Date: Thu, 18 Dec 1997 15:07:01 -0500 From: Catherine Berchtold Subject: INT: the EmJay Awards - Part 2 (I'm sending it in parts for 2 reasons. I'm not sure how big of a post some of your servers can handle and because between parts I've had a Christmas play and a doctor appt. The third part later this evening.) :) Daisy Mae climbed up onna the stage, stood rat behind the special made tree stump and eye balled the crowd. She got a gander of Tom Sawyer and give him a wink cuz he wuz the feller what sweet-talked her inna wearing the black, backless sensual dress. She cleared her throat. "I is gonna read the write in votes first and then we'll git on ta them other categories. List Loki: Barbara Harris. Most Annoying: AnthonyD. Most Interesting: Judy. Most like a Prince of Amber: Corwin. Best Purple Top: Izzy." She give Izzy the evil-eye fir campaignin' early inna the season. "Best Trench: Jim Isbell (posthumous). Most Prolific Poet: Carol Cross. Best Non-extant Location: Upper Swan. Most Likely to Plead Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity: AnthonyD." Daisy rubbed her palm onna the shotgun she done hid behind the tree stump. "Best Frog: B.T. Best E-zine: Chris Lott. Best Grad School Student: Judy. Best Expatriate: Sonja." Applause rattled the gymnasium winders and Daisy raised a quietin' hand. "Now, yous is gonna have ta hold your excitement in check 'til the end or we ain't never gonna git done with this here list." The crowd settled rat down and Daisy smiled her thanks fir their minded her. "The first category wuz Best All Around List Member. The winner is Tink, with MJ bein' a close second and Randy, PatF. And BillL. tyin' for third. A bunch a other folks done got nominated, too. LL, Roz, Phanny, Judy, AnthonyD, Robyn Herrington, Woofie, Izzy, Dustin, Pete, Rodney Coates and ChrisV." "The Best Contest Organizer. The big-time winner is Phanny, with Robyn Herrington in second and MJ fir third. Some other organizers wuz Tink, Barbara Harris, ChrisV and Adam." Daisy took a sip a water and continued. "The Best Critiquer of the group is Robyn Herrington! Robyn, honey chile, stand up cuz this is a real honor." Robyn done blushed like she wuz shy. Then she stood onna the table, throw'd her arms inna the air and screamed, "Yes!" "That's nice, Robyn, now git off the table sos we can git on with the EmJays. The second place goes ta Fanoula with the third place bein' a great big tie between CK, Phanny, Judy and Izzy. We gots some other critiques, too. They is MJ, Va Carper, Trish Beard, Audrey, BillL, Rory, LL, Tony Roberts, Carol Cross, Pete, DonnaB and AnthonyD." "Whew, now here's a lady the list needs more than we otta. Woofie wins Best Flame Douser. Second place is tied up with MJ and Tink. Them other water toters is Robyn Herrington, Valentine Michael Smith, Cybele-Alison, John Bailey, Dustin, JaneW and BillL." Daisy gits her water pistol outta her pocket ta protect herself. "Best Flamer goes ta AnthonyD with CK a comin' up in the rear. Barbara Harris, AnthonyT, Jester and BillL also throws some hot tamales." Without warning, Daisy Mae gits all misty-eyed. She had ta use the underside hem of her sensual dress ta scrub her eyes clear. "The Best INT Character winner is....." She had ta suck inna bunch of air before the announcement. "Daisy Mae with Dr. Frog and Omar the cross-dressing, Arab tentmaker tied fir second place. We gots lots of characters we likes ta play with. Rqy & Xiao, Wolfess, Shurlock the Punny Puppy, "the reader," Alc the Frog, Anthony Dauer and Beast from Dysmal Keep." "The Best INT Story is the Dysmal Keep." Daisy give the evil-eye