Date:         Tue, 28 Jan 1997 15:10:46 -0800
Subject:      SUB: Valentine's Contest: "Till Death Do You": One Act Play

There's still time to send your entry! Check out
http://web.mit.edu/mbarker/www/val97/val.html for details.

Please reserve all critiques on contest entries until after Valentine's
Day!
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Not exactly love...but certainly a comment on romance

Till Death Do You

"Son, I told Ruth I'd call you about your plans.  I can't imagine what you're
thinking.  You two can't split up.  As far back as anyone can remember,
Connovers don't get divorced."

"Yes, Mom, I've heard it since I was a kid.  The Connovers are perfect.  Kind,
hard-working, and devoted to each other--the BRADY BUNCH extended family.
Married for life.  Everyone in town says so.  We must have some ancestral secret
for an ideal happy marriage.  Sorry that I'm ruining your stupid tradition, but
two years of being married to the wrong woman is more than enough.  Do you
really expect me to listen to Ruth's nagging 'so long as you both may live'?  I
can't stand it.  She complains that I'm out of work, she whines about my having
a few drinks, she calls  me an alcoholic.  Now Ruth gets you to lecture me so
that I won't break up her so-called happy home.  I'm sick of her."

"Maybe it's the drinking you should be sick of.  We always told you that it
killed your father.  Weren't you listening?  If you keep on like this, the same
thing may happen to you."

"Don't say that!  I'm nothing like him.  My problem isn't alcohol; it's the way
Ruth behaves."

"Like paying your fine for drunk driving?"

"I explained that to you.  It was NOT my fault.  That cop was just out to get
me.  Why do you and Ruth keep harping on that?  Don't you realize that a man
wants to feel trusted?  At least Nancy believes in me."

"Nancy is a lush, and you know it.  Maybe she's your drinking partner, maybe
more.   Ruth and you were such a beautiful bride and groom.  How can you treat
her like this?  How can you leave her for that tramp?"

"Stop talking about Nancy like that.  You don't really know her.  Once she's
your daughter-in-law, you'll change your mind."

"Don't you understand?  That is never going to happen."

"At least Nancy knows what I'm going through.  If it weren't for her, I'd go
crazy.  Since we were both laid off from the plant...."

"For showing up drunk.  Besides, you were fired three months ago, and you still
aren't working.  When was the last time you even checked the want ads?"

"That damned foreman was just trying to hit on Nancy...and jealous of me.  Why
won't you folks believe me?  And there aren't any decent jobs available these
days...which Ruth doesn't seem to understand.  Do you expect me to earn a few
crummy bucks flipping burgers?  Or stay home mopping the floor squeaky clean
while Ruth's out at work?  Now that hers is the only paycheck, you'd think my
spending a few bucks to relax was some kind of crime.  If Nancy were my
wife......."

"I told you.   You can't marry Nancy.  And you'd better stop going out with her.
 Ruth loves you, but I don't know how much more she can take.  What would happen
to you if you staggered home one night to an empty house?"

"Probably I'd invite all my friends to celebrate--Nancy, Johnny Walker, Jim
Beam.  Is that what you want to hear me say?  Mom, you just don't understand
that the marriage isn't working."

"Then work at it.  Every marriage has its difficulties, but you and Ruth must
stay together.  You're going to destroy your life."

"No, I'm just going to have the life I want.  What's wrong with that?"

"Sponging off your wife and hanging around bars with your bimbo makes you happy?
 Or forcing your wife to leave so that you and Nancy have two unemployment
checks to turn into whiskey?  Is that your way of living?  And how long can that
last?  I can't force you, but you need to get help--and soon.  If you walk out
on Ruth or shame her into leaving you, I don't know what will happen."

"This is crazy.  We don't have kids, we aren't getting along, what is so
terrible about divorce?  We aren't even Catholic.  But your in-laws had this
weird tradition, and you act like it's the word of God.  The average marriage in
the U.S. lasts seven years, but we Connovers celebrated one golden and two
silver anniversaries last year.   And let's not forget the great-grandparents.
Together seventy-three years and counting.  For richer, for poorer, in sickness,
in health, and practically forever. And what good does it do?"

