Date: Wed, 9 Jul 1997 15:41:03 -0500 From: Phanny Subject: ALL: CONTEST: HUMOR PROSE WINNERS! (fwd) Ok, youse lot, spread yer butts and sit on em! * SCRITCH...SCRITCH..SCRITCH* OOPS! Pardon me, folks, but me fleas is real jittery tonight..is prolly stage fright..jes waits awhile till I settles em down. *SHADDAP YOUSE LOUSY BUGGERS OR YER WOAN GET YER EVENIN' TUCKER!!..AND IT IS SUMMAT SPECIAL TONIGHT..BLLLLEAT* There, that's better..now ...where was I?....Oh yeah... In case youse is wondering, I is here to present the Humor Prose winners. I am real chuffed to be presenting these as I allus fancies a bit of the vignette as yers knows..got a real lil bewdy in me paws right now..this one's gort real class, I can tells yer..it has hidden depths it has, very subtle little job...yer doan get to unnerstand its true character until the very end... yer can allus tell where a good one like this comes from..yup..lemme look at it again..yep..it gives its origin away atta glance..yep..this one definitely was given birth to onna slopes of the Swan River..right next to effluent outflow from the Vines Golf Course..Them Japanese owners doan know about our rules on septic disposal inna Australia yet..but we ain't in any hurry to appraise em of the fact..not when we is gettin' vintages like this one..Ah Swan Valley Septic Tank #9 Vintage 1993..a blind mullet in every bottle or yer money back.. Wot???? Wot ya hissin' at me fer Phanners?...you is wettin all me fleas! (Cripes Oglum, stop phartin fer jes one minute.. I can't see wot's in front of me through all yer fumes!) Wottya mean prose and vignettes ain't vignette? (Dwayne!!...stop doing that to Oglum..that's downright disgustin'!!) Wot's the difference then? Ain't I presentin' the prose/vignette awards fer the small production vignerons??? (Wayne, stop phiddlin' wiv Phanny's buttons...you is distractin' her!) Wot's a bleedin' vignette then?? (Xiao..go over and give ole Buttdawg a poke..he has fallen asleep again..and yer better haul Ole Bill outta that fishpond..he is turnin' purple..) Wot??? A bleedin' writin' thingy?..one of them poofy arty farty tarty thingies?..Bleedin cow pats!!.. (Cathy B..shaddap..it ain't funny! And I can see you snickerin over there in the corner, Carlos!!..) This is gonna ruin me reputation!! (Aww Momkat, tell them girls to stop gigglin' at Clive's wormie thingy in his tequila) OK..Ok..cripes..if I gotta do it, I gotta do it..psst..Phanny..wot the hell do I *have* to do?? (Tony!!..I will lay a bleedin goat steak fair over yer head in a minnit!! Gene and Tosky..stop playin poker wiv Dustin and pay attention! Terry L..do you HAVE to dance nekkid in here as well as BT and all them others?..This ain't the bleedin prairie yer knows!) OK..OK..doan get yer knickers innna knot..roight..here goes... An the fust prize goes to...... Pat Fish for "Taking on the Farm" The second prezzie goes to..... Sue Hunter for "See Jane. See Jane Laugh." An third goes to...... an third goes to...... Hmmmm.... we hadda tie, soz..... Tommy Carter for "Being a Country Kid" and Mike Barker (tink) for "Something to Roo" By Wolfess Elle aka Woofie