Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1998 09:07:09 From: "J. Hall" Subject: Re: [WRITERS] INT: the eMJay award interview questions, part tree? >"If you were a canned food, what would you be? And why?" > I'm not sure I deserve canning. Freeze drying maybe. Canning involves all sorts of destructive processes like boiling and dicing then simmering in huge stainless steel vats stirred by itinerant louts with boat paddles, who occasionally, when no one is looking, toss in the remains of their bologna sandwich. Wage protestors at play. Still, if I had to be a can of something, I'd like it to be shelved in the Exotic Food Aisle, above the Hell's Breath Habanero Sauce and off to the side of the pickled cabbage shreds. Stuff no one in there right mind would buy except maybe Nick and Nora breezing into town in their Hupmobile on the case of the Missing Delightress. "Oh dear they seem to be out of Italian mango-beer roulade again, Nora." "Pish, how can these people call themselves Civil, darling?" "No idea. Probably just a run on it after St. Pullman's Day or such. Um, well look here! I haven't seen this since that time in Luxembourg City!" "Oh you mean when you fell in the orchestra pit?" "That wasn't an orchestra pit, you goose, it was a conductor's cupola." "A cupola? A cupola what?" "Just..oh nevermind. Look." "Why! Brazilian Tapir Gravy! Isn't that your favorite?" "I'd have to put Tapir Gravy right up there, darling, with Grouse Grits and Mango-Beer." "So how many cans should we buy?" "Good Lord, I'd be happy with one. A little Tapir goes a long way.." "Silly man. You always overestimate the extension of your Tapir." Etc. In any case, I'd rather be Tinned Mittens than Tapir Gravy. Something with a bit of vinegar in it, some sugar, maybe a little Red Food & Dye No. 4.. Mandarin Lichee Nuts in Heavy Syrup? Light Syrup? Champagne roux? Something like that. The stuff that's so expensive ordinary shoppers shake their heads and wonder who in gods name would buy such duffle when there's Frilojes Negritos for Uncle Marron to pick up.. Stuff that would have the shelf life of a bottle of Courvoisier. Something with that certain cache of elan..like.. Libby's Pickled Mosquito Whiskers! Jeff ------------------------------------------------ If a crash is inevitable, hit the softest, cheapest thing you can find as slowly as possible. -8th rule of Aviation.