The People's Choice Cuts: 1001-2000
1.
They have no more SPAM
My hands tremble with
anger
Clean-up on aisle 5
--Cissy Hartley
2.
I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved
time and trouble
--Ken Zuroski,
zuroski@cmu.edu
3.
Boy trapped in ice box
Nothing else inside but
SPAM
Boy eats own left foot
--Anonymous
4.
Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We
set her on fire.
--Ken Zuroski,
zuroski@cmu.edu
5.
Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll
retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
6.
Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous
gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.
--William Bradford,
tslug@peak.org
If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might
see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.
--Tom Elliott,
Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au
Drunk crippled Ewok,
Dead on sidewalk, piss-drenched fur,
SPAM
just out of reach
--Charles Campos,
chaz@mailserv.edcc.edu
Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's
yang
Pink pursuing pink
--Bill Turner,
turnerwj@muohio.edu
10.
Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's
your 'Treet'."
The brats torched my house.
--Bill
Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com
Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light,
gelled.
--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu
Turkey-shaped SPAM for
Thanksgiving dinner. None give
thanks
but the turkey.
--John St. Croix,
JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV
13.
"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know
which
pig parts you're getting."
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder
weapon?"
"Alimentary."
--Ken Zuroski,
zuroski@cmu.edu
What a mockery--
Lettuce and fruits surround SPAM.
Why gild the
lily?
--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu
Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is
winning.
--Ben Hitz,
hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu
17.
I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I
say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and
Mountain Dew
--Bill Turner,
turnerwj@muohio.edu
SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of
Pork."
--Rory, son of mickman
20.
AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay
Atinlay.
--Artinmay Oodabay,
booda@datasync.com
Thanks again to the anonymous panelists for helping me select among
1000 haiku, to our special guest expert, Dr. Diane M. Harris, author
of Regulation of Porcine Adipose Tissue Lipogenesis by
Somatotropin, to Phil
Erickson for writing the vote tallying cgi script, and to Alec
Proudfoot (alec@netcom.com)
for hosting the ballot box.
John
Nagamichi Cho, a.k.a. The SHAM /
SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.