Date: Tue, 18 Feb 1997 09:04:49 -0500 From: Catherine Berchtold Subject: INT: Hillbilly Haven Bertha Mae done brung home a city slicker what wuz all oiled up and smelt funny. The Pidgon family done their best to make him fit in rat proper but the city slicker would have none of that. He jist kept on flappin his gums 'bout all he'd seen in the world and had Bertha Mae near to tears with longin. "Hey, City Slicker, how 'bout comin out on the back porch and take a look see at what I brung home to my women so they can live inna the lap of lux'ry." Pa grinned at his own joke and slapped Momma on the back. The bunch of 'em herded onto the porch and nobody ever did figure out how Bertha Mae and that city slicker got through the door together. "Oh, it's a wringer washer." The city slicker looked liked he was let down by what he saw. "I seed one at the county fair last fall and it had a de-vice what you hook up to the pump house and the water pumps rat inna the tube. No more haulin water from the creek." Bertha Mae's knees bent a tad and she pert near fell to the wooden floor in a swoon. Pa's eyes were spittin nails at that ol' city slicker for talkin down his pride-n-joy. And Momma, she jist looked at Pa real sad like. Before a body know'd what wuz happenin, Jessie Black come a runnin around the side of the house, jist a hollerin. "There's trouble in town! Ev'rybody come quick!" Jessie slide to a stop at the bottom of the porch steps but his arms wuz still flappin up and down and pointin inna town. "Pa Pidgon, you best git inna town cuz Bertha Mae and them childbarin hips of hers has done caused a riot! Henry Cleatus done went to fetch Sheriff Li'l Brick." Pa ran inna the house to git his shotgun, Momma grabbed up her broom stick and Bertha Mae clutched onna that city slicker's arm like she wuz gonna kill for him. Then, they all headed for town, kickin up dust as they run down the street.