--Erik P. Kaeding, Attorney at Law

5153.
Do you wonder if
removed malignant tumors
are shipped to Hormel?

--Anonymous

5155.
A short greasy trip
from the stable to table;
pulverized horses.

--Anonymous

5406.
Package looks nice, but
Chopped, diced, pressed pig components
Lie within the can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5630.
What is this substance?
Studied for years in secret
No, not of this earth

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5696.
If pigs have no arms,
How is SPAM made from shoulders?
I want an answer.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5768.
Throw one pig into
blender. Add salt and dye. The
recipe for SPAM.

--Anonymous

5772.
Ground pig lips and tails.
SPAM in a can like a ham--
Snorts and wags in bits.

--Carolyne Rohrig, henry@home.com

5876.
Spicy bovine hearts
Also cartilage and sand
Keeps me regular

--LisaSteveDougJulie, yungward@serv.net

5968.
SPAM, mystery meat
No one really knows, or cares...
The contents of SPAM

--Elizabeth

6041.
Ingredients: Salt,
Water, sugar, pork and ham
Sodium Nitrate

--Freaque

6114.
Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

--Christopher James Hume

6252.
My hands are like SPAM
Both contain flesh and some bone,
Some nail and knuckle

--Jason Feltham

6253.
If SPAM were made with
Poultry, beef, fish, or reptile;
Whaddya mean, "IF"?

--Jason Feltham

6268.
Slaughter some large pigs
Take the unusable parts
Grind them, call it SPAM

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

6327.
Just what is in SPAM?
If I find a fingernail
I'm suing Hormel.

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6393.
When it's fried with egg,
piece of pork it seems like but?...
Is it chop or leg?...

--john_pearson@sil.org

6394.
Hunks of meat combine
with ear, hoof, and tail entwine
ground in product fine.

--john_pearson@sil.org

6395.
Protein is the hype
chewed already seems to be--
"shoescrape" more its type.

--john_pearson@sil.org

SPAM Haiku: Ingredients

SPAM Haiku: Ingredients

SHAM-87.
What's really in SPAM?
Biologists say it's a
Can of nematodes.

2.
Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass--
Pass another slice.

--Christopher James Hume

3.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?

--Christopher James Hume

4.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork, please

--Christopher James Hume

7.
The SPAM looks forlorn.
At least it isn't head cheese!
I eat it with verve.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

13.
Each day at my job,
I work with pig eyes thinking:
Are these things in SPAM?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

17.
What are the clear parts?
My mind reels, thoughts turn to hooves.
I'd best just eat it.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

23.
I think of SPAM bits
Sitting in a park at noon
What are they made of?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

24.
SPAM enters and leaves
digested, as if unchanged
WYSIWYG food-stuff

--Dave Hysell, daveh@vlasov.phys.clemson.edu

93.
Use eyes, ears, nose, toes
to fill the SPAM can, but please
omit the assholes.

--Greg Fielding, greggf@destiny.esd105.wednet.edu

101.
At least there are no
salivary glands in the
eternal blue can

--Anonymous

102.
SPAM, oh SPAM, come near
For there is a gap in me!
Pig guts. Nevermind.

--Paul Johnson

138.
Someone please tell me
Do they have to starve the pigs
When making SPAM LITE?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

171.
Much uncertainty
Enshrouds the contents of SPAM.
But who really cares?

--Dr. Mellow (Greg Cohoon), drmellow@catt.ncsu.edu

179.
All the piggy parts
No one would want to consume
Pulverized and pink

--Anonymous

203.
Snouts, ears, hooves, and such
Maybe floor sweepings as well
SPAM! Food of the gods!

--Pat_Williams@itd.sterling.com

208.
Snouts and hooves and eyes,
Oh my! Come here, my pretty
pretty meat-like food.

--Lonnie Grantham, granthl@aa.wl.com

209.
SPAM? Chipped pork and ham?
Much better than Treet, is SPAM.
Can I have your SPAM?

--Lonnie Grantham, granthl@aa.wl.com

211.
Qu'est-ce que c'est, ce "SPAM"?
Une viande formidable?
Non, je ne crois pas.

--Lonnie Grantham, granthl@aa.wl.com

217.
Colostomy bags
Emptied into squarish cans
The SPAM factory

--Anonymous

241.
SPAM, are you father
to hot dogs, baloney and
Chicken McNuggets?

--Bill T. Cat

257.
Frolicking fat frog,
Living near the factory.
Now he is SPAM too!

--Bill T. Cat

279.
The SPAM mystery:
unidentifiable
ancient pork secret.

--Jackie Groce, grocej@cmc.cz

289.
Only that which ain't
Used for hot dogs and sausage
Is made into SPAM.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

