Date: Thu, 14 Nov 1996 04:43:49 -0600 From: Danny Lloyd Subject: INT: EmJay: Sylvester Atwater Mayberry The crowd turned to the podium, where stood, in all his glory, the famous Sylvester Atwater Mayberry. He currently was clearing his throat in perparation for his campaign talk. The multitude of eager Mayberry fans, realizing this, suddenly shut up - so they could hear each of his worthy syllables. "Hi there people, whatcha doing? My name is Sylvester Atwater Mayberry and I'm running for the office of most interesting INT character. I'm interesting you know. Very much so. Don't you think so?" At this, an almost deafening roar emerged from the masses, their applause filling Atwater with joy. The crowd also yelled in unison "YES", to answer his question. "Thanks," Mayberry said. "Now, on to my campaigning. First let me assure you that I will do everything in my power to uphold the sacred oath of this office, which is, 'I, Sylvester Atwater Mayberry, do solemnly swear to be very interesting.' Yes, that's what I will say if I win, when sworn into office by the list President. By the way, I'm running for that office too. I can swear myself in, you know. After all, I'm just interesting enough to do it." Once again the crowd roared, in it's approval of the speaker's every word. "Thanks," Mayberry said. "Now, where were we? Oh yes, well, I think you should vote for me because I'm really more interesting than anyone else. I have so much to say, as you can tell, and so much to offer, as you can also tell. I mean afterall, I'm very interesting." Once again, roars and more roars. "Thanks," Mayberry said. "Now, onto important matters. Voting takes place in a few days. When you enter that virtual voiting booth, keep one thing in mind. And that is - 'Who's the most interesting?' I think you'll immediately know the answer." Mayberry's words inspired the crowd to new heights of eagerness and enthusiasm as every throat in the large arena loudly proclaimed it's heartfelt approval and total agreement. "Thanks," Mayberry said. "Now, what else is there to say. You know the score. You know the way things are. And you also know the lies of the opposition and what they would have you believe. As you are aware, my opponents are all idiots and liers and scoundrels. Right?" Yet again the crowd went berserk in it's fervent attempt to register it's members' total concurrence. "Thanks," Mayberry said. "Now, I guess that about sums it up. Thanks. Bye." The illustrious and noble Mayberry walked off stage to the deafening applause of the multitudes. ------------------------------ The on-going chronicles of Master Sleuth Sherman Home I first laid eyes on Mr. Home in the fall of 1979, a night I shall certainly never forget. I was on-foot, which is my typical and preferred mode of travel, returning from a late-evening conference with an associate. I suddenly saw him there, a tall sihloette on the foggy street corner ahead. The neighborhood was deserted except for myself and the mysterious figure beneath the light pole. I might add that this looming street light was in a state of malfunction, a circumstance that added to the enigmatic feel of the moment, the pole's tall darkness mirroring that of the man's image beneath it. His presense there was in itself not an unusual type of occurence, even in the post-midnight realm of this quiet neighborhood. Often there would be an extra, out-of-place feature dotting the unpredictable landscape of this town. Downing was and is a very small, but restless, community. --To be continued--