Date: Fri, 7 Feb 1997 09:40:50 EST From: "One tink over the line..." Subject: EXERCISE: Values (Peaceability) #3 [Based on the book "Teaching Your Children Values" by Linda and Richard Eyre, ISBN 0-671-76966-9] (p. 76) "Calmness. Peacefulness. Serenity. The tendency to try to accommodate rather than argue. The understanding that differences are seldom resolved through conflict and that meanness in others is an indication of _their_ problem or insecurity and thus of their need for your understanding. The ability to understand how others feel rather than simply reacting to them. Control of temper." "..._Understanding_ is the key. We seldom lose our temper when we are trying to understand. Children who are taught to try to understand _why_ things happen and _why_ people act the way they do will become calmer and more in control." "General Guidelines" include 1. Create a peaceful atmosphere in your home. background music, tone and decible level of conversation, touching others, even a moment of silence (chanting, praying, mantra, centering...) before meals? 2. Set an example and have an advance commitment to calmness. 3. Teach by praise Some observations/games... Stillness contests? Learn to count to ten (or impose some other discipline to pause) A peace award! Who has stayed calm, not retaliated, stopped before lashing out? Discuss the benefits and costs of understanding or analysis as compared to anger; and win-win vs. win-lose. Work on expressing honestly how you feel while still not dropping back to hurting people. I.e., it is okay to feel, but it isn't okay to be mean or hit. okay? as I understand what they are talking about, it isn't the old "deny your emotions" or anything that simple. Instead, they are looking for the active opposite of anger--waging peacefulness, if you will. Now, let's see if we can work out a writing exercise based on that value... [got your die hot? let's roll!] let's start with something simple. Pick a number from one to twelve (if using dice, roll one die once. Odd? roll again, for one to six. Even? roll again, seven to twelve. If you want to, feel free to pick from one to thirteen, although twelve will do... 1. Names and Epithets -- pig, airhead, creep, etc. 2. Evaluations -- you did this because you aren't willing to listen 3. Diagnoses -- I know why you won't do this. It's because it reminds you of your father. You're only saying that, you don't really mean it. 4. Direct Commands -- Go do what I say. Don't do it that way. Here, let me do it. 5. Prophesies -- If you do that, you'll regret it. 6. Sermons -- You shouldn't waste your time that way. You could do so much more. You should lie awake at night and thank Providence you don't have to suffer. 7. Interrogations -- Why did you do that? What did you have in your mind when you decided to behave like that? What was going on in your head? 8. Unsolicited advice -- Let me tell you what I would do if I were you. 9. Hijackings -- You think you had it rough? Let me tell you about what I had to go through. 10. Redundant information -- You have long red hair, don't you? 11. Reassuring Squelches -- You'll get over it; you'll see. Just don't worry about it. 12. Cutesipation -- you are so cute when you are mad. I really think your little poems are worth reading, they're charming. 13. Contradictions -- You can't be angry. You're not upset. [List taken from "Thirteen Ways to Stifle Intimate Conversation", p. 260 in Genderspeak, by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D., ISBN 0-471-30506-5] That, in case you haven't guessed, will be the problem faced by our protagonist. Someone (the evil mastermind Pooh Personchew? you decide...might even be a cabal of somebodies, waiting to challenge our pax personalis) is going to try to make the protagonist stumble and fade in their attempt to catch the gold ring, through applying this little verbal tactic. So take a few moments and consider how this tactic might be used. Think of examples of it, in your life or others. Think about why it stings and makes you jump... And roll that die once more. One to six, got your sticks? And your number is: 1. First visit with a new group (the first day at a new job? maybe just a social gathering the protagonist wants to join? you decide...) 2. Out on a date with that special someone, hoping to get a little closer than before...(sexual configurations, how far we've come and how far we want to go, and other little details are left to your imagination. don't forget that intimacy isn't all physical...) 3. A presentation in a business venue (ah! the perspiration of honest terror, stinking up a business suit and tie...you pick the topic, you pick the level of importance, and you pick the business...don't forget to consider who might want to spike the talk!) 4. A family reunion of some flavor (ah, the kindness of those little knives, slowly flaying the skin off the protagonist, and all for his/her own good, just us family trying to help...) 5. Aunt Jane called and said she just came into town for a few days for a visit (Uncle Jim? Brother? Sister? Great-great-grumbler? You decide which of the relatives is going to make our protagonist wish they had been hatched...) 6. A turning point in relation to ... religious group? social climbers anomalous? your favorite club with funny hats and secret handshakes and stuff like that? Some kind of interesting little diversion or eddy of humanity that the protagonist is involved with... Now that's a situation. The protagonist has some desires about how this little ripple in the social river will swirl. The antagonist(s) have their own verbal weaponry polished and glistening, just waiting to descend and chop an ego into wurst and pate. Take a moment and think about this little scene. Consider what the protagonist wants to achieve, what drives them in this melee. And think about why the antagonist(s) are being so rotten... One more little roll of the die? 1. a charm of finches 2. a knot of toads 3. a parliament of owls 4. a watch of nightingales 5. a bed of snakes 6. a drove of sheep [animal groups taken from p. 63 of Random House Word Menu by Stephen Glazier, ISBN 0-679-40030-3] There you have it. A social situation, with some desires or goals for your protagonist. A method of attacking, wielded by our antagonist without mercy. And a group of animals. [you might want to keep in mind some old bumperstick wisdom...wage peace, not war!...practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty...remember, your protagonist is out to bring about the pax quite personal] Let your neural dendrites tingle and itch, let them twitch, feel them snitch...as you consider these clues. Shake hands with the characters, paint us a picture of the yard where the slaughter will begin, and...write! [A short starter? Perhaps: She was late for the appointment. Let's see what that simple beginning leads to. For those who have just joined us, you are welcome to use or not use this sentence. It's just six words, provided in case you want to start with a seed instead of a blank sheet...] With a wave of his hand, and a wild wag of his kerchief, he says, "Start writing!" and they're off... tink