ta the Beast. "How comes I ain't never been invited ta them parties at the Keep?" That dang-gone Beast jist grinned at her. "Second place goes ta SPT or the Sweatin' Pig Tavern. Boy, there is lots of places fir us ta visit. Hillbilly Haven, The Rawhide Bikini Bandits, The Island, NIT, The Halloween Party Crew, Haven for Hopeful Romantics, "life," The Well Cafe, Tavern, Haunted Island and Phanny. When in the heck did Phanny become an INT Story? She must be some interactive player!" "We gots some pairs onna this list. The Best List Pair is MJ & Bill with AnthonyT & Judy a comin' in second. Them other pairs is AnthonyT & BillL, Judy & BillL, BillL & Woof, "us & them," BT & Dr. Frog, Mat & Jester, AnthonyD & AnthonyD, deuces, Jester & Roseanne Barr, MJ, Rqy and Xiao, Los Joneses; Carol Cross & LL and Randy Money's legs." "The Best Overall Posts winner is Judy. CathyB is a rubbin' elbows with two fine fellas BillL and Randy who is all tied fir second. We gots a big tie fir third with AnthonyT, Youngblood, Cybele Alison and Tink. Other good posts come from MJ, Roz, ChrisL, Jester, BT, Celia Hixon, Pat Fish, AnthonyD, Izzy, CK, Pete, Woofie, Dustin and CC Ryder." "The Best Signature File winner is LL or Linda. This is funny. BT got second place while Dr. Frog tied with AnthonyD fir third. More sig file people is Gary Goldberg, Antaeus, "a short one," and CathyB." "The Best Tech Contributor winner is CK. CK, take a bow, please. Okay, now sit down. We gots ourselves a three way tie fir second place with Tink, JC and Celia Hixon. Other Techies is Dustin, Sheila Allen, Phil, BillL, BT, Barbara Harris, AnthonyD, Los Joneses, Dan Goodman and Anitra." "The Best Website belongs ta John Bailey with AnthonyD a close second and Youngblood a comin' in third. More great sites ta see is LL, tink, Rodney Coates and Alisha Dewitt." "The Best Writing Exercises winner by a landslide is Tink. We also gots a vote fir "fingers on the keyboard". "Our Favorite Essayists winner is Valentine Michael Smith with Youngblood comin' inna close second and Pat Fish hot onna her heels fir third. The list gots more essay writers, who is ChrisL, Randy $, Rory, Cybele-Alison, Phil, Jim Jenkins, Anitra Freeman, CathyB, BT, Va Carper, Jester, AnthonyD and AnthonyT." "Our Favorite Poet winner is CK with BillL a comin' in second and Pete doin' a close third. Other high scores is John Bailey, Carol Cross, Tony Roberts, Trish Beard, DonnaB, LL, and Momkat. And tons of other poets caught our eye: Wes, Anitra, Dustin, Fanoula, JaneW, CC Ryder, Phanny, Susan Minyard, Jody Schiesser, Tori, BT, Merideth Johnson, AnthonyD, Audrey and Rodney Coates." "Our Favorite Short Story Writer winner is Robyn Herrington. I would've had her take a bow but I know'd that she climb onna the table again. Second place is a tie with Rory Smith and ChrisV, who got a comment: "who's slacking off lately". Looks like the people is demandin' more stories or somethin'. Third place is also a tie with Youngblood and the Jester. Lots of others made a fine showin'. Dustin, Cybele-Alison, Gary Goldberg, Raini, Pat Fish, BT, Randy Money, DonnaB, Kate, Momkat, AnthonyD, Richard Ramsaur and Darquestar." Daisy suddenly had ta jump off the stage and run ta a doctor appt. that she done forgot 'bout. She stopped at the door and hollered back, "Everybody have a drink and I'll be rat back." To be continued...... ********************************** Problem : Tummy Troubles Symptoms : Spitting up hairballs the size of a cow Cause : Self-bathing with tongue Fix : Get bathed by a friend -- Opus N' Bill's Life Repair Manual ***********************************