Date: Thu, 5 Mar 1998 21:54:14 +0800 From: Raymond McDowell Subject: INT: Resort: Woofie Joins the Fray Wolfesse Elle Wrote: "Who the hell is she? Is she one of them bleedin Japanese wot is buyin up all our land and turning it into golfcourses and turnin all our cattle into steers soze they can have stubby holders made of scrotums??!! Someone ortta stop them scumbags!!" " Wolfesse dear...she is my latest wife:))))" "Wot???!! She can't be yer wife..she is too short!!!!" Rqy, Woofie and Xiao were retired to a beach umbrella where Woofie went on to explain her last statement. They were all deep in their cups when Phanny limped up to them. "I think I'll have another one o' them rum an' coke's, Sish," said Rqy. "But make it Diet Coke thish time. I'm watchin' my weight." "Get it yourself, bro. Cancha see I'm hobbled. That catch in my phulumgrum dropped alla way down to my heel. The Resort witch doctor says its a misplaced toothache." "'At's a shame, Shish. It musht slow you down somethin' awful." "Not a bit. All it does is give me an excuse t' take it easy phor a phew days. That's why I'm here at the Resort, figured I'd write my memoirs while I hadda chance." "Y'r memwires?" glowed Woofie. "That orta be kinda racy." "Iph its racy I'll haph to make it up. No, I just wanna depart my wisdom on the world. How to raise kids so they chew their food 'stead of swallowin' it whole. The Zen of yardwork. Stuph like that." "Soundsh pretty ambitioush to me." "It is. I phigure it'll take me two or three days, at least." "Ah, a multi-volume set, huh?" intoned the Lupanarian. "Well, I did wanna do it in rhymed couplets, but then I couldn't figure out what rhymed with armegeddon, so I decided to do it as a set of haiku's. Ooglum said he'll edit it phor me when it's done." "How'sh about you readin' me whatchu got so far?" "My pleasure. You just scrooch opher a bit so's I can sit down and rest my phoot an' I'll recite it." Phanny sat down and made herself comfortble, cleared her throat, took a sip of rum and coke and was just about to begin when B.B. Loi came running up to them. (For anyone wishing to capture the full impact of this meandering saga, Tink has graciously allotted it some space at the WRITERS segment of his Web presentation. Just tune your Web browser to the following URL: http://web.mit.edu/mbarker/www/road/road.html) Cast: Ms. B.B. Loi: A secret agent for the HKSAR. Also wife of Rqy. Rqy: Now disguised as a buddhist monk, he is a ne'er do well and a vagabond. Also husband of B.B. Loi. Xiao Da Shing Shing: Cyber-monkey turned hominid. Wolfesse Elle: Drill Instructor and Mythical Tasmanian. Phanny: A proud and productive member of the WRITERS community. Also Rqy's cyber-sis. Woofie & Phanney are co-proprietors of the Resort (along with a nearby brothel)