Date: Tue, 24 Jun 1997 13:43:55 -0500 (CDT) From: Phanny Subject: SUB: CONTEST: Humor: Dialog: Sleeping Arrangements (NOTE: I gave this a working title. -- Phanny) It is quite clear that American men of the middle 19th century had few of the same hang-ups about male-to-male contact that men do today. It was not unusual when traveling then, for example, to share a bed with a stranger. However, no matter how tired one is of driving, I can't imagine a scene like this: (A Holiday Inn on Interstate 95) Tired Traveler: Do you have a vacancy? Desk Clerk: Oh yes. We have plenty of room. TT: Great. (yawns) I'm really bushed. DC: Do you prefer smoking or non? TT: Non, please. DC: And how would you like to pay for that? TT: American Express. DC: Fine. Now let's see. (checks his list) In non-smoking you have your choice of a traveling salesman from Poughkeepsie, a gentleman on his way home from fishing in the Keys, and the commander of a Midwestern militia group. TT: Excuse me? DC: Your bed partners. Frankly, I'd take the salesman. The fisherman smells a little, well, fishy. And the militia commander will have his combat boots on and his Kalashnikov in bed with him. He has to get up early. Maneuvers. In the biography of JEB Stuart, Bold Dragoon, Stuart once complained loudly to his commander, General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, because he (Stuart) was upset that Jackson kept his spurs on one night while the men shared the same bed roll. Can you picture something like that happening during WWII? (Supreme Allied Commander's tent, somewhere in Germany) General Montgomery: Frightfully sorry, old chap. Seems I'm cut off from my unit. General Eisenhower: Oh, please stay here for the night, general. GM: Jolly decent of you, Ike, old man.. GE: Monty, why are you wearing your pistol, boots and beret to bed? GM: Got to be ready to spring into action at a moments notice, what? GE: But Monty, don't you think that's a little dangerous? By the way, do you prefer the right or left side. GM: Left side, old chap. Dangerous? No, I always keep the Webley on half-cock. I say, that's damned attractive set of pyjamas. GE: (Getting into bed) Thank you. GM: (Settling in beside him) I say, Ike, I do hope the pistol won't be too much of a bother. GE: No. (Sighs resignedly) Actually, its an improvement on last night. George Patton slept over and he wore his riding boots with spurs. American soldiers today button two shelter-halfs together to make a pup tent. The teepee shaped Sibley tent of Civil War days wouldn't work today. (A U.S. Army camp in the Euphrates River valley in Iraq during Desert Storm) Major Jones: Men, our supply truck was hit by friendly fire, so we only have one Sibley for the battalion tonight. Battalion Personnel: (collective groan) MJ: Now men, I don't like it either, but it's just for tonight. We'll get replacement gear tomorrow. BP: (collective sigh of resignation) MJ: Men, I know it's not comfortable to sleep snuggled up together... BP: (collective nod of assent) MJ: But we'll just have to do it. Private Wilson, are you licking your lips? BP: (collective laughter) MJ: Oh, and men, I don't want you to eat supper tonight. BP: (collective grunt of anger) MJ: Men, your MREs will give you gas, and we will be just too closely packed together. BP: (collective stomach growling) MJ: Alright, alright, you can eat! BP: (collective smile) MJ: Just make you have your gas masks handy. So values are different. Exactly when this happened is uncertain. It was probably an evolutionary process, but by WWI the physical closeness that Civil War soldier enjoyed with his mess-mates was gone. The so-called Victorian period at the turn of the century undoubtedly had a lot to do with this attitudinal transformation.