Date: Sat, 18 Oct 1997 23:49:15 -0700 From: Chris Vaughan Subject: BIO: Chris Vaughan Returns Good evening, I'm Charleton Heston. You may remember me from such roles as Moses in _The Ten Commandments_, and Ben Hur in the movie of the same name. Chris Vaughan has asked me to talk on his behalf because he is far too humble to sing his own praises; especially in such a public forum. Chris was born in 1966 during a snow storm. Little did the world know that from this inauspicious beginning such a great individual would arise. Chris first brushed against greatness when, as a two year old, he found a cost-effective cure for the common cold. Of course, the pharmeceutical companies quickly stole his creation, patented it, and then suppressed any knowledge of it to maintain their strangle-hold on the throat of mucus-plagued people everywhere. Far from being embittered by this experience, Chris was inspired. He rededicated his preschool life to improving the ethical compass of the human race. Chris wrote several treatsies on morality and religion, culminating in his famous proofs that: 1) A tree falling in the forest does, indeed, make a sound regardless of primates being present to hear it (unless it's wrapped in lots of padding and dropped on a stack of pillows); and 2) God is dead. After this, Chris coasted through nursery school, taking time to spend with his family while he was still young enough to enjoy them. Kindergarden brought a new intensity to this young genius' life. He discovered finger-painting and girls for the first time, and took to painting nudes. Many of his paintings hung in the Metropolitan Museum of Art until Newt Gingrich had them removed last year on the precept that they were "pornographic". Later this year, Chris will argue against this before the Supreme Court in one of this nation's most important cases on free speech. But, I am getting ahead of myself. Elementary school saw the young artist becoming bored with paint, and seeking new ways to express himself in the realm of the written word. At first he contented himself with providing translations of famous works. He provided new translations of Tolstoy's _War & Peace_ from the Russian, _The Bible_ from the Greek (discovering several erroneous translations of Hebrew words in the process), and _The Karma Sutra_ from the Hindi (adding several new, important chapters of his own). Soon, Chris grew tired of translating and began writing. He wrote four important novels decrying the pointlessness and enui of his early life. In Middle School, Chris moved into his athletic period. He proved to be every bit as adept at sports as he was at more intellectual pursuits. His first love was track and field, and he narrowly missed winning a medal in the '76 Olympics in the 100m. Fortunately, he won the 200m. His success was so inspirational he was given a major role in Star Wars, and got to kiss Princess Leia. This scene was later cut, alas, but George Lucas still offers him regular parts in all of his movies. Despite the fame it brought him, Chris grew bored with track and moved into football, baseball, and ping pong, defeating the Chinese champion Xu Lus in a particularly tight match in 1978. He also dated Tatum O'Neil. In 1980, Chris entered high school and his "Science Period". Among other things, Chris made valuable contributions to Quantum Theory and Temporal Mechanics. He also dated Brooke Shields. In college, Chris developed an affinity for writing science fiction, and produced no less than fourteen Hugo-Award winners. He also dated Christy Brinkley. After college, Chris married his high school sweetheart and had two daughters with her. His daughters, if anything, were even greater geniuses. His marriage ended in 1989, and since then he has worked for the Social Security Admin. (voted best Civil Servant 8 years straight by three Presidents). He is a computer programmer and single dad who still writes some of the world's greatest SF. All of this is as a hobby, of course, as he has been independently wealthy since he invented disposible diapers. Thank you, and good night. Chris (er - Charleton) -- ******************************************** Chris Vaughan Starbug@Erols.Com The one, the only, the original BUG!