SHAM-90.
I sent her ninety
SPAM haiku to show my love.
She sent me a shrink.
SHAM-101.
Supermarket aisle.
We reached for the same SPAM can.
We exchanged numbers.
SHAM-102.
You carved my figure
From the block of SPAM. Love or
Infatuation?
SHAM-103.
The first time we kissed:
Your cheeks flushed a deep SPAM pink,
Your lips soft, hungry.
SHAM-104.
I buried the ring
Inside a loaf. You took a
Bite, spat, then said, "Yes!"
SHAM-105.
Wedding catered by
Hormel. Reception marred by
Sudden illnesses.
SHAM-106.
Honeymoon in France.
Finally got to try the
Spamme frites, Spamme l'orange.
SHAM-107.
Four children later
We run out of things to say.
"Price of SPAM is up."
SHAM-108.
"Breakfast in bed, love."
"What is it, dear?" "Refried SPAM."
You filed for divorce.
SHAM-109.
The first nights were bad.
Woke up from a SPAM nightmare--
But you were not there.
SHAM-110.
I live alone now.
I keep a cat for comfort.
She does not eat SPAM.
SHAM-111.
Supermarket aisle.
I saw her reach for a SPAM.
I turned, walked away.
155.
The SPAM lies alone
it can't find a porcine mate
it cries in silence
233.
As she turns away,
I think, "Good riddance, you bitch.
I've still got my SPAM."
277.
Gazing in horror
as my SPAM walks out the door.
"Come back, please, come back!!"
285.
I asked her for SPAM.
"Not in this house!" she replied.
Instant proposal!!
295.
I sing the blues and
Think about the SPAM I left
behind: misery!
361.
Leaning to kiss her,
Smelling her breath, I thought of
Love and luncheon loaf.
495.
You promised me SPAM
I brought pork rinds and hot sauce
so much in common
497.
SPAM's being pan fried
the only reason for this
is I love the man
505.
The candles were lit
She's never had my cooking
SPAM soufflé is served
513.
Love for Meg, Jo, Sue--
All these were transitory
Love of SPAM endures
734.
I hope it was SPAM.
I didn't want to ask her--
I just hope it was.
891.
Lover's gone away.
Was it something that I did?
SPAM burp while kissing.
915.
Have you ever been
in love? Me neither. But I
bet SPAM has. Lucky.
1037.
SPAM key held by string
Given her the day we kissed
A symbol of love
1281.
SPAM spawned a romance
Stared into her eyes, and shared--
One can, and two spoons
1381.
A woman seeks love,
Alone, alone, in the dark.
She finds only SPAM.
1483.
She who cooks me SPAM
will one day be my lover.
The texture is weird.
1523.
can love please me as
a pound of chocolate? or
sweetly smell of spam
1729.
Tell you how I feel
Love is like a soft spring day
Potted meat is fine
1753.
SPAM has lost its charm
Since you left with the milk man.
Till we "meat" again!
1756.
my wife won't serve it
"it kills," she posits before
serving me chicken
1954.
"Have some SPAM, darling?"
"No thanks, dear, too rich for me."
La politesse, non?
1977.
Loved SPAM more than her
So I got slapped in the face
Just the can and me
2024.
Affectionate SPAM,
Loving you from the inside.
What a tender thought!
2060.
Confucius, he says,
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Once opened, goes off."
2061.
Lucrecia B. says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Tempting but fatal."
2062.
Gargantua says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Pink and seductive."
2063.
Simple Simon says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Better in the dark."
2064.
Sir Lancelot says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Makes you want to scratch."
2100.
My girlfriend eats SPAM
"Only sexy guys eat it"
What I do for love
2105.
Abominable
Sow girl meets Dracuspam. Has
Hots. Love at first fright!
2177.
Stein and Toklas fell
in love over a slice. Still,
"A SPAM is a SPAM."
2191.
Pig nymph meets Yeti.
Love match! Tibetan gourmets
Gorge with hairy SPAMs.
2482.
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways. Thou art
SPAM!?! Deceitful one!
2483.
On Valentine's Day
My love gave me a can of
SPAM. What's wrong with her?
2484.
Valentine's day, I
give my true love the one thing
that says love. Blue can.
2485.
Valentine's day, I
duck to avoid the blue can.
Is this love doomed? Spammed?
2488.
Girlfriend asks what's that?
SPAM hash, I say. Do you want...?
I hear the door slam.
2516.
Heart-shaped chunk of SPAM.
Gave it to my sweetheart; now
I'm single again.
2548.
Hormel kissed the pigs
"Squish," who kissed him back, "Splodge." Ah,
True love! Then came SPAM.
2592.
I think I'm in love
I don't know if she digs SPAM
Her name is Esther
2657.
Beneath flow'ring plums
The lovers feed each other
Tasty SPAM morsels.
2955.
On Valentine's Day
give her what every girl wants:
A big heart-shaped SPAM
2956.