293.
Bones, blood, and sinew.
Eyeballs, gonads, and sphincters.
Could be anything.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

321.
Eyes, tubes, ears, and tails
bowels, bladders, hairs and nails
spa-spa-spa-spa-SPLAT!

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

363.
Glom together parts
Of pigs not used for others.
Low-buck luncheon loaf.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

390.
FDA approves
Seventeen rat hairs per SPAM
Do they shave the rats?

--Anonymous

391.
Pork shoulder and ham:
Ingredients of Hormel's
Orgiastic feast

--Anonymous

400.
Chopped pork shoulder meat
With a bit of ham added
Sodium nitrate

--Mike Nolan, nolan@naic.edu

412.
Manufactured snail
in a tin, oozing away
on a slimy trail.

--John Lee

429.
SPAM is born of pig--
All the parts chopped and stirred in
Procrustean stew.

--Anonymous

511.
Processed pig offal
Unidentifiable
Maybe edible

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

523.
Is that stuff aspic
Surrounding pink baloney?
Where's that damn can key?

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

549.
Pork loin and shoulder--
Hormel swears it to be this...
Too good to ask twice!

--Mark Paulin, markp@funway.com

550.
Testicles. Sphincters.
Were they washed before grinding?
Who knows otherwise?

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

604.
Porcine and bovine;
Equine and canine. Hormel
won't discriminate.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

612.
Symbolic haiku
Conceals its true content, and
We'll never know it

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

613.
Deconstructing SPAM,
One can find ingredients
That were never there

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

614.
Zen Buddha SPAM quest:
"What are the ingredients?"
What do you desire?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

638.
Spare lips and assholes
Various alien parts
My dog sniffs, and runs

--Marie Britton, athena7@ix.netcom.com

643.
why do I eat it,
why do I consume pig parts
that do not recur?

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

707.
disgrace to all swine
a body part potpourri
packed in brown jelly

--Dawn M. Martin

808.
Cool, pink chunk of meat,
remains of Grade "E" hot dogs,
in a square blue can.

--Anonymous

809.
It's lips and assholes
Forever no more, no less
Snails, Possum, And Mice

--Superfly EditorAGoGo Adam Woodyard, awoodyar@austinc.edu

937.
Reese's: "Peanut but-
ter, chocolate." SPAM: "Ass scraps,
warm sewer water."

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1056.
I collect roadkill
Deer, dogs, cats, coons, drunks, possum
I work for Hormel

--Anonymous

1166.
Sometimes I wonder
What meat is SPAM: pork, beef, goat?
World will never know

--Anonymous

1190.
Hitler's big mistake
He thought main ingredient
Was Jews, not jowls. Oops!

--Chuck Wilson

1218.
Cured pork shoulder, ground.
Cubed, skewered, hickory smoked.
Fools cower in fear.

--Don Thompson, don@shadow.net

1315.
SPAM a can of fun
Pork ham salt water sugar
Sodium nitrate

--Anonymous

1323.
Gel'd pig snouts and tongues?
Why does it really matter?
"Parts is parts," they say.

--Anonymous

1326.
Ghastly brew of sick-
ly livestock cadavers. Packed
for mass consumption.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1327.
Typhus infected
decayed rodent. INTO THE
MEAT GRINDER, FOUL SLAG!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1334.
Cloaca slush swirls
in vat of rotting beef snot.
Formula for SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1418.
Do they make pork rinds
with pig parts left over from
SPAM? Or vice-versa?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1461.
What the heck is it?
Blended porcine organs--mixed.
Gimme some of that!

--Anonymous

1554.
Raw flesh in a can
Pigs, dogs, and a human hand
Can of Hormel SPAM

--Anonymous

1780.
Hawaiian lunch meat?
Someone else's old shoe heels?
We may never know.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1805.
Jealously guarded,
The secret of SPAM is kept
Enclosed in a vault.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1841.
Great pink globules of
jellied piglet snouts and tails.
I SPAM, therefore am.

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1964.
One wonders about
Its likely ingredients;
Not bones, brains, and balls?!

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1991.
There's many a pig
Twixt SPAM and can. Or at least
Pig juice and pink gel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2001.
O'er black bubbling vat,
Snout, ears, feet, and fat. This, that.
Witches cackle, "SPAM!"

