SPAM Haiku: News Bites

SHAM-9.
Bill Clinton on SPAM:
"Congress must cut excess pork
So I'll eat that slice!"

SHAM-54.
New food ethics law:
SPAM cannot include meat from
Aborted pig parts.

SHAM-59.
Government campaign
Against substance abuses:
"Just say NO to SPAM."

SHAM-69.
Federal building.
Parked in front--truckload of SPAM.
Pandemonium.

SHAM-76.
Deadbeat father sends
SPAM as child-support payment.
Twenty years in jail.

SHAM-112.
Cigarettes, liquor--
"Sin" tax for things bad for you.
Why not a SPAM tax?

SHAM-114.
CNN: Canned News
Network. Spamming the globe with
Processed, packaged news.

SHAM-206.
Saddam's big surprise:
Opening the crate marked "FOOD"
He finds SPAM inside.

19.
If one tried to make
George Bush eat SPAM, would he say:
"Not gonna do it!"?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

20.
Maybe George Bush puked.
Or maybe he just faked it
By using some SPAM.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

40.
President reviews
School lunch program meat item.
Says, "I feel your SPAM."

--Anonymous

53.
O.J. not guilty!
Stomach contents analyzed:
SPAM is cause of death.

--R. Kaufman

82.
Downed U.S. pilot,
survival kit full of SPAM,
eats ants, sucks wool socks.

--R. Kaufman

234.
Scott O'Grady packed
SPAM in his survival kit,
lived on bugs for days.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

283.
Soon headlines will read
"Government Seizes SPAM Plant!"
I eat in great fear

--Anonymous

298.
The war in the Gulf:
Saddam wanted Kuwaiti SPAM.
Tyranny halted.

--asmialek@SEVA.net

370.
Crowds of refugees,
Starving. UN airdrops SPAM.
Muslims flee from planes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

371.
Mickey Mantle and
the "Bewitched" guy. New livers?
Let them transplant SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

377.
Iraqis give up
They only had SPAM to eat
during Desert Storm

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

380.
SPAM goes to D.C.
Wins seat in legislature
Pork-barrel funding

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

408.
Hormel court battle
Muppet named Spa'am can't be
Name too similar

--Daniel Chen, dschen@cs.buffalo.edu

409.
New Muppet Spa'am
Must be mystery muppet
Can't tell what's in it

--Daniel Chen, dschen@cs.buffalo.edu

465.
Wet pink and tasty
Hard exterior...peaceful?
Nuke all the Frenchmen!

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

533.
UN airdrops SPAM
To Bosnian refugees
Errant cans kill Serbs

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

535.
O.J.'s innocent
SPAM is made from finest pork
Which would you believe?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

559.
Spamville, USA
Is where the critter hails from.
Send Janet Reno.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

634.
Reno torched Hormel
compound. Says, "I had to. They
tortured kids with SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

682.
Question for Pro-Life:
Potential man or cell mass?
Posed by SPAM v. Wade.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

683.
Globules of chopped SPAM
Operation Rescue flaunts
In front of clinic.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

684.
Abortionist's trash
Contains grisly organs, meat.
SPAM for lunch again.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

685.
Pregnant woman eats
SPAM. Remnants flow through system.
Hear the Silent Scream.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

686.
One-time Vegan Roe
Recanted, eats SPAM with hicks.
What went out, goes in.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

687.
Chinese say no more
Than two kids, then abortion.
SPAM supply maintained.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

688.
Alley near clinic:
Pat Mahoney eats SPAM with
Rusty coat hanger.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

696.
war in Bosnia
more lethal than atom bombs
SPAM dropped from airplanes

--Dawn M. Martin

726.
Senator Exon
Downloads SPAM GIFs from archive,
Soils the Senate floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

733.
I saw the best SPAM
of my generation con-
geal into Gingrich.

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

738.
Slick Willy admits
Eating SPAM at school. Too bad
He didn't inhale.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

741.
If O. J.'s guilty,
Bill, watch for new SPAM flavor:
Roast Buffalo, Bill.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

742.
Fuhrman spews racist
SPAM. L.A.P.D., do like
Hormel: can the pig.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

785.
New SPAM cigarettes:
Surgeon general says, "Heads
will roll over this."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

786.
New SPAM cigarettes
introduce a new health risk:
Second-hand nitrates.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

839.
Prisoners served SPAM.
The Supreme Court rules it cruel
and unusual.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