On Valentine's Eve
I take my love to Chez SPAM
We share a pink slab
3278.
My woman done gone
Left me with nuthin' but dis
Half-empty SPAM can.
3279.
Yeah, my woman's gone
Left me with a picked-over,
six-month-old SPAM can.
3280.
If I find dat gal,
Gonna shoot her 'n' bury
Her in a SPAM can.
3393.
SPAM: Love at first sight.
I loved you when first we kissed,
Then I tasted you.
3463.
SPAM, too, needs a wife.
What consort for my Pork Prince?
Ah! The Velveeta!
3464.
It was our last date
She wanted See's; I gave SPAM
What a thankless bitch!
3786.
Juliet looks forth
Across the fair land and cries,
"Wherefore art thou, SPAM?"
3787.
Romeo lets his
Hand tenderly touch the can,
Sighs, "I love you, SPAM."
3812.
A bitter divorce
Screams in the lawyer's office
"You always served SPAM"
3903.
Porcine by-product
Gelatinous hunk o' love
I hunger for you
3936.
Blue and yellow can,
Object of my heart's desire.
I'll push the cart, Dear.
4085.
The bride pressed her luck:
One SPAM dinner too many.
"I want a divorce."
4252.
The key to her heart,
like the key on a SPAM can,
was cursed with pig lips.
4256.
Carved in the shape of
A long-forgotten lover,
SPAM feeds memories.
4498.
King Edward the Eighth
abdicated to pursue
his deep love of SPAM.
4500.
SPAM, how I love thee.
Let me count your fatty cells.
Fill me with your love.
4534.
Her eyes!! So blue, like
A SPAM can. Your stomach hurts.
Love? Indigestion?
4793.
"Kiss me," she pleaded,
But I cruelly turned away,
Having seen her lunch.
4864.
The guitar player
Sings plaintively of lost love.
My tears salt my SPAM.
4865.
A former lover
Never leaves you, lingering
Like SPAM's aftertaste.
4873.
My friends laugh at me.
"Why this infatuation?"
I have no love life.
4882.
I would ride the rails
And dine on Sterno-warmed SPAM
For one night with you.
4951.
SPAM, how I love thee.
Let's get married and have kids,
My slices of joy.
4991.
caring, nurturing,
oh spam my dearest lover;
gelatin mother.
5017.
SPAM! Glorious SPAM!
Without you I am nothing,
SPAM, my life, my love.
5126.
Of course I love you!
That's why I'm giving you SPAM.
Happy Hanukkah.
5179.
"Take this SPAM" she said
'Twas a gift of love, no less
But like love, soon gone
5563.
i think i love spam
i have spam in my dorm room
can i marry spam?
5660.
"You would have swallowed
if you had really loved me."
She left him for SPAM.
5674.
Will you buy me SPAM?
Will you love me forever?
SPAM by dashboard light.
5859.
Fleshy, red product.
"How do I love thee?" I say.
"Let me count the ways."
6017.
On Valentine's Day
beau brings flowers and some SPAM.
He leaves, door hits ass.
6018.
Jilted beau cries out
"But it's SPAM, your favorite!";
Can-sized dent in head
6033.
A loaf of SPAM, a
glass of wine, and thee, love. Wait!
Where are you going?
6154.
Unwashed fork - gleaming
with SPAM on your tines. Speaks of
love and trailer parks.
6267.
SPAM, oh dearest SPAM
I feel love's in our future
For I love to hate.
6524.
My beau and I shop
in the grocery store, hands
meet over SPAM cans.
6611.
She said she'd love me,
"When pigs can fly!" Ate Spam, puked.
Pigs from cans can fly.
6816.
She hands me the key
to my can of meaty joy.
She loves me truly!
6868.
Lonely Friday night
SPAM will never leave my side
I can buy your love
6883.
Tears on my pillow
Your sweet juice and bright blue can
Licked by someone else
6935.
"A can of SPAM, a
jug of wine, and thou." Sounds like
a short date to me.
7130.
Romantic deceit
She said she loved me, but left
Once the SPAM was gone
7705.
SPAM, symbol of love.
Little-known god SPAMicus
used it to get chicks.
7824.
Nestled in your love,
The blue glowing of your can
Wraps me in what meat?
7851.
My fiance tries
to kiss me--what's that smell? I'd
rather be single!!
7873.
I look for a snack,
I take a trip to the frig,
My Love. My Life: SPAM.
7874.
pink in the morn' sun
porcine lump gleams lusciously
the lovers eat SPAM
7877.
MY HUNGRY SOUL CRIES
OH! WHITE BREAD, FRIED SPAM, MAYO...
LOVE IS BLIND AND CRUEL.
7967.
I do not eat meat
Woman that I love loves SPAM
Damn the hands of fate
8022.
"You haven't tried SPAM?"
I cried to my love. "You must!"
Now I cry alone.
8532.
In a heart-shaped box,
the tender romance of SPAM.
My sweet Valentine.