Date: Tue, 24 Jun 1997 08:52:12 -0500 From: Phanny Subject: SUB: CONTEST: HUMOR: DIALOG: FRUSTRATION Frustration A short, low budget one act sketch (1 minute) Scene In the kitchen. A middle aged man is seated at a table. He is wearing a black waistcoat over a white shirt. His blue tie is loose around his neck. On the table are a stack of bills, some newspapers and a mug of coffee. The door to the family room is open, revealing a woman seated on the sofa. She is knitting and watching television. Her hair is set in large curlers and she is wearing a pink sweater. He is on the telephone. Man: Hello, Hello. Damn, they put me on hold again. What's the point, I mean, what is the bloody point of paying thousands of dollars to upgrade a phone system, just so that you can put people on hold. Hello. Yes, yes, No. I don't want accounting for Christ's sake, I'm still holding for customer service. Thank you. (Shouts to woman) He's transferring me. On hold music: Dum dum, de dum dum dum. Man: Jesus Christ, they cut me off again. O.K. that does it. (Redials) Hello, hello? Recorded message: Thank you for calling the Harbour Group. All of our representatives ..... Man: Can you believe this? A goddam answering machine. I mean, what is the bloody point? Recorded message: Please stay on the line as your call will be handled in sequence. Da da de da, da da dum dum. Man: Hello , hello. Oh, new tape. I mean, they don't even have decent bloody music. On hold music: Scooby dooby doo, do do be do do. Man: Hello . . . hello . . . Recorded message: All of our representatives are still busy. Please stay on the line. . . Dooby dooby do .... Voice of Harbour Group switchboard operator: Hello, Harbour Group. How may I help you? Man: Finally. You can get a new bloody phone system for a start lady. Customer service please. Operator: Please hold. I'm transferring you now. Voicemail: Hi, this is Nigel. I'm either on another line or away from my desk. Please leave a message after the tone or stay on the line for an operator. Man: How do these people . . . I mean, how do these bloody people get away with it? Operator: Operator, may ... (dialing tone) Man: O.K. That is bloody well it. (dialing furiously) Answering machine: Thank you for calling The Harbour Group. Our hours are 9 - 5 Monday to Friday Pacific Standard Time. Please call back during those hours. Man puts phone down and buries head in hands. He is sobbing, quietly. Woman on sofa (shouting through open door). Hey, this'll make you laugh. I just remembered, I bought it at J.C. Penny's. Mans sobs grow louder. Fade lights.