Date: Sat, 5 Jul 1997 21:04:21 -0500 From: Phanny Subject: INT: PAPP: June Cleaver Prepares "Sufferin succotash! How'd I git these dad blamed pearls round my neck? They're chokin me....." Phanny mutters, phumbling phor the clasp in back. Then she looks down. "This dress!! Wot??!! Getta loada this dress! It's... it's.... why it's one of them poofter thangs my momma made me wear in grade school! Geeze Louise. Summat phunny's goin on here...." "Yeah. The view was a lot better a short time ago..." Rqy mumbles dejectedly. "See? No matter what I do, it doesn't turn out right. I must have a curse on me..." Judy is still staring at Phanny, in awe that June Cleaver is there, unaged, in real life before her. "June, I gotta tell ya, I never vacuum the house in heels. I don't know how you do it.... and that Beaver kid.... I mean..... haven't you ever considered child abuse?" A southern belle, playing cards with Dustin et al., listens intently. "Ah declayah!!" she exclaims. "Yes, I do that a lot, too. And they lissen up perty good.... most of the time..." Phanny glares at Xiao, hanging phrom the ceiling lights again, signaling moves to Dustin. Woofie is groveling around the phloor of the tavern with a penguin; both of them are drunk and singing a song about Canucks "Ohhhhh.... shucks! Them crazy Canucks!! Yes, they got hosses. But they need bosses! Ohhhh.... shucks!!!......" "I knew this place was goin to the dawgs without Wayne around. That Dwayne is hopeless! And this crowd is..... whale..... er.... they ain't invented the words yet. DWAYNE!!! If yer gonna have phrog leg specials, you don't go soaking the whole dern phrog in the beer pitchers, you schlepp!! Phanny mutters, "Gotta do ever dern thang round this place yerself, and then.... sheesh... I dunno where Dwayne drags these idjits in phrom..." "Phanny, you need some help?" Judy inquires cereally. "Go klunk Omar inna haid again and see if that wakes him up. If not, git under his.... erm.... tent there, and see wot you kin do bout dephlatin his tent pole ". Phanny gently maneuvers the daid phrog outta the shattered beer pitcher. The bearded gent on the bar stool begin to stir out of his stupor. "It warn't the drink, it warn't! It war them chili an lime tostitoes!! Them is wicked! Wot happened to me??!" the old gent mumbles, fear in his eyes. "SIGGGYYYYY! I got another one phor ya!" Phanny yells out to the porch. Rqy rushes in. "Aw thanks, Sis! Just in time!" Just then, the phrog in Phanny's hand begins to move its legs, and she looks at closely. Judy and Rqy are watching, too. "Look! It isn't daid! NOW what're we havin phor dinner, Dwayne???" "Of *course* I'm not dead", the phrog says dryly. He hops down and shakes himself a bit. "Hey, this is Dr. Phrog! Alc, how in the whirled did you gitchurself in that pitcher? It's good to see you again!" Phanny beams. "Who in the heck is Dr. Phrog?" Judy asks. "AAAAeeeeaarrrrggghhhH!" screams Omar phrom the phloor. "I thought I toad you to take care of him, Judy." "I did, Phanny. He's calling me again! Heeheee! I haven't had a man calling me in *years*!!! I'm so excited! Gotta go!" Siggy pokes his haid in the door. "Ve haff a empty share for ze necks customer...." Dr. Phrog strolls confidently out to the porch, thinking the chair is a shoe shine station.... Phanny begins pulling off her wet dress and pearls, muttering under her breath.