Date: Tue, 12 Nov 1996 11:12:45 -0500 From: Mary Jane Isles Subject: INT: EmJays: Wendy Kronkat Reports *In the midst of a sea of color and noise, a reporter picks *confetti from her hair as she watches for the camera light *to flash red. More confetti cascades downward from the upper *deck, thwarting her efforts and giving everyone's clothes *a covering of multi-colored polka dots. Wendy gives up on *gaining any semblance of professionalism and awaits the *familiar broadcasting signal beep. *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* "Oh my! Uh... good evening, all. This is Wendy Kronkat reporting live from the Annual WRITERS Poll Awards Gala, held at the Rotund Rotunda in Tinkertown. Despite the unexpected rescheduling of the WRITERS Awards to a slightly earlier date this year, the voter turnout has been strong with plenty of write-in votes and vigorous campaigning by political hopefuls. Let's go down on the floor and meet some of these colorful characters up close." *Wendy makes her way along a crowded stairway, pushing past *clusters of boisterous individuals waving cumbersome signs and *chanting slogans. Suddenly, her path is blocked by a tall, *husky fellow wearing lime green pants, a plaid shirt, a button *that says "Dangerfield Rules!" and a ratty tophat... virtually *ratty, as a dead rodent dangles from a string, swinging before *him as he walks. "Pardon me, sir, may I have a word with you?" "Out of my way, there, missy! Don't you see I'm in a hurry to get to the store?" He gives the camera his best Romeo smile. "I have to buy my wife, whom I love dearly, some tampons! Yes indeedy I do." "Uh-- I'm not sure you can say that on tv-- " "Say what? Tampons? Tamponstamponstamponstampons! So there, down with repression and censure. David Brinkley for President, I say, and TJ for Most Romantic! Vote early and just say no to those other weenie imposters. Vote for TJ!" *With a nod to the camera and a tip of his rat, TJ hustles off into *the crowd, no doubt in search of an all-night drugstore. A kazoo *shrills in her ear; Wendy heads for an oddly quiet corner of the *hall where semi-darkness obscures facial features and nametags, yet ever-watchful eyes glitter. "Hello, excuse me, I would get your reactions to the campaign festivities... " *The group quickly and silently forms a semi-circle, backs turned *towards Wendy and the camera. Spelled out in large letters across *their shirts is a message: "Vote LURKERS for Most Mysterious" "Oh, well, could just one of you talk to me for a moment?" *The group remains huddled together. Wendy catches a glimpse of *a few ballots in their hands. She turns back to the camera. "Well, BoBo Walters, it looks as though we're not going to get an interview with anyone here just yet. I'll keep trying. The atmosphere is one of high jinks and partying, so it shouldn't take long. Check back in with me a little later for a glimpse of the glitz. This is Wendy Kronkat from the Rotund Rotunda, reminding you to get out and vote!" *As Wendy goes to sit down on a conveniently nearby chair, she *doesn't notice a small pad lying upon the seat which is inscribed *"Woofie Cushion"... --WK