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2066.
Princess looks for frog;
Is it too late? It can't be!
Already in SPAM...

--Anonymous

2067.
Searching for frog prince
Gone! She screams at Hormel, then
Opens can--he winks.

--Anonymous

2123.
Why pig's naughty bits
Now rare pink delicacy?
Mystery of SPAM!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2154.
SPAM is not from pork!
It comes from something bigger!
Try an elephant!

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2170.
Acronym for SPAM
It's Sinew, Puss, And Muscle
Goes down best heated

--bags@voicenet.com

2200.
The SPAM Quality
Control Chief boldly exclaimed,
"No hairs since aught-six."

--Brigham Bell

2255.
Is SPAM really pork?
Maybe it's elephant trunk!
This is a tough one!

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2256.
SPAM is SPecial hAM.
I don't know what's so special!
Sometimes I wonder.

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2261.
Beautiful pink flesh
FD&C Red Dye 2
Shiny pink cancer

--Mark Hilchey, hj@rosenet.net

2307.
I have discovered
the secret ingredient:
H2SO4.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2324.
Karadzic sealed in
tin. A lovely sight to see.
The first pig in SPAM.

--Mike McGaff

2335.
SPAM, it sounds like "flop"
When it wiggles from the can
Recycled pig dung

--Anonymous

2372.
SPAM is made by elves
in trees. Honest. And when an
elf dies...Hey, more SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2377.
Chinese calendar.
Year of Monkey, Year of Horse.
Together, they're SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2426.
"Crumph." Pink elephant
Farts. "Thud." Earth receives its gift,
A fetid mass; SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2539.
Dolphin-safe tuna?
Good idea, but how 'bout
this: Rodent-safe SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2584.
SPAM turns even less
appetizing if your knife
slices through gristle.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2631.
Why so much sugar?
Since when is pork supposed to
be so frigging sweet?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2910.
Delicious good ham
beaten and buttered and steamed
is turned into SPAM.

--herb hersh

3070.
Feet, brains, tail, and snout;
the meat grinder acts as the
great equalizer.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3117.
If nothing's ever
wasted does someone get a
can of oinks sometimes?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3141.
Just what is that gel?
Analysis reveals it's
Preparation H.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3273.
Secretaries' and
Take Daughters to Work Days passed.
SPAM now tastes fishy.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3392.
What is it in SPAM
That's incredibly funny?
It's the condensed pork.

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3458.
When I called for SPAM,
It answered, "Call me Legion,
For I am many."

--John Mitchell

3499.
What is SPAM made of?
Sinps, snails, or puppy dog tails?
No, bits of pig butt.

--Anonymous

3505.
of pork lips and ears
you are made with other parts
perfectly cubic

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3573.
I know a secret
SPAM is not of ham and pork
It is of reindeer

--Friend of Parnell

3580.
Attention all cars!
Serial killer is loose!
Call him "Son of Spam."

--Anonymous

3602.
"Lions and tigers
and bears, oh my!" The list of
SPAM ingredients.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3678.
What is this liquid
Pooling along the SPAM's base?
Do pigs bleed ichor?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3784.
spam or luncheon meat?
what's in a name, or, for that
matter, in the can?

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3839.
The odd, clear jelly
In which this snout meat quivers
I pray is not snot

--jam@altagroup.com

3920.
Porcine snouts and hooves
Ground into a giggling cube
God! I love SPAM

--E. Frank Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4078.
What's in the blue can?
Well, who the hell really knows
The SPAM enigma

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4082.
Somewhere in this can
Pig penises are lurking
Don't think about it

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4108.
Why do we like SPAM?
I heard it's made from pig lips.
I'll take a raincheck!

--Kathy Moore, moork@weigh-tronix.com

4109.
Is it deviled ham?
Myst'ry meat speaks not to me,
Instead, it congeals.

--Tom Urquhart, http://www.tcu.edu/~turquhart

4236.
Wouldn't feed it to
A dog. What on earth is in
There, aside from hog?

--Maria Demetris

4364.
Pink porcine morsel
Fat and gristle gleaming bright
Plastic nutrition

--Anonymous

4365.
Lard with gelatin
Pink color simulates ham
Thinly veiled deceit

--Anonymous

4369.
Pull the shiny ring
Porcine lips, tails, and assholes
Unveiled before you

--Anonymous

4419.
Tofu and spices
The ingredients of SPAM?
Yeah--in a pig's eye!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4456.
SPAM--tasty pink meat,
A fulfilling lunchtime treat,
Pork buttholes and feet.

