Date: Wed, 9 Jul 1997 15:44:03 -0500 From: Phanny Subject: ALL: CONTEST: NONHUMOR POEM WINNERS! The crowd was awash with mixed drinks and antici------pation. When Phannie came back on stage she had changed costumes for the fifth time that evening. This one was frontless, backless, topless and bottomless. Luckily she was still wearing her bloomers and bathrobe. She was also making a bold fashion statement by wearing a floral showercap and a coldcream mask. "OkayOkayOkay! One of the most competitive events of this contest was the nonhumor poem segment. We are lucky to have so many imaginative and talented authors. Here to make the presentation for cereal poems is one of my own phavourite individuals, even if I did create him myself, warping to us from his own dreamworld somewhere in Southeast Asia, better known as Xiao Da Shing Shing's adopted daddy, Rqy!!!!!" There was deaphening applause. But when five minutes had passed and Rqy had still not appeared on stage, the tape machine ran out and had to be rewound. When it began a second time, the air on the stage began to shimmer. Then with a sulpherous implosion and a flash of light, Rqy appeared in all his glory, his cloven hooves sparking against the floor as he shuffled from on goatleg to the other. Many of the people in the first five rows were blinded by the glare of reflected light when Rqy bowed his head in acknowledgement. Then, while they were still recovering, he began his presentation. "Well folks, Ms Phannie has asked me to make this presentation, and I'm very happy to do so. But, before I do, I'd like to tell you that I'm damned jealous of each and every one of you writers. There was a lot of good stuff here. Also note the contestants for this event will now take their places on stage 'cause we decided to combine the award ceremony with a bathing suit contest. So, mark down your favourite bathing suit on the cards provided as you came in the door as we introduce the competitors. "Seagull" by Edward Sherlock (lenzcap) "Abyssinian Memories" by Pierre Schweitzer "Two Poets" by Roz Shoshonna "Desert Reverie/Before the Fall" by Leslie Dong "Traveler" by Paula Preble And the Winners are: 1st Leslie Dong for "Desert Reverie....."!!!!!! 2nd Paula Preble for "Traveler"!!!! 2nd Roz Shoshonna for "Two Poets"!!!! yes, a tie!! 3rd Pierre Schweitzer for "Abyssinian Memories"!!! As the talented and well-endowed Leslie Dong stepped forward to receive her award, the crowd burst into such applause and wolf whistles as to drown out the canned variety. The rest of the contestants picked up the winners and carried them off into the night. By Raymond McDowell aka Rqy