Date: Sat, 7 Feb 1998 06:10:42 +0800 From: Raymond McDowell Subject: INT: In DaLI with Rqy & Xiao The Tibetan's eyes blazed as he parted his filthy trench coat and flashed his long slender weapon. "Karme Wungchah Dorje!" he ordered. "You understand that?" asked Rqy. "Not a word," answered Xiao. "I'm illiterate in several dialects, but Tibetan ain't one of 'em." The Tibetan yanked his weapon, a hunting knife, from it's dirt encrusted sheath and pointed it first at Rqy, then at Xiao. Then he squatted down on the ground and motioned for Rqy to do the same. Xiao remained standing, but was still the shortest of the trio. The Tibetan then reached over to what appeared to be a heap of rubbish and pulled out a small parcel wrapped in a dirty cloth. He tore it open to reveal a lump of goat cheese. He used the knife to slice off a chunk and handed it to Rqy, then repeated the same action for Xiao and himself. Both Rqy and Xiao looked at their goat cheese with distaste. The Tibetan pointed to his mouth with the cheese and gestured for his two captives to eat. "Uh-unh. Not me Bub," said Xiao. "Why, it's not pasteurized or anything," said Rqy. "And look at his hands. I don't even want to know how he got all those brown stains on them." "Ratatat!" bellowed the Tibetan. Both Xiao and Rqy swallowed their cheese whole. The Tibetan laughed and gave everybody another chunk. He also pulled out a mason jar filled with a clear, thick liquid. He unscrewed the lid, took a big swig and handed it to Rqy. "Grog!" he said heartily. "Grogyrmog." Rqy closed his eyes and took a drink, then started to gag. The Tibetan grabbed the jar back before Rqy could barf in it and handed it to Xiao, a look of sadistic passion in his eyes. Xiao just stared at the jar until the Tibetan slammed his knife into the dirt beside Xiao's right foot. Xiao took a gulp. Satisfied, the Tibetan pulled his knife out of the ground, wiped it on his pants leg and stuffed it back into its sheath. Then he looked knowingly at Rqy. "You 'Merican," he said. "Well--yeah, and I'm really sorry for that. I didn't mean it. It just happened. I--" "I love 'Mercans. 'Mercans Zang peoples bes' friends. Long live Richie Gere." "Yeah. Great. Who are the Zang people?" "I am Zang people. Dalai Lama is Zang people. All God's children is Zang people." "Even Chinese?" The Tibetan snorted and spat. "Chinese people not people. They Chinese. More like you." He pointed towards Xiao. Once again Rqy's limbic system over-rode his better judgement. He reached out and slapped the Tibetan before he could stop himself. "Watch your mouth," he said. "My wife is Chinese." A flush of rage swept over the Tibetan's mud-stained countenance, but it was quickly replaced with pity. "No. No. No. You make mistake. Chinese wife no good. Come with me. We get you good Tibetan wife. Maybe mine." "Uh--I don't think my honey-pot would approve," said Rqy. The Tibetan grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close. The Tibetan's hot yak laced breath made Rqy dizzy. "I want to be your frien'. If we not frien's I very not happy." "Oh, we're friends all right," said Xiao. "We're buddies and pals. C'mon, let my partner go and we'll just be on our way. We gotta find a transporter to beam out of here." The Tibetan released Rqy. "Tran'porter? Oh, I got tran'porter. Lama says all God's children gotta have tran'porter." "Really, you do? Great. Could we borrow it for a second? We'll give it right back. I promise," said Xiao with his fingers crossed. "Make deal. You come with me, we go my village. Then I show you tran'porter." Neither Rqy or Xiao noticed that his fingers were crossed too. Rqy started to stammer something, but Xiao spoke first. "It's a deal." Then he turned to Rqy. "C'mon Dad, we gotta get to a transporter. Remember, it's for the Cause." "You're right, Xiao. Nothing is more important than the Cause." "Let's go then," said Xiao. The Tibetan laughed, reached into his rubbish pile again and pulled out what looked like a small flash light. He turned it on and a pale yellow beam shot forth. Rqy and Xiao watched as a group of tourists walking by the alley were caught in the beam and immediately evaporated. "Oops," said the Tibetan. "Hope they like goat cheese. Who goes first?" Xiao jumped forward and grabbed the light and turned it on the Tibetan. "You go first. We want to be polite." "But--" The Tibetan disappeared. Xiao turned off the light and grabbed Rqy by the sleeve. "C'mon Dad. Let's split before he comes back." Xiao proceeded to drag an uncomprehending Rqy out of the alley and back up the road to where Momma Wong was putting the finishing touches on dinner. Komrade Rqy of the HKSAR Cast: Ms. B.B. Loi: Former Hong Kong pop star, now a secret agent for the HKSAR. Also wife of Rqy. Momma Wong: B.B. Loi's mother. Rqy: Now disguised as a buddhist monk, he is a ne'er do well and a vagabond. In short, a writer. Husband of B.B. Loi. Xiao Da Shing Shing: Cyber-monkey turned hominid. (The role of the Tibetan was reprised by Omar the Tent Maker.)