Date:         Fri, 12 Feb 1999 10:07:07 -0600
From: "Schollmeyer, Luke" <LSchollm@HDRINC.COM>
Subject:      [WRITERS] INTRO:  Letter of Recommendation for Luke

To Whom It May Concern:

As Luke's confidant, I have the understanding of the man.  As his therapist,
I understand his mind.  Now, don't allow the prejudice of his long-term stay
at our sanitarium cloud your judgement.  He has been under my care for many
years and the drugs finally seem to be working (or he has become a liar par
excellence).  In fact, this was only his fifth time before the work-release
review board (and his second time not shackled or dulled with horse-sized
doses of Thorazine).  Anyway, I digress.

Luke claims his job in the outside world was something called a "Database
Administrator".  Now, I don't contend to know about such things as the
Internet or other computer tomfoolery (my expertise is in criminal
psychology, hence the doctor/patient relationship with Luke), but he does
have a propensity to drone on about "locking escalation", "normalization",
and "referential integrity".  I'm inclined to invoke the adage, "If it
walks, looks, and quacks like a duck..." to prove my conclusion.  Besides,
who would lie about something as boring as that?  All I know is that we had
to suspend one of our nurses for spending too much time on the office
computer when he showed her how to download pictures from
alt.fan.leonardodicaprio.

He does have a fascination with writing (his room walls are covered in
excerpts from "A Catcher in the Rye") and claims that the
suspense/thriller/mystery genre would be his forte.  I concur with his
assessment.  Given the weight of his file at our facility (it is referred to
as the "Paper Cinder Block" by the staff), he could write primarily from
life experiences alone.  If his delusions could be published, I truly
believe he could be more prolific than Agatha Christie, although Jerry
Falwell would certainly call for a ban of his books.

Luke shares a particular interest in Monte Python movies.  So much, in fact,
that the mere mention of any similar  (e.g. "It's a flesh wound") of said
movies invokes a spewing of pages of script of the original dialogue.   We
were forced to curb his affinity for acting out scenes after a week's worth
of clopping around with two coconuts shells on a fictitious horse.
Additionally, he has a passion for rugby, but again, it was necessary to
curb his enthusiasm when he tried to organize a scrum pile with the
schizophrenic patients.

All in all, Luke is a very good worker and should be a valuable asset to
your organization (just don't let him play with matches or with any sharp
objects).  Enclosed is a listing of medications and times when they should
be administered.

Sincerely,

Dr. Walter Freeman