--Mike, rogers@aztec.lib.utk.edu

4486.
Twelve pigs live on farm
Farmer makes a batch of SPAM
Still twelve pigs on farm

--scott stanford, sstanford@mca.com

4513.
Blue can, pink contents:
snouts & ears & tails & feet.
I'm glad I'm not pork.

--john p. nordbo

4533.
SPAM repulses me
It's black market zebra meat
It makes me vomit

--Anonymous

4764.
What hath Hormel wrought?
A tin of twisted tendons
A cube of carnage

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4853.
I'm a connoisseur.
This slice tastes of Kansas pork
And, maybe, dachshund.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4857.
Clinton tours Hormel
His bodyguards have failed him
They cannot find Socks

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4883.
If you know what it's
made of, then, mister, you're a
better man than I.

--Anonymous

4899.
Curly little tails,
pointy little ears, and blunt
snouts. They're all in there.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4931.
Gelatinous cube
Purified pork and eagle
A can filled with death

--Wyald

4932.
Petal-delicate
Petal-pink sow labia
In a rosy loaf

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4981.
Man pulls toad from can.
"Gosh," says Hormel. "Eggbeater
must've missed that one!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

5027.
SPAM, taunt me no more!
For I must know what you are.
What part of the pig?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5028.
They say it is pork.
Or is it just parts of pig
we'd rather not know?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5029.
Don't open the can!
For a secret lies inside.
Pink glistening fat.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5082.
Democratic SPAM
All species ground together
America's meat

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5098.
In reality
SPAM is made fom baboon bums,
Smoked, salted, and tinned.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5109.
Ear, nose, and throat. Some
say, "Medical specialty."
Others say, "That's SPAM!"

--Joel Schwartz

5141.
Lips, tits, and assholes
Compressed tightly in a can
Twist key, set it free

--Erik P. Kaeding, Attorney at Law

5153.
Do you wonder if
removed malignant tumors
are shipped to Hormel?

--Anonymous

5155.
A short greasy trip
from the stable to table;
pulverized horses.

--Anonymous

5406.
Package looks nice, but
Chopped, diced, pressed pig components
Lie within the can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5630.
What is this substance?
Studied for years in secret
No, not of this earth

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5696.
If pigs have no arms,
How is SPAM made from shoulders?
I want an answer.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5768.
Throw one pig into
blender. Add salt and dye. The
recipe for SPAM.

--Anonymous

5772.
Ground pig lips and tails.
SPAM in a can like a ham--
Snorts and wags in bits.

--Carolyne Rohrig, henry@home.com

5876.
Spicy bovine hearts
Also cartilage and sand
Keeps me regular

--LisaSteveDougJulie, yungward@serv.net

5968.
SPAM, mystery meat
No one really knows, or cares...
The contents of SPAM

--Elizabeth

6041.
Ingredients: Salt,
Water, sugar, pork and ham
Sodium Nitrate

--Freaque

6114.
Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

--Christopher James Hume

6252.
My hands are like SPAM
Both contain flesh and some bone,
Some nail and knuckle

--Jason Feltham

6253.
If SPAM were made with
Poultry, beef, fish, or reptile;
Whaddya mean, "IF"?

--Jason Feltham

6268.
Slaughter some large pigs
Take the unusable parts
Grind them, call it SPAM

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

6327.
Just what is in SPAM?
If I find a fingernail
I'm suing Hormel.

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6393.
When it's fried with egg,
piece of pork it seems like but?...
Is it chop or leg?...

