Ruth Levitsky's 1999 Holiday Cookbook
and Emergency Resources Guide, 1999
Poem by Ann Gallagher, 1999 District 31 Toastmasters
Humorous Speech Contest Champion
"Lunch with Ruth"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walk by, and I was pretty certain it was Ruth.
She was wearing a moo-moo, so I called out "yoo-hoo", and she gave me the one fingered salute.
She had a certain style, that could be seen from a mile, and I liked her independent gate.
I wanted to meet her, but how should I greet her, on what level could we relate?
I decided right then, that to make her my friend, I would just ask her face to face.
but she looked to be crazed, which made me afraid, after all, I wasn't carrying my mace.
I jumped up and down, waved my arms all around, then I yelled across the lane,
"Being friends would be swell!" She returned with a yell, "What? Do you think I'm insane?
But she was very kind, and she bought me some wine, then she invited me back to her house.
She laid out a spread, with homemade bread, that had a definite smell of a mouse.
One bite of her pie, and I thought I would die, it wasn't the least bit edible.
With a sinister glare, she said with a flare, "I hope your insurance is all paid in full".
The casserole, that was covered with mold, made me nauseous with disgust,
It was lightly baked, with crumbled snakes, that she had hidden under the crust.
What's wrong with you, you evil shrew, I thought you were my friend?
But it appears that the feast, you forced me to eat, will bring me to my end.
"I can't eat anymore, or I'll collapse on the floor, I think you have poisoned me".
"My body is churning, my stomach is churning, just get me a hot toddy".
But she kept serving the slop, til I thought I would drop, then she giggled with glee,
"Just have a good burp, then I'll serve you dessert, followed by a big cup of my tea".
Just a tiny sip, and that was it, there was no strength left in my physique.
The tea tasted strange, like dead animal remains, though the ingredients are still a mystique.
It was a terrible shame, when the undertakers came, but still no one knows the truth.
So, although she is nice, you may want to think twice, before ever having lunch
Artichoke Heart Casserole
2 - 6 oz jars marinated artichoke hearts
1 small onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon each pepper, oregano, Tabasco
1/2 lb sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
2 tablespoon minced parsley
Drain marinated artichoke juice from one jar
into frying pan; drain the other. Chop
artichoke hearts and set aside. Saute onion &
garlic in marinade (5 mins.).
In bowl, beat eggs; add crumbs and seasonings. Stir in cheese, parsley,
onion, garlic, artichoke mixture. Turn into greased 7 x 11" casserole dish.
Bake in 325 deg. oven for 30 minutes.
Burnt almonds (Badam soukhte)
1 cup whole almonds, unblanched
1 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
2 tablespoons finely chopped pistachio nuts (optional)
In a heavy, dry skillet over low heat, toast the almonds for 10 minutes or until
the skin changes to a deep brown. Turn the almonds over individually if
necessary to toast them uniformly. Set the nuts aside.
Line a baking sheet with a sheet of foil. In a heavy-based skillet over low
heat, cook the sugar for 10 minutes or until it is completely dissolved and
caramelized. Do not overcook. With a wooden spoon, add almonds and
cardamom and stir rapidly. Keep skillet over very low heat.
Quickly spoon out heaping teaspoons of the almonds, giving each cluster 2
nuts. Sprinkle with a few fragments of pistachio. Work quickly so the
caramel does not harden in the skillet.
Cool completely, remove the clusters from the foil and store in a tin with a
tight-fitting cover. Makes about 3 dozen.
Lucky Charms Tuna Salad Sandwiches
2 Cans Tuna (1 Chunk Light & 1 Chunk White)
2 cups Lucky Charms cereal
1 Stalk Celery-Diced
1 Small Onion-Diced
Salt, Pepper, Vinegar, & Mayo
1 Small Dash Of White Pepper
Mix all ingredients
Put on bread. Put sandwiches in your desk til you want them.
And remember this quote
from Marjorie Noack,
Past Immediate Distinguished District Governor
District 31 Toastmasters:
"Refrigeration is Overrated"
Important Phone Numbers & Web Sites
Butterball's Turkey Hotline
American Association of Poison Control Centers
Preventing Food Poisoning
Wicked Good Guide to Boston Restrooms
A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year
old grandson one morning. He had made her
coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of
coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom,
there were three of those little green army men in her cup.
She asked, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson answered, "Grandma, it says
on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
Wishing you the merriest New Year's ever,
Advertising: Visit the I-GODDESS web site at web.mit.edu/levitsky/www/