840.
Third World dictators
force feed SPAM to dissidents.
Amnesty protests.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

841.
School lunch funding cuts
cause SPAM to be served each day.
Truancy shoots up.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

846.
Hormel accused of
using fake pork. New York Post's
headline: SHAM SPAM SCAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

852.
Howard Johnson's bans
Sale of SPAM. HO-JO has gone
Upscale. That's too bad.

--Alex Dunne, Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

859.
James Brown convicted
of wife beating: "damn woman
just cooks SPAM surprise"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

869.
A SPAM can in hand
"Domestic Violence Rise"
Seized as evidence

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

878.
No, Fishel, not in
My New World Order. Read my
Lips: no SPAM taxes.

--Martin "George Bush" Booda, booda@datasync.com

885.
Booda and Fishel
debate the proposed SPAM tax
on the next Crossfire.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

927.
Tax breaks for Hormel?
That's the ultimate in pork
barrel politics.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

928.
Booda wants tax cuts
for rich SPAM eaters. Wait, that's
an oxymoron.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

929.
Legacy of SPAM
tax cuts? Crippling deficits,
crippling angina.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

930.
Disney opens up
SPAM-land: shows final fate of
the three little pigs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

931.
Attendance at new
SPAM-land is low--but better
than Euro-Disney's.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

933.
N.E.A. sponsors
Serano's "SPAM Christ." Jesse
Helms goes ballistic.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

934.
New group to combat
substance abuse: MASH--Mothers
Against SPAM Haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

935.
Betty Ford Center
opens SPAM haiku wing. There's
still some hope for me.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1026.
Interest rate hike due
To tinned meat scare, says Fed chair-
man Alan Greenspam.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1060.
The National SPAM
Association protects
your right to bear SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1061.
NSA slogan:
"When SPAM is outlawed, only
outlaws will have SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1062.
Second NSA
slogan: "SPAMs don't kill people;
fry cooks kill people."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1063.
NSA lobbies
to overturn laws banning
sales of "assault SPAMs."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1075.
Iraq flouts ban on
biological weapons,
starts stockpiling SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1076.
Surgeon general
reveals world's most addictive
substance: SPAM haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1129.
Newt slashes budget
Grateful wealthy pay no tax
Poor can't afford SPAM

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1140.
O.J. not guilty
SPAM, defiled by the masses
The world is a mess

--Steve Dotson, mdotson@oregoncoast.com

1149.
The Law and Sausage;
Both far prettier than SPAM.
What say you, O.J.?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1150.
I have heard it said,
That in Waco was much SPAM.
Truth or baloney?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1162.
O.J. returns home
After year, cupboards bare but
for one lone SPAM tin.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1165.
"L.A. cops," he said,
"DNA, blood, glove, Bronco..."
"Pass the SPAM," she said.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1170.
"If the blue tins don't
fit, you must acquit." Trial
of O. J. SPAMson.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1172.
Hormel Valdez runs
aground. Slicks of pink grease wash
onto the shoreline.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1198.
Hormel sues Henson
"Spamme" not acceptable name
for MISTER Piggy

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

1223.
Ito smiles sweetly
The SPAM under his robe feels
Really good today

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1312.
Grills spew smoke on mall.
D.C. filled with barbeque.
The million-SPAM march.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1392.
New federal law:
"Prisons must serve SPAM daily."
Crime rate drops to nil.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1415.
Michael Jackson sells
more Beatles songs for ads: "I
Wanna Hold Your SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1416.
In new commercials,
Hormel copies Pizza Hut:
"Eat old SPAM 'crust first.'"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1482.
New campaign platform
Universal health care plan
SPAM in every pot

--Anonymous

1542.
Furloughed fed workers
Loiter in alleys, heat SPAM
Over garbage fires.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1557.
Newt, meditating.
"Welfare solved! Let poor eat SPAM!"
Hormel stock doubles.

--John Eidson, eidson@ll.mit.edu

1597.
Piggy Rush Limbaugh
Watch that porker every night
Tune in to C-SPAM

--Douglas Staples, AnnikaDZ@aol.com

1640.
Surgeon General's
Warning: Ingesting SPAM is
Certain health hazard.

--Anonymous

1672.
U.S. troops arrive,
And with them, M.R.E.'s. Blight
Spreads through Bosnia.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1745.
Billy Jeff tried it,
Didn't like it, never once
inhaled a SPAM splif.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1747.
Gates acquires Hormel.
Microsoft SPAM for Windows.
Apple stock doubles.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1751.
McQueen's "Blob" frozen,
Dropped into Antarctica.
(It--pink. Its can--blue.)

