Date:         Wed, 9 Jul 1997 15:43:17 -0500
From: Phanny <corbett@SLUAXA.SLU.EDU>
Subject:      ALL: CONTEST: NONHUMOR PROSE WINNERS!

Enter Phanny. She is wearing a low-cut sequined evening gown,
diamond earrings, a pearl necklace and dangerously high heels.  Her
hair is newly coifed as well.  The effect is stunning as she
gracefully weaves her way across the crowded stage.  Some of the
impact is lost, however, because every two steps she jumps straight
up in the air and squeals.  This hopping and yelping is accompanied
by snickers from a person yet unseen.  When she finally breaks free of
the crowd, we see Xiao ambling along behind her.  He is wearing a tux
and his coolie hat.

Phanny:  Will you behaph yourselph! Can't you see I'm tryin' to giph
         a good impression?  (Straightens her clothes and hair, then
         addresses the audience.)  As we all know, writing prose and plays
         is a very diphphicult way to make a living.

Xiao:    Helluva way to win a contest too.

Phanny:  Xiao!  Please.  You're here to present the award for best
         prose in the nonhumor category.

Xiao:    Okay.  Now, folks there were only two works submitted, so I
         figured, by way of entertainment, I'd just give a reading of
         each them here and now.  We'll begin with "Did You See Them?"
         and work our way through in alphabetic order.
         To do this right, we all need to get in the proper
         mood, so everybody drink up.

(The ape removes his coolie hat and jumps up on the podium.  He
begins to declaim in a loud voice ringing with joy, but with a
layered sub-text of regret, remorse and frustrated libido.)

Xiao:     "My grocery lists are poems....."

(A small group of people in the back jump to their feet and applaud
heartily.)

"Great Stuff!"

"The stuff of legend."

"A legend in my own time."

"Timing is the essence of good....."

Phanny:  Excuse me, Xiao.  I really don't think we haph the time for a
         complete reading of each play.  Why don't you just list the
         titles of them and then tell us who the winners are.

Xiao:    (Notably depressed)  Aw......

Phanny:   C'mon Xiao.  We still haph other awards to hand out.

Xiao:     Okay Phanny, but just 'cause we make such a beautiful
          couple.  So listen up you guys.  The nominees for nonhumor
          prose, with the theme "Modern Maenads" are:

          Did You See Them?
          Number 9

          And now Ms Phanny, If I may haph the envelope.

(Phanny hands Xiao the envelope)

           The winners are:

First place:  "Did You See Them?" by Mike Barker (tink)!!!!!
and
First place:  "Number 9" by Paula Preble!!!!!!

Yes, we have a tie, and two, countem, TWO winners!!!


By Xiao (Raymond McDowell aka Rqy)