Date:         Thu, 25 Jun 1998 23:56:01 -0400
From: little phalanges make big aches <mbarker@MIT.EDU>
Subject:      [WRITERS] EXERCISE: A Passion for Narrative (part three)

Based on "A Passion for Narrative" by Jack Hodgins, ISBN 0-312-11042-1

Chapter 3: One Good Sentence after Another

"Stephen Spender has described the qualities of literary
composition as (a) inspiration, (b) memory, (c) concentration, (d)
faith, and (e) song.  Inspiration is the moment of conception...
Memory includes all the singular details... Concentration is the
means of bringing the awareness to the surface and applying it to
the work... Faith is the attitude that the writer must, at all
cost, maintain in relation to his material and to his gifts as a
writer.  Song is the expert use of language, not merely in the
sense of correct usage, but in the sense that language is the
means by which a certain music is created, a sound in the ears as
well as logic for the mind.  It is  meter, it is rhythm, it is
emphasis, it is even gesture."

(Ray B. West, Jr., The Art of Writing Fiction)

(P. 47) "... A good deal of the pleasure of writing comes from the
joyful wielding of the power you are granted once you have more
than adequate control of your words, sentences, and paragraphs.
That power comes from an awareness of the potential in words --
their meanings, their sounds, their connotations; in the various
effects that can be created when certain words are put together;
in the amazing transformations that are possible in a sentence,
through varying the rhythm, the order, or the length."

Weak Writing

(p. 53) "There is an infinite number of ways in which writing can
be weak, or clumsy, or awkward, or ungrammatical, or confusing...
Keep in mind that most of the best prose you've read is almost
certainly the result of much rewriting."

Show, Don't Tell?

(P. 54) "... What it suggests is that good writing communicates by
working through the reader's five senses.  To 'show' is to make
the reader see, hear, smell, feel, and even taste the story.  To
'tell,' on the other hand, is to ask the reader to trust your
conclusions without giving the evidence, and hope that a
secondhand version of events, dealing in abstractions and
generalizations, will do."

Types of Prose in Fiction

1.  Exposition -- "Passages of exposition give the reader
information needed for understanding the rest of the story.  This
may be description of a place or person, information about
background, or necessary data on a situation."
2.  Narrative -- "In much fiction, fast narrative or summary
narrative is confined to passages where it is necessary to move
from one scene to another (through time and/or space) without
getting bogged down in details.  Telling much of the story in this
fashion could cause the reader to feel it's going by too fast, and
is unsatisfactory and shallow."
3.  Scene -- "It is in the scene that the reader is invited to
participate.  People are seen close up.  Conflict is dramatized.
Plot is moved forward by the decisions made.  We don't need to see
everything in a scene but we expect to see it clearly.  It is
noticeable that much fiction is built primarily of scenes."
4.  Half Scene -- "... the half scene is the occasional pause,
which picks up essential snatches of conversation or close-up
action."

(P. 61) Improving Your Prose

1.  Have you chosen specific and concrete words throughout, aware
of their sounds and rhythms and connotations as well as all their
dictionary meanings?
2.  Have you chosen words that are honest -- that is, specific,
direct, unadorned, plain?
3.  Have you used only words necessary for the effect you want?
4.  Have you chosen language that appeals to more than just one or
two of the five senses?
5.  Have you chosen "energy" words, in particular verbs that move
the prose?
6.  Have you conveyed your (or your character's) feelings
indirectly?
7.  Do your sentences imply some depth of meaning for the reader
who is sensitive to subtext and implication?
8.  Have you varied the lengths and patterns of sentences,
experimenting with the effects of following long sentences with a
short sentence, or following short sentences with a long sentence?
9.  Have general ideas been supported by examples?
10.  Have you considered arranging things in ascending order of
importance, of saving the best for last?
11.  Have you used comparison, contrast, metaphor, or analogy to
sharpen meaning?
12.  Are transitions between sentences and paragraphs smooth or
abrupt -- depending upon which creates the more appropriate
effect?
13.  Do sentences move in coherent order, according to time, or
space, or ideas, or logic?
14.  Have you considered arranging parallel ideas in parallel
structure?
15.  Have you experimented with emphasis by changing position,
order, or proportion?
16.  Have you experimented with emphasis by changing rhythm and
cadence?
17.  Have you considered sound or color or choice of details to
achieve tone?
18.  Have you remained aware of the point of view, or angle of
vision?
19.  Have you experimented with the effect of repeating similar
strong beginnings for a series of sentences, or similar strong
endings?
20.  Have you used sharp unusual images or original turns of
phrase?
21.  Does everything strive for clarity?

All right, that's some of what Hodgins had to say about writing
good, writing strong, writing coherent.  As usual [Mr. Phelps?  If
your mission is a failure or any of your people are captured, the
Secretary will disavow any knowledge...] these are guidelines or
suggestions to be used, abused or a mused as you will.

Exercise the first:

1.  Take a paragraph, any paragraph -- olde or new, your own or
borrowed blue.  If you think it is "blah" so much the better!

2.  Now start to improve it.
1.  Unify it.  Remove extraneous pieces, add connections.
2.  Strengthen words.  Make nouns specific and verbs colorful.
Where useful, add adjectives, adverbs, or modifiers.
Sparingly.
3.  Vary the types and lengths of sentences.
4.  Improve the rhythm.  Join sentences, create subordinate
clauses and modifying phrases, and add some introductory or
connecting phrases.  (Read aloud and smooth out rough
spots)
5.  Think about how the narrator/character feels.  Choose
details that match that feeling.  Make the sentence
structure or rhythm support that feeling.

Exercise the second:

1.  Pick a number from one to six.

1.  Going up in the elevator
2.  parallel parking a car
3.  cooking a meal
4.  posting an email response
5.  getting the keys out and opening a door
6.  washing your face

2.  Write a one page scene about this action.
3.  Strengthen it.
4.  Set what you've done aside.  Think about the key points you
want to convey.  Write a one page scene.
5.  Revise it.
6.  Now compare the two versions.
7.  Consider doing a consolidated version, building on the
strengths of each one.

Exercise the third:

1.  Take a submission to the list that you wanted to critique.
Take Hodgins' list of 21 points to consider about improving your
prose.  Select the five most important points for the author to
use in revising their submission.  [Now write up your critique!]

2.  Take one or more of your own pieces.  Consider Hodgins' list
again.  What are the five most important points for you to use
when revising your work?

And for those of you who would like a line to start with, may I
recommend the fine beginning Dan Goodman provided the other day:

        The road from Elfland to Poughkeepsie is badly maintained.

[And write, 2, 3, 4... heft that thesaurus!  Squeeze those
adjectives... let me see those verbs work!  A healthy noun is a
well used noun...]

tink