Date: Tue, 7 Oct 1997 11:00:48 EDT From: Words End Coffeeshop Subject: FILLER: Apologies and other hard words [The balding little fellow pulls up his robe of many pixels, wrinkles his nose at the reflection in the terminal, and sniffs. "Naw, that's stupid. Let's just keep it simple," he mutters to himself, then closes the braces and spaces down ] First, let me start by apologizing to everyone for taking up list "space" with this, but I think it is important. I want to apologize for Anthony. I realize that many of you don't know or perhaps don't remember that he has told us about problems in his childhood which gave him the impression that "real men" don't apologize (and probably don't hurt). He has repeatedly affirmed his stance that under no circumstances can or will he apologize. Perhaps some day he will learn a different way, but I think for now, I will just apologize for him. I don't think he realizes just how much he has torn the fabric, how badly he has bruised us, or even just how much it hurts to crawl, reeling from the pain...I can take attacks from strangers, but anger and hatred as a sport between "friends" leaves me retching in the corner. So, to those of you who were hurt, offended, angered, etc. by Anthony's recent posts, I apologize. I also have to ask Anthony a few questions, because I'm really hurt and confused. Anthony, we've talked about the fact that this list is not an appropriate place for harassment. I've said that trolling, repeated personal attacks, and refusing to apologize or otherwise deal with the issues are some of the indicators of harassment. At the time you said that we should have a "three strikes and you're out" rule. And then I see you post: -Got everyone seriously thinking about it though ... and it gave the sadists -something to pounce on, it's been long since we've had someone stir up the -list ... the cobwebs were getting to be more of a nuisance than a -decorating choice ... This seems to imply that you were deliberately trolling for "a good fight"? I know that you have alluded to your belief that you have the right, nay, the duty and so forth ad nauseum to hit back harder and stronger whenever you think you've been jostled. And I can even see where this escalation policy fits your background, military, bar bouncer, and so on. It is clear that there are lists where this is a normal mode of exchange. BUT, let me repeat, this list is not an appropriate place for that kind of behavior. Now let me ask, because I need some kind of answer... How many times am I supposed to let you "get away" with this kind of behavour? How are you going to tell, and show us, that you aren't simply looking for a round of verbal/emotional thrashing? If you want to have a "good clean fight" then you have to start by doing it with a referee, and with rules to keep it from being just another back alley brawl. Just jumping someone when you feel the need for an emotional bloodletting isn't acceptable... Take your time in answering, but please do answer. [he presses the keys slowly now, reading what he has written, shaking his head. He stops for long moments, wondering, trying to guess, hoping... and the candle flickers in the sandbox, waxy drops falling alongside damp tears, as the storm lashes and blows away a castle crumpled in the sand... ] when one person wins, we have all lost. tink