Date: Fri, 14 Feb 1997 01:45:31 +0000 From: BT Murtagh Subject: INT: The Well Cafe "BT!!!!" Alcmaeon yelped. All eyes in the Well Cafe turned to him; Dr. Frog seldom yelped. BT whirled, with rather unfortunate consequences. He'd just been applying a broad line of red to his Jackson Pollock-like action painting with a large mop. The Secret Elephant whispered a scream as the stuff went all over him. "RIVET!" Rivet the Robot Frog hopped over to the counter to get a wet rag. "J-j-j-jeepers, Alc, what'd you yelp like that for? Can't you see I'm doing a painting and had this mop soaked in red paint which has just been splattered all over one of our best customers (Sorry about that, uh, guy) when he was just sitting there minding his own business and not wanting to become part of the artwork at all although I must say it adds something to the place having a living painting even if he does look like an accident in an economy-sized gourmet abbatoir with all that red dribbling..." "BT!!! Get a grip, and lay off the exresso I might add. I merely wish to draw your attention to the calendar." "It's Thursday, right? Um, Girlfriends of Bitter Unrecognized Geniuses Support Group Night? Not that there's as many of them as I'd expected, I guess being a bitter unrecognized genius has gone a bit out of style these days and they're having trouble getting girlfriends, which certainly wasn't the case when... sorry. Rivet, can I have a decaf please? And a round on the house for the girlfriends over there." Several of the motley group of women glared at him, causing him to smear multicolored paint over his forehead. The one with the chain through her nose looked like she could eat him for breakfast. "Some of those are also the geniuses, BT. Rivet, a round for the bitter unrecognized geniuses and/or girlfriends, please... Rivet?" "He seems frozen, Alc, staring at the resignation notice our surly waitress carved into the countertop when we finally paid her." "We were paying her beans, BT." "Yeah, but they were top quality beans. I even offered to have Rivet grind them for her, but she said she wasn't letting him near her beans or anything else. What the heck's the matter with him anyway? He seems hurt, even if he is made out of iron." Alcmaeon sighed. "I wrought better than I knew, BT... he has developed autonomous emotional characteristics, and I fear his amatory inclinations are unrequited." BT pondered a moment. "He's in love with the coffeemaker?" he asked as he snatched the rag from Rivet's immobile form and tossed it to the pachyderm. "No, BT... well, yes, after a fashion, but not... oh, never mind. Although love's succour isn't irrelevant to what I wanted to discuss." BT looked at the Secret Elephant in surprise. The cloth was smearing the red paint more than removing it."What about him? I admit it's odd that he hasn't left since we opened, but he's quiet and he sure buys a lot of our product. The plumbing isn't stopped up again, is it?" Alcmaeon blinked. "I beg your pardon? No... can we please stick to what's relevant, BT?" BT looked irritated. "The only thing sticking to him right now is the paint you made me spill, Alc. And you're the one who insists on bringing him up all the time." The Secret Elephant suddnly sat bolt upright , causing an ominous creaking from his stool. "yesss!!!! yiu 'ave guesss-ed my secret! I 'ave dessscended an' i can' get up!!" He raised his slouch hat with his trunk. "No shit," muttered one of the geniuses bitterly. "Damn elevator's only rated for 800 pounds, the stairs are narrower than Ed Wood's profit margins and I can't see an elephant climbing a freakin' rope ladder. And where's my latte I'd like to know?" Rivet squeaked and clanked over to the table with a tray of lattes as if he too weighed more than the elevator could handle, swivelled his nut eyes mournfully at the group, then ground a short distance away to collaose with a rattle. The geniuses and girlfriends looked at him with angry compassion. "Typical exploitation of the worker," one pronounced, and they all turned to glare at BT. BT gulped. "Uh, so Alc, what were you saying...?" "It's not Thursday anymore, BT. It's Friday." "VALENTINE'S DAY!!!" BT yelped. "Omigosh, Alc, we're gonna miss the Ball! And there's a couple of entries that would make great scratchy 13MM film scripts for Saturday nights!" "Be calm, BT! All we need do is get you cleaned up and we can be transported there in the proverbial jiffy." The genius who had spoken earlier unfolded herself from her chair and challenged bitterly, "So you're just going to leave this poor metal frog here to rust, is that it? Capitalist pig!" "Yeah, and what about the relevant?" piped one of the girlfriends. "Just gonna leave it here?" Alcmaeon spoke soothingly. "No, we can transport the relev... the Elephant too. And Rivet, for that matter... BT, could you paint a quick tuxedo on him before you shower?" "Sure!" BT replied happily. "Maybe he'll find a girlfriend too. Let's all go!" "GREAT idea!" said the head genius bitterly. "Why shouldn't we go to the Ball? We'll help you stack these splitery chairs and then we'll help the squeaker find contentment, if any of us can recognize it. Come on, grrllz!!" The Intersupport Group of Bitter Unrecognized Geniuses and Girlfriends exploded into action, stacking furniture with energetic abandon. in very short order the whole group was ready for transport in the cleared center of the Well Cafe; geniuses and/or girlfriends bitter, BT cleaned, Dr. Frog his usual elegant self, Rivet freshly painted with a tuxedo in the Cubist style, and the Elephant evenly coated in a reddish pink stain. "Say," said a genius, "What is the proverb about a jiffy?" Alcmaeon replied, "Actually, only th" They all twinklingly vanished. BT