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1904.
Hormel's Bay of Pigs.
Again the world holds its breath.
SPAM missiles turned back!

--Rory, son of mickman

1937.
Hormel loses suit.
Plan to cross Mississippi
Catfish with SPAM foiled.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

2051.
Budget gridlock hits
White House state dinners: SPAM is
served to diplomats.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2057.
A ticking blue tin.
An explosion of pig snouts.
UnaSPAMer strikes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2172.
Gays in the army.
SPAM ingredients. For both,
it's "Don't ask, don't tell."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2173.
New Whitewater SPAM:
two parts pig snouts and one part
shredded documents.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2232.
Blizzard bearing down.
Supermarket shelves are stripped.
SPAM is left behind.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2241.
pitiful effort
to revive Warwick's career--
SPAM infomercial

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2243.
Poor people complain
"SPAM tax unfair." And they're right.
Rich unaffected.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2281.
It burst into SPAM!
Oh, the humanity and
all the passengers!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2286.
I lobbed a SPAM soft-
ball at Darryl Strawberry
SPAM does not have fans

--Jack Leach

2324.
Karadzic sealed in
tin. A lovely sight to see.
The first pig in SPAM.

--Mike McGaff

2352.
Timothy McVeigh.
Hanging is too good for him.
I say, feed him SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2373.
SPAM yanked from Olym-
pic menu. Do you believe
in miracles? Yes!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2380.
Sheriff's deputies
follow gel trail to Manson
at SPAM's Movie Ranch.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2384.
Lizzie Borden took
a can and served it to her
mom and dad. Murder!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2392.
Old retired jocks to
star in ads for new SPAM Lite.
"Tastes filling!" "Less great!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2466.
The New York Times said,
"All the SPAM that's fit to print."
There's no news today.

--john.foster@camel.com

2475.
Dennis Rodman tries
new hair color called "SPAM Pink."
Bulls go 0 for 9.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2507.
"S-Chip Bill" proposed
to censor TV SPAM ads.
Much public support.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2559.
Texan Senator
quits. Changed my bumper sticker:
"Spamm for President."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2560.
Babe nominated.
Hanks and Travolta shut out.
SPAM is triumphant.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2564.
Dennis Rodman sports
a bold new look. He's wearing
SPAM on his head now.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2565.
Rodman ejected.
Too much slippin' and slidin'
On dripping pink grease.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2629.
The FDA finds
that SPAM isn't good for you.
Wow, that's a surprise.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2632.
Cafeteria.
Prisoners are given SPAM.
Riot! ATTICA!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2633.
Taco Bell comes out
with new SPAM chimichangas.
Run from the border!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2639.
Surgeon Gen'ral warns:
You can eat SPAM while pregnant
Child death rate triples

--Anonymous

2640.
Sure glad they cancelled
the Super SPAM Collider.
What a waste of pork.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2641.
Strict new safety rule:
"Employees must submit to
random SPAM-testing."

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2649.
Izat Begovich,
Slobodan Milosevich:
SPAM upon their land!

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2676.
Buchanan campaign
Rocked by another scandal.
Advisor ate SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

2698.
"SPAM haiku and fame!"
Blares the Chicago Tribune.
John Cho is King Spam!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

2732.
Pat Buchanan says,
"Build 40-foot wall of SPAM
to keep out wetbacks!"

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2733.
"Evolution wrong,"
exclaims Pat. "Can't explain SPAM!"
But who would want to?

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2734.
"Flat tax makes you rich,
all the SPAM you can eat! YUM!"
Forbes drops out of race.

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2735.
Military men
and criminals all ate SPAM.
Cause and effect? Hmmm.

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2736.
Bob Dole cracks a smile.
Did Elizabeth fry him
some SPAM this morning?

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2737.
Republican SPAM:
It's the same old pork in a
fancier new can.

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2738.
"Read my lips," said George,
"No new SPAM taxes!" Next prez:
Clinton. No surprise.

