Date: Wed, 13 Nov 1996 23:57:00 -0500 From: Rqymond McDowell Subject: INT: EmJays: SPT: Nominal Nominations Rqy lay on the dance floor. He had been conscious for some time, but thought it wiser to feign insensibility while Billy whirled Roz around the dancefloor, splashing in the growing pool of pure spring water that seeped out from under Omar's tent. Chickenfeed was spraying everywhere from the purple beaded bag dangling from Roz's arm. Omar had climbed up on a table to save his skirts and precious snakeskin boots, CathyB was sobbing uncontrollably because her husband obviously worried more about his finery than about her and the water from the scuttlebutt continued to rise. Still and all, Rqy remained unmoving. He had no desire to be on the receiving end of any more of Billy's ire, particulary since the southerner now had his memory back. He also saw this as an opportunity to avoid doing any work and maybe working up a sympathy vote for the upcoming EmJay awards.....although he had no idea just what category he could possibly win. Undeterred, he mentally composed his acceptance speech. In his fantasy, he had just received his award, an artistically unrevealing nude of MJ herself, and had thanked all his friends, relatives, colleagues, ex-wives, lovers and spiritual advisors. He was avidly carressing the shapely statuette when he suddenly noticed he had become erotically stimulated. As he came to the end of his speech he was trying to figure out how to get away from the podium without embarrassing himself. He looked down to find he had no pants and his physical agitation refused to abate. As the warm round of applause ebbed, he straightened his shoulders and turned. He decided if he ignored the indescretion, more than likely no one else would notice either. He strolled confidently towards the wings of the stage, not looking down and not turning his head towards the audience. It looked as though it would work. He had made it almost all the way off-stage when a sudden harsh screesh burst across the border of his fantasy and jerked him back to reality..... "Ooogum Boogum Gotcha Mugglewump!" Rqy's eyes popped open to see his and Billy's former bride, the right awesome and overpowering Ms Bigwun Chulung, come storming through the doorway. She rushed over to Billy and Roz, grabbed Roz by the arm, then the seven foot giantess demanded in a heavy Orztralian accent, "An' jus' wotchu think y'r doin', flirtin' an' carryin' on with me blushin' bridegroom. Donchu 'Mercan's have no morals 'nor ethics. You 'n all your purple finery ain't gonna lure me hubby into your decadant clutches." Roz's head was still spiraling from Sergeant Billy's dancing abandon and was hardput to catch her breath, "I-I-I-didn't....." "Don't gif me none o' that. I saw youse. Sure, you think I'm jus' a backwards young empty headed aboriginal girl whose rightful belongin's can be took from her without a by-y'r-leave. But, I'll haf you know, Ms Purple Temptress, my hubbys ain't up for no estate sale yet, not by a long sight. An 'sides, I jus' found out theys goin' to be fathers." On hearing this, Aly began to cry. "Billy! How could you?" "Hey, wot she gorn an' cryin' about?" "Uh--well, honey cakes. That thar's muh fust wife, li'l Alyson. Th' wun that I forgot 'bout when them outer space rascals done stole muh mem'ry away from me." Bigwun dropped Roz's arm and stepped back. Her mouth opened and she tried to speak but no sound came. Huge buckets of tears started pourning down her face and mixing with the now knee-deep spring water. "Men!" she sobbed and ran to Alyson. The two young women went together and sat by the bar, working out the by-laws to the SPT man-hating club. Billy put another quarter in the jukebox. Rqy crept behind the bar to hide. All of Wolfess's pups learned to tread water. Omar found a run in his stockings. And Xiao began stuffing the ballot boxes for best sunburned bald-headed character with hair covered paws. Rqy Raymond.McDowell@Bakernet.com http://www.hk.super.net/~kenjoe/rays/xplr/xplr.htm