I t h a d t o b e d o n e . . .
the best -- the worst -- the most colorful
> Announcement from Fleer, (#49) dated Sat Feb 10 17:53:44 1990 Lame parting comment #4: You cheated! The deity must have helped you out! All the people who are winning are friends of the Deity! Have you noticed that? The deity must have given you things! This is my favorite of all. Copyright 1989, US of Madison, Washington Empire Game.
While it's been said that the ability to laugh at yourself shows character and individuality, it's always a lot more fun to laugh at other people.
With that in mind, the Suboceanaen Arts and War Academy present the very best of the very bottom of the barrel, the flotsam, the sheer incompetent. We find them funny because they shamelessly broadcast all the inadequacies that we try hardest to hide in our daily lives. The anonymity of the Internet shields their egoes, and they never cease to find a way to humiliate themselves.
Yet through it all, they remain noble in their failures, because they tried. For this, they deserve to be immortalized.
Greatest WeenieThis most popular Subby has, in the past, been given to the country who demonstrates him/herself to be the ultimate non-empire player. Their style of play, their method of operation, not only involves selling all the food and/or commodities in their country, not only involves using announce to ask questions like, "What does that L of my coast mean?" |
It also involves whining taken to the exponetial degree about anything from the lack of BTU's (forgetting that he redesignated his cap, then proceeded to start a war) to outlandish requests of the deity (Can you please raise my tech to 400? Everyone else's tech is higher), to ridiculous accusations, ("The deity MUST be helping you, you are all his friends"), to just plain dumb things, like telling people your coordinate system, or putting your cap on the coast with no mil. | We in the empire community have a word for such a country--WEENIE. Many countries are weenies, some because they are beginners, others because they are just born to whine excessively. Few have taken weenieness to such a height, as to warrant them the Suboceanaen Weenie Award. Still fewer have gone down in history as the greatest weenies of all time. These countries are being honored at this time. | |
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While many have inadvertantly tried, most have failed to attain the penultimate recognition in the Empire Hall of Fame More famous than any Country of the Round Table, more notorious than any Rudedog winner is the country of U.S. Madison This country made its first (and last) appearance in the Great Washington Empire Game of 1989, with Tom Bunch, a.k.a. Dwip, as Deity. This guy invented the concept of the WEENIE. He whined, moaned, accused, declared war, made stupid alliances, sold of all his aircover, did everything a weenie is supposed to do, and did it well. At his height, he accused the deity of assisting all the Washington players in the game, as well as many non-washington players. His logic behind the accusation was flawless. "If all those countries are doing so much better than me, it must be because they are getting help.", he crooned. He ended up dying at the hand of Kaerconan, crying through it all. One of the worst insults to say to an Empire player in this modern age is that he plays like U.S. Madison. No one yet has come close to such infamy, and I believe no one ever will |
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Here was a country you just had to see to giggle at. Among his many exploits, declaring war on a country who happened to be shooting conquered civillians, because shooting civillians is morally abhorant (Yes he was serious). He also refused to attack unoccupied sectors because he felt that that would be attacking the deity, and that it would be foolish to "attack God". Fortunately for him, the country who he declared war on was none other than Fodderland, so he didn't live much longer. He hates Fodderland to this day...an honor that Fodderland revels in. This also occured in Washington Empire 1989. Gorgon went on to design the first Galactic Bloodshed games. He lives out the rest of his life in relative obscurity... Other Notables
Bob's Domain Recent AdditionsNone at this time... |
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Perpetual FODDERThere are quite a few active players in the empire community. Among them are some of the best players in the game. They are not our present concern. Instead, we now honor those countries who we see over and over again at the very bottom of the power chart. The countries who manage to get killed in every game, not necessarily because they are disliked, but simply because they are PERPETUAL FODDER.The OriginalsMacrossThe kinda country you pray to be next to, because you know he's easy meat. Countries like Dorsai, and Revelstone have had incredibly wonderful experiences killing him. BatakHis presence here is almost unexplainable. Not only did he play often, not only did he know the game. he even started out his games in relatively good position, with decent strength. Then suddenly, almost instantaneously, he's dead. No explanation, other than people recognize his name, and start up the lawnmower.
SwitzerlandLater known as Ghostlands, Switzerland was immortalized in Harvard Empire by being the only country to get killed twice in the same game, by the same country. His main problem throughout his career was an inability to keep his enemies from getting their filthy hands on a map of his country. NarniaThe name Narnia is a popular country name, but the multiple people who have chosen the name Narnia have always died, and died quickly. It just goes to show that you have to be careful when selecting a country name. Old Narnia, Old FODDER. New Narnia, New FODDER |
Big Mouth,little gunSome of the best players in Empire manage to survive as a result of a great deal of hype. Everyone's heard of XYZ, so you'd better not mess with him, unless you want to be turned into Swiss cheese. Well, every once in a while, we run into a country, and we find that all he consists of is hype, and if you take away the wind, all they really are is FODDER. These are the great ones. Some of the players on this list now might even be considered good. But we both know how they'll really be remembered The OriginalsSinergyArguably one of the most stacked cooperative countries ever formed with 6-8 top players of that time, Sinergy began the game declaring themselves the winners. Of course, soon they began to notice the differences in playing styles, and a clash of egos never allowed them to select one overall leader. What started as a potentially devastating win ended in its final days as an announcement booth for one crazed elf. TaygetaMost famous for saying "If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead already." Taygeta, played by Round Table member, Jim Griffith, is a fine example of a country that tries to live by just reputation alone. You just can't do that in Empire and expect to win every time. LersingSome people may argue that Lersing is a great player, and that he really doesn't belong here. Of course, the main individual spearheading that protest would probably be Lersing himself. |
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