--Andy Dustman, andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu

2817.
Worldwide pollution
"Human Spam Counts Decreasing!"
The silver lining

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2824.
Unabomber's change
of heart: non-lethal pork tins
inflict mass terror.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2836.
"Mad cow" warnings halt
all beef sales in U.K. stores.
McSPAM starts riots.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2837.
Mir linkup in space,
astronauts bring SPAM as gift.
Uh oh. Nude space walk.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2841.
O Hyakutake
Night sky blue as my SPAM can
Ooo! Ahhh! Back to sleep

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2851.
Dole nomination
guaranteed. SPAM quality
guaranteed. Oh, joy.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2875.
Eating British SPAM
Leads to haiku craziness.
It's "mad pig disease."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2876.
Apple Computer
Goes out of business, and yet
Hormel survives. Ha!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2950.
Autopsy finds SPAM;
Kevorkian was nearby.
See you in court, Jack.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2968.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2989.
Unabomber lived
on SPAM, venison, tuna.
Mystery now solved!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

2991.
Hormel sells Top Shelf
Meals to Dinty Moore, gives full
Attention to SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

3000.
The Unabomber
Didn't make bombs out of SPAM.
Guess he's not so bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3009.
Whitewater is just
lukewarm compared to Bill's yet
unknown SPAMgate scam.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3021.
Unabomber, Goetz,
and other assorted nuts.
The common thread? SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3050.
Dear Hormel people:
I'll blow up your factory!
--Teddy Kaczynski

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3064.
A newspaper reads:
"SPAM Haiku page is quite cool."
Can we stand the heat?

--Rebermuse@aol.com

3118.
Kesey is queasy
Leary offs self on the Net
Ultimate spamming

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

3139.
Gulf War Syndrome was
Not caused by weapons, but by
SPAM in MREs.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3202.
Just before the raid
Israel warns Lebanon:
"We'll be dropping SPAM."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3205.
Jackie O auction:
Japanese investor bids
big for her SPAM hat.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3245.
Yes, I've heard of it.
It made all the front pages.
But Mad SPAM disease??

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3251.
For the latest news
and meaty bits of gossip
please turn on C-SPAM.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3267.
A new restriction.
FDA promulgation:
All foods, drugs, SPAM-free.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3338.
Minimum wage hike
proposed. Hormel protests, "Sales
of SPAM will plummet!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3339.
Montana's Freemen
start to crack. Why? The only
food left now is SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3342.
Hillary follows
Jackie O. with an auction.
"How much for Bill's SPAM?"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3402.
1992.
Serbs serve Muslim prisoners
cold SPAM on a stick.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3403.
1996.
Cold SPAM on a stick is found
to be a war crime.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3431.
"Pol Pot is dying."
"Hormel pulls SPAM from market."
Which news is better?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3445.
MAN KILLED BY A CAN
OF SPAM! Zealous SPAM-fan ate
It in the tin can.

--Anonymous

3476.
They say in England,
Cows go mad from eating meat.
"Some more SPAM, Bossy?"

--John Mitchell

3529.
Is anything as
dangerous as eating SPAM?
Flying ValuJet.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3590.
"Most-favored nation"?
Little do the Chinese know
This means lots of SPAM.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3592.
Baseballers puzzled.
Why do pitchers stink so much?
Pregame: Wolfing SPAM.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3622.
Boorda approved SPAM
For Navy rations. I would
Have shot myself, too.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3673.
Ted Kaczynski "loved
nature," and yet he ate SPAM.
See the problem here?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3743.
In North Korea
they are desperate for food.
"Except SPAM," they say.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3851.
Each day I thank God
SPAM is not British beef parts--
we would all be mad

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

4017.
After NBC's
Investigative report,
I won't touch the stuff.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4104.
Welcome back, Oh SHAM.
While you were gone, SPAM tanker
Exploded. Hey, wait.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4105.
Hillary and Jean
Houston probe psychic depths. Heads
Spin, SPAM spews from mouths.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4106.
Hillary sits up
In bed, growls deep. "YOUR MOTHER
SUCKS DOWN SPAM IN HELL!!!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4107.
Hillary writhes in
Rising bed. Bill so sickened
He can't finish SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4117.
"Now I wanna heat!"
With the last SPAM lei mor
Addio Margaux

--Anonymous

4138.
The Unabomber
Begins sending SPAM by mail.
People are still scared.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4196.
"Mr. President,
is it true the FBI
kept files on Hormel?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4201.
Gates and Hormel come
out with new all-pork channel:
MSPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4286.
Someone didn't like
The SPAM at the Olympic
Village Restaurant.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4287.
Flight 800 blew
Apart in midair. Last time
They serve SPAM on planes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4288.
Bodies submerged for
Many weeks? Recover like
Lifting SPAM on fork.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4297.
Little girl gymnasts.
One tests positive for SPAM.
Leaves the Games in shame.

