Date: Fri, 20 Jun 1997 12:37:41 -0500 From: Phanny Subject: SUB: CONTEST: Humor: Prose: Unscrewed UNSCREWED "Hi, Mr. Pratt." "Hello, Joey," William said. "Aren=92t you going the wrong way, Mr. Pratt?" "Oh, I forgot something in the office, as usual, I=92m afraid." "Yeah, I noticed." Joey grinned. William continued hurrying along the corridor. He was always taken aback by American impertinence, yet there was something about it that seemed less offensive than similar comments made to him at his last job. William dropped his briefcase beside the help desk facing the entrance and checked behind it. Not finding what he was sure would be there, he stepped back and into his office. "Oh, good," Alise heard William say as she left her desk to take her turn at the help desk. "What?" she said, peeking into William's office. "Oh, that. Julani found it behind the help desk right after you left and dropped it on your chair. Well, no, he didn=92t really drop it. He was very gentle with it." "Thank goodness. I was in my car and checking the rearview mirror when I realized I'd left it behind." "How do you forget something like that?" William shrugged. "Oh, you know, one gets thinking about other things and walks out. I'm still aching from rearranging Elsa=92s lab equipment last weekend. I never knew how much a box of beakers weigh, and I still dislike recalling her electrodes and all those lab tables. I=92m really quite strong, you know, and I=92ve tossed them around in the past, but I never had to carry one down three flights of stairs before. So as I sat here, I took it off to stretch my shoulders, and put it down when I received a phone call. Then, I=92m afraid, I forgot all about it." William picked his head up off the chair, and set it on his neck. He turned his head to his left until he felt it settle in the grooves, then rotated it to the right. "The last time I did this, an officer pulled me over. Since I was only a block from home, he let me go." Once his head was screwed on, William tightened the bolts in his neck. "That was fortunate." "There are some nice cops out there," Alise said, nodding. "Still, forgetting your head --" "Too many things on my mind, I fear. And I=92m still rather dazed by my recent good fortune. Moving here, Elsa finally consenting to marry, getting this job and getting away from my previous situation. Really, my co-workers there were intolerable, uncooperative and often quite mean-spirited. There was one fellow, an Igor, of all names, who wandered around brandishing his Bic like some sort of torch =96 Oh, I=92m sorry. Sometimes I tend to go on." "No problem, William. It sounds like the sort of place that makes people vent." "Yes, it was. I=97I hope it doesn=92t seem like gushing to say this, but it's so much nicer here. It=92s so good to work with people who take care of you." "Not gushing at all." "Well, I must be off. Elsa gets peevish when I=92m late for dinner. See you tomorrow." "Have a good night." Alise watched William leave, and for a moment pondered his departure before struck by what was wrong: he had his head on backwards. She shrugged, and sat behind the help desk with a trade magazine. All new employees had their quirks, after all.