The People's Choice Cuts: 2001-3000
1.
Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise
men
and one complete fool.
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
2.
Taco Bell comes out
with new SPAM chimichangas.
Run
from the border!
--Bob Roberds,
broberds@ix.netcom.com
3.
1984:
"Slavery is freedom" "War
is peace"
"SPAM is food"
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
4.
In Shakespeare's SPAMlet:
Shouts at Ophelia, "Get
thee
to a cannery."
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
5.
If Schrödinger's cat
eats the SPAM,
uncertainty
is out the door:
dead.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
O Terrible SPAM!
You're not a carcinogen.
You're cancer
itself.
--Holly Jenson, hj@rosenet.net
7.
Old retired jocks to
star in ads for new SPAM
Lite.
"Tastes filling!" "Less great!"
--Bob Roberds,
broberds@ix.netcom.com
8.
SPAM treat: smart pâté,
or meat parts, or
ma's pet rat;
spells and smells the
same.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
New brand: Chia SPAM.
Meat and greens in every
bite.
Hormel, we'd buy it!
--Bruce D. Sidlinger,
Bruce@Sidlinger.COM
O'er black bubbling vat,
Snout, ears, feet, and fat. This,
that.
Witches cackle, "SPAM!"
--William Routhier,
routhier@cybercom.net
11.
Republican SPAM:
It's the same old pork in a
fancier
new can.
--Andy Dustman,
andy@neptune.chem.uga.edu
12.
After scrutiny,
methinks it is doggie food.
I eat on
all fours.
--Dan Beeder,
daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu
Queasy, greasy SPAM
Slithers without propulsion
Across a white
plate.
--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu
14.
Born in World War Two.
Hogs marching off to
battle.
Dressed in tin armor.
--Marc Frattasio,
marc_frattasio@bedison.com
At the abbatoir
Scythes and grinders groan. Outside
Hormel's
barrow waits.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor),
mickman@intonet.co.uk
Is putting SPAM on
The engendered feces
list
Scatological?
--Barrie Collins,
bcollins@comox.island.net
When I was a kid
Mom would make SPAM casserole.
Now she denies
it.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
Patio slime trails
Are not from snails but anxious
SPAMs seeking
escape.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor),
mickman@intonet.co.uk
19.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at
Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.
--Martin Booda,
booda@datasync.com
20.
Cheeks pink as primrose,
SPAM-sculpted. Sweetly
dimpling,
Pig-malion smiles.
--Paula S. Jordan,
jordanp@worldweb.net
Churchill on SPAM: "A
riddle wrapped in a myst'ry
wrapped in
some pink gel.".
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
Evita eats a
slab of SPAM, sings "Don't Cry For
Me,
Minnesota."
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
Thanks again to the anonymous panelists for helping me select among
1000 haiku, to Phil
Erickson for writing the vote tallying cgi script, and to Alec
Proudfoot (alec@netcom.com)
for hosting the ballot box.
John
Nagamichi Cho, a.k.a. The SHAM / jcho@naic.edu
SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.