>>> Item number 24044 from WRITERS LOG9401B --- (69 records) ----- <<<
Date:         Fri, 14 Jan 1994 18:35:02 JST
Reply-To:     WRITERS <WRITERS@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
Sender:       WRITERS <WRITERS@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
From:         Mike Barker <barker@AEGIS.OR.JP>
Subject:      SUB: Twisted Write Off! (EMBARRASSING!)

In regards to Mr. Bobbitt (I've got this right, now?  His wife cut off
his equipment and tossed it in the road?  It didn't make it to Japanese
T.V. - they probably didn't want to give any of the local wives any
ideas...:-)

- Althea who's twisted sense of humor suggested setting up a bratwurst cart
- outside the Manassas Court house

<ITV is proud to bring you this moment in virtual relief - with your
off-the-wall commentator, Eunich DeNutte>

The crowd is hot and heavy around the old hot dog stand today here
outside the Manassas Court house.  Inside, they're debating the
littering charges brought against Lorena Bobbitt, but outside, the crowd
is enjoying the road side specials brought to you by the Unchurched
Sexton.  What a lady she is, folks!  Listen to that patter...

"Yes, sir, get 'em hot.  Special today on a big fat knocker with two
boiled eggs!  In the buns, or just whacked off for you, ma'am?  Oh,
you'll take yours without relish?  Just for throwing, eh?"

Let me tell you, I ordered one in the buns, and she gave it to me.
Extras include those little curly pasta thingies dyed in various shades
for that hairy look you want to bite into, a dab of mayo on the tip of
your knocker for those excited tastes, fried foreskins as you like them,
and a baggie for your safety.  No charge for any odd tastes, either.

If you're not quite up to getting your hands messy, she'll even swing
that cleaver down and cut it in pieces the way you want it.  Ask her
about bite-size - comes in the mouth, not in the hands.

The crowd loves them.  Those knockers, swollen with the heat, steaming
inside those glistening skins, are a real crowd pleaser as we wait to
hear what's going to happen with the Bobbitt's.

And here come's the special desert of the day - a half-knocker in a cup
of ice, drizzled with red raspberry syrup!  Let's see what the patter is
for this, shall we?

"Yes!  Today only, the Bobbitt memorial cup!  Don't litter - eat the cup
and throw the knocker!  We've arranged for the local animal shelter to
bring their mongrels over later to clean up, so don't worry, just beat
that meat, then toss it!"

And here come the dogs, just in time for Lorena to throw out the first
wurst of the new ball season.  There goes the old game!

That's today's news of the wurst, here in Manassas, Varginya.

<this moment of virtual disbelief has been brought to you by Imaginary
Television Visions, a wholly unknown subdivision of Nothing Doing
Industries.  Remember, always Buy Human - We keep disunion strong!>

- Petey,
- Perhaps a barbeque on my porch?  I cook hot dogs real well!
- Late July and early August is the best bet for weather here.  Just let me know
- when you'll be around and I'll heat up the grill!

I don't want to worry you Pete, but I thought you ought to know this
followed that previous post...

*ouch*
@t@i@n@k@  (I'm wearing a disguise to write this...:-)