Date: Tue, 16 Dec 1997 18:07:13 -0500 From: Catherine Berchtold Subject: INT: EmJay's - the arrival The sixty-one year old library assistant stood at the entrance to the gymnasium taking tickets. Oh, how she hated these yearly writer meetings and being forced to interact with the oddest of the odd. She thanked the good Lord that she would be retiring next year, making this her last writer's convention. She lifted her nose a notch higher at the sight coming towards her. It was a full grown man in baggy bell-bottoms with a rag of some type wrapped around his head. As he walked, he bobbed and swayed to some inner tune. "Name's Randy B. Money. Randy B. a rap star. Randy B. likin' what he sees." He crossed his arms and leaned heavily to one side. The library assistant, Ms. Gray, straightened her shoulders. "May I help you?" "Randy B. lookin' for the EmJays." "Through these doors, Sir." The man grinned, nodded his head in thanks and bobbed on through the doors to take a seat. The next gentleman to she encounter was clad in only a sheet with sandals on his feet, a tambourine in his hand and no hair on his head. Behind him was a large group of giggling females, huddled together with their heads bowed in submission. "Good evening, Ma'am, my name is Doctor Lantry and these fair ladies are my groupies." Ms. Gray curled her lip in disgust. "You will need a ticket for each of your..... ladies." "Yes, Ma'am, I have them right here." Suddenly something flew by Ms. Gray's silver hair and she ducked to avoid it. She stood up and before she could recover, the thing nearly side-swiped her again. She was taking aim to swat at the irritant when she realized what or rather, who it was. "Mr. Tink, you should be more mindful of where you are flying." "I'm sorry, Ms. Gray." Tink fluttered in front of her at eye level. "I'm so excited about tonight's EmJay Awards, I almost forgot to give you my ticket. Here it is. Gosh, I am so proud of these guys!" He flew into the crowded room, leaving a cloud of fairy dust hovering around her head. Ms. Gray felt a slight breeze on her face, clearing the dust. She blinked against the wind and she discovered a woman looking a lot like Jessica Rabbit standing before her with her lips still puckered. "Ahh, now you can see me. I'm Madam CK and I'm here to collect my Most Sensual award." Before Ms. Gray could respond, Madam CK was bodily thrown aside by a woman who, remarkably looked a lot like Jessica Rabbit. "Oh, no you don't! I'M here to collect MY Most Sensual award." Yet another woman resembling Jessica Rabbit tackled the first two while declaring the award was hers. Ms. Gray moved away from the door in hopes the ladies would do each other a fair amount of damage. That's when she saw him. He was leaping down the hall. A man in multi-colored tights with satin, curl-toed shoes and bells hanging off him in various places. He was heading straight for her. Ms. Gray had had enough! She threw down the collection bowl of tickets and stomped down the hall in the opposite direction of the Jester. ********************************** Problem : Sagging body parts Symptoms : New sounds heard while jogging Cause : A superior being Fix : Appear in public only while floating in hot tub -- Opus N' Bill's Life Repair Manual ***********************************