--john_pearson@sil.org

6394.
Hunks of meat combine
with ear, hoof, and tail entwine
ground in product fine.

--john_pearson@sil.org

6395.
Protein is the hype
chewed already seems to be--
"shoescrape" more its type.

--john_pearson@sil.org

6465.
Multicultural
Diverse organs, many pigs
A tin melting pot

--Jack Hughes, jack@sprintmail.com

6510.
Dead creatures unknown,
congealed into myst'ry meat.
Tiny pink coffin.

--Drory Benmenachem, droryb@mzi.com

6525.
SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM!
Pseudomeat in a tin can...
Just what is in there?

--jobucc, jobucc@aol.com

6574.
O glorious SPAM
Where do you get your meat from?
Duh! Chernobyl Farms!

--Dan McCarthy

6609.
Eyeballs and entrails
Pressurized and anodized
My favorite things

--Shmert

6625.
Mammal, Reptile, Plant
Insect too. All equal in
the can of our spam

--jake, jmohnkern@vax.clarku.edu

6626.
Recycled protein,
millennial soylent pink
food for toothless mobs.

--jake, jmohnkern@vax.clarku.edu

6634.
Tail ears snout lips jowls
Create glorious pink art
Satisfies no one.

--Larry K, krash222@taconic.net

6681.
SPAM is the greatest
It's made from pig tails and brains
Burns right through metal

--Keith Marston, ZERO131313@aol.com

6682.
SPAM SPAM I like SPAM
They say it's made from old ham
More like rotting lamb

--Keith Marston, ZERO131313@aol.com

6691.
Eyes, snout, lips, and bung
Fruits of world domination
To the victor, spoils!

--Benito Juarez

6708.
Of what is SPAM made?
The whole animal kingdom.
A canned Noah's Ark!

--Anonymous

6786.
Probing through my SPAM
With a salad fork, I found
Seven fresh stitches.
6800.
The food of the Gods
is made with meat by-products
rich with sodium.

--James Bickford, style@javanet.com

6822.
No one really knows
of what you are truly made.
But who gives a shit?

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

6862.
Meat conglomerate
in a can is what SPAM is;
out of many, one.

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

6958.
rejected entrails
tumble, churning and pressing
and suddenly, meat!

--Peter Mullaney, pmullaney@alston.com

6970.
Purity of SPAM?
They say pork shoulders and ham,
What else lurks therein?

--Andrew Plourde, aplourde@sfsu.edu

6971.
F.D.A. allows
Some "foreign matter": Bugs, hair,
Night worker's semen.

--Andrew Plourde, aplourde@sfsu.edu

6972.
The truth is revealed.
The mystery of the gel,
Mystery no more!

--Andrew Plourde, aplourde@sfsu.edu

7011.
Spiced Pork and some ham
Yes, this is what makes up SPAM
Wonderful ol' SPAM

--JW, GWren@Erols.com

7015.
Pieces of Piglet
crammed into a tiny can...
Pooh is rather pissed!

--Scott Mathison, smathison@unitrac.com

7248.
Will Hormel one day
Change the way that SPAM is made
And start using meat?

--Bob City

7317.
SPAM IS MADE UP OF
SNIPS AND SNAILS AND PIGGY TAILS
THAT'S WHAT SPAM'S MADE OF

--ISF

7334.
Hail SPAM! Pork nectar
King of the pork by-products
Tail, snout, hoof, and guts.

--beppo

7250.
Are you wondering?
What SPAM is really made of?
It's lips and assholes.

--The Analog Kid

7555.
SPAM ingredient:
sodium monofluoro-
phosphate? Not true, guv!

--Buzz

7638.
Ingredients: Pork
and Ham, Salt, Water, Sugar,
Sodium Nitrite.

--Pete Tran, AM67@osfn.rhilinet.gov

7712.
SPAM ingredients:
Artificial dead pig parts.
Yes, ARTIFICIAL.

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

7750.
Pork delicacy.
Snout, ears, tail, feet (and no hoofs).
How cleverly done.

--jojo

7835.
SPAM, infamous SPAM
How I wonder what you are
Hey, now WHAT are you?

--Chris, Chansler@hotmail.com

7840.
Chop slice cook grind mix,
Skin ears tongue, clear jelly, lips,
SPAM for breakfast, pass.

--Anonymous

7883.
Where do fetuses
From abortion clinics go?
To a can of SPAM.

--Kaptain Kabal

7924.
SPAM, made from dead cats,
Leave the eyeballs and tail in,
To give it that tang!

--Matthew Barker, psychofish@hotmail.com

7940.
What do you get when
You cross SPAM with rodent guts
Oops--nothing has changed

--Wild T.

7992.
Look in the blue tin
See a couple pairs of eyes
Oh, how could you, SPAM?

--Lauren Thompson, libragirl17@hotmail.com

8023.
Chunks yellow, pink, clear:
A sum greater than the parts.
Why ask, what is SPAM?

--Robert W Reed

8024.
Nitrates, sodium,
and snouts, divine trinity?
Pray before eating.

--Robert W Reed

8421.
Lips and chitterlings
All blended into pink chunks
One more can of SPAM

--Luke the Aussie, not telling


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.