Date:         Mon, 11 Jan 1999 10:48:12 -0500
From: "a bibliobibuli! beware, beware!" <mbarker@MIT.EDU>
Subject:      Re: [WRITERS] SUB: Pilgrimage (Captivity - 6) [1]

First, thank you very much for the comments/critique.  I consider your note
as being the kind that is very helpful, providing insight into what you
liked about the piece, and some thoughts about what might need some more work.

Second, though, I hasten to note that this piece is NOT my work.  It is an
entry in the contest, which I have reposted (so that the authors are
anonymous...thus enhancing the focus on the work).

Third, some people have suggested that we not critique until after voting.
Actually, I don't think there's a problem with critiquing before voting -- I
encourage critiquing whenever possible!  So, if you want to critique one of
the pieces in this contest, please do -- but remember, tink is just the
postman, not the writer...

[what contest?  take a look at http://web.mit.edu/mbarker/www/pilgrim/ and
see!]

thanks
tink

At 06:40 AM 1/11/99 -0800, Zone Red wrote:
:)Hi Tink,
:)     I really do not know how to Crit this piece. No experience and not
:)sure what to crit to begin with since I wouldn't consider myself
:)knowledgeable of grammer etc.
:)     Nontheless, I wanted to say that I like this story. There was a
:)haunting quality that kept me reading to the end. You made me want to
:)know about this woman and her window views.
:)     Is this a continuing story?? Will there be more?? If so then my
:)comment of, "I think her character needs to be developed more," is going
:)to be wasted. IMHO she is worthy of her life story being told. Her
:)paranoia and fears, her unrequited love for this "gentleman". Why she
:)was alone to begin with?? Even more on the embroidery and its contents
:)and struggles to create. And with a fuller understanding of her
:)desparate desire to want to committe suicide.
:)     Thanks for this story Tink, I enjoyed it.
:)

"Take me up into your mind once or twice before I die (you know why: just
because the eyes of you and me will be full of dirt some day).  Quickly take
me up into the bright child of your mind."  Edward Estlin Cummings

tink