"Look at what has been happening in this country--violence, drugs, child
abuse--the homeless and the hopeless.  Why not drop out of school, work,
marriage, reality?  Meanwhile Americans can't decide whether to legalize drugs
or send truants to boot camp.  If each adult had to keep at least one loving
relationship, would that be so bad?  Would the country really be worse off?  The
Connover tradition isn't having bad marriages; it's fighting for good ones.

"If divorce is so terrible, just how are we Connovers supposed to handle
problems?"


"We solve them.  If we can't, we face them, we bury and forget them, or we learn
to live with them.  We DO NOT run away by getting a divorce.  You may find that
attitude old-fashioned, but it's one reason I married your father.  So many
couples in my own family had split.  I can't even remember my father, I had four
sets of grandparents in four different states, and I barely knew my
half-brothers.  The Connovers became the only close relatives I had.  The
weekend barbecues, the picnics, the birthday parties.... Always someone willing
to help out or just listen.   Don't you realize how fortunate we are to be part
of this?  Isn't it worth some compromise?"

"Not to me.  Not if it involves staying with Ruth and doing whatever the family
says.  What kind of life is that?"

"It's the only life for you.  Family happiness may require sacrifice.  But would
it be really asking you too much to try?  Maybe counseling would help...or
Alcoholics Anonymous.  Don't you see how desperately you need to save your
marriage?"

"Why should I bother?  Ruth thinks she's threatening me.  'I can't live with you
drunk half the time.  If you don't try to get a job, I'll leave.  If you don't
dump that slut, I'll move out.'  I wish she would."

"Do you know what you're saying?  When you marry into a family, you take certain
vows....""

"I know...you never divorced my father...but don't tell me you never thought
about it.  I can remember weekends when I was little...the whiskey on his
breath, his slapping you when he couldn't find a clean shirt, the beatings
because my toy cars were too noisy.  Just because he was a Connover, did that
make everything all right?"

"No, of course not.  But I kept hoping he would change back to the man I
married.  He was wonderful until his mother and the man next door were killed in
a drunk driving accident when you were four.  That's when the heavy drinking and
the beatings started.  He just couldn't handle the memories.  Certainly I
thought about divorce. But I wasn't willing to destroy my family."

"So what was the Connover cure?  Counseling?  Hypnosis?  A.A.?  Or just learning
to live with it?  Maybe we all would have been better off if you had just walked
out."

"But I did walk out.  How can you have forgotten what happened?  Don't you
remember, the December you were in kindergarten, our tiptoeing out of the house
one Sunday morning while your father was sleeping off another hangover?  When I
put your coat on over your cowboy pajamas, I pretended we were going for an
early Christmas visit.  We walked the half-mile to Grandpa Connover's, both of
us bruised and crying.  Remember driving in his gray Rambler to stay with Aunt
Betty?  Then he went with the cousins to get our clothes and talk to your
father.  He promised that we would never face any more abuse."

"So Grandpa solved everything and turned his son into the perfect husband.  Are
you really claiming that?"

"Certainly he wanted to.  It's just that your father met his death a few days
later.  Alcohol kills.  Surely you must understand that.  But even with him
gone, all the Connovers were so good to me...to us.  Don't you see what that
sort of family means?  They helped provide for you...not just money, but
attention and love.  When I met Brad, they were genuinely happy for me.  They
knew you needed a father...one who didn't drink.  (I suspect your Uncle Frank
got his police unit to check...just in case.)  It was your Grandpa Connover who
walked me down the aisle when Brad and I married.  The entire family was there,
cheering.  And they've accepted all our children as family, just as they've
accepted Brad as your father."

"He IS my father...what a father should be...someone who cares.  But even Brad
acts like a Connover.  At my bachelor dinner, Brad was the one to announce that
this wedding was forever because Connovers never divorce."

"Maybe if he talked to you...or if you heard it from Uncle Frank.  There are
some things that a mother just shouldn't say to her son."

"That won't help.  You can't make me stay.  I have to do what's best for me."

"That's my point!  You're my son, I love you, but you aren't listening to what
I'm telling you.  The family will do what it can, but ultimately you're the one
responsible for what happens.  You MUST quit drinking, get a job, and stay with
Ruth.  Till death do you part...we never divorce in our family."


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without the gunky mess when you remove them.

Michelle
winebird@inreach.com