--Michael Davis, DAVISTRGZR@aol.com

4339.
Little Kerri Strug
Did amazing vault despite
Ankle limp as SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4339.
Little Kerri Strug
Did amazing vault despite
Ankle limp as SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4375.
The Smashing Pumpkins
are all arrested for the
possession of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4378.
Budget rent-a-cop
plants SPAM in Olympic park.
What an idiot.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4382.
German magazine
says that movie star Tom Cruise
has a low SPAM count.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4387.
Watching NBC's
Olympic coverage made
me wanna hurl SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4489.
Jack Kevorkian
builds a machine that drips SPAM
into people's veins.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4490.
Microscopic life
found in Martian meteor.
But no food in SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4541.
Gorilla saves child:
Kid's about to eat SPAM, and
ape yanks it away.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4670.
Orioles' player
Spits, spams a childless umpire,
Roberto's poor taste

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

4676.
Omaha Bombing
Terrorists used SPAM filled bomb
"It takes a licking"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

4677.
Yeltsin ousts Lebed
Fiery Russian made grab
For Boris's SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

4679.
Nor'Easter spams coast
Drops 8 inches on New York
City slippery

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

4755.
It's leaked to the press--
In the Unabomber's shack,
Thousands of SPAM tins.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4900.
Yankee Stadium.
Kid throws SPAM at Orioles.
Now he's a hero?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4989.
Texaco execs
joke about "pink jelly beans."
Just what do they mean?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

5015.
It turns out Hormel
is a CIA plot to
destroy poor people.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5086.
Door jammed on shuttle.
Engineers discover cause.
Old SPAM found in seal.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5087.
Turns out a sloppy
technician smeared his hands on
door seal. He'll be fired.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5088.
Later, depressed and
drunken shuttle crew will tie
him to the launch pad.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5089.
They force feed him cans
of SPAM, leave him there. Next launch
leaves weird ash on pad.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5127.
The morning paper.
Headline: "Tiny Tim Is Dead."
A tear on my SPAM.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5521.
World-wide news shocker
All blue cans shed fatty tears
"John Cho drowns in SPAM"
-- Gabriel

5947.
Autopsy reveals
Surprising Boulder secret:
JonBenet ate SPAM

--David Gillin

6145.
Eating SPAM is like
having Tupac Amaru
guys crash your party.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

6149.
Scottish scientists
thought of cloning SPAM, but thought,
"That's just plain evil."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

6725.
Japan's boom and bust
Hong Kong returns to China
Only Spam's constant

--Paul Handley

6933.
comets sometime fly
cult membership wants to die
empty cans of spam

--Britt, britt@prairie.lakes.com

6947.
Blissful and serene
The Chosen eat SPAM pudding
and wait for Hale-Bopp.

--Gabriel, kilgarin@intrepid.net

6966.
Pathfinder's success
Barnacle Bill discovered
Pink, petrified SPAM

--Karen in NY and Sue in IL, BasketSue2@aol.com

7024.
Andrew Cunanan
Killed Gianni Versace.
For a can of SPAM?

--David Gillin, dgillin@king5.com

7143.
No suicide note
Miami houseboat myst'ry
Just empty SPAM cans

--paul handley, phand@mozart.inet.co.th

7245.
On MIR space station
Supply ship brings only SPAM
Cosmonauts jump ship

--Bob City

7463.
North Korea starves.
UN airdrops SPAM. Regime
Quickly surrenders.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

7464.
Box: "AmeriCares."
But when shipments include SPAM,
it's "AmeriScares."
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

7684.
Judge hands down sentence
Marv's rehabilitation
Bite SPAM, not women
--Cholesterol 300

8070.
The au pair gets life
But Hormel execs walk free
Where is the justice?

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

8566.
Poor Sonny Bono
Skiing through a SPAM forest
Yeah, it got you, babe

--Cher, Cher@heavenly.com

8567.
Michael Kennedy,
Pass the SPAM you idiot!
OUCH! That's gotta hurt.

--Ted, TK@shooters.com


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.