Date: Sun, 15 Feb 1998 09:54:17 -0500 From: tori Subject: Re: INT: VDC: The Winners (at the outpost) *Tori stands up and starts waving her arms. Tapping her little foot encased in yellow sequined slippers because no one sees her barely reaching above the table, she yells "HEY EVERYBODY!!!!!!" At the turn of everyone's head (except Audrey who is still writing a poem (as always!!) in the back of the room), Tori speaks loudly so all can here--even the waiter who is bringing her more strawberries for the chocolate fondue. She rejoices with pride at the audience's reaction to her low-cut, tight-fitting, Barney-colored gown covered with fist-sized orange and green artificial flowers decorating the long skirt and sleeves. She'd had the dress made especially for the occasion. In a somewhat normal voice, deeper than you'd expect from such a Big Wee Woman, she says *slowly* so everyone can hear her, "I want to congratulate all the winners. You did an excellent job! And thank you to all of you who voted for my essay. I also want to thank Susan Minyard, a wonderful writer and a fabulous critter--the critiquing kind, of course, not the little furry kind...." Tori smiles happily that one of her lame jokes gets at least one loud guffaw from the back of the room. She continues, "Thank you, Susan, for writing that fine essay. With your fine work to compete against, I feel deeply honored to win this award tonight. I also want to thank Anthony and Michelle for holding the contest; it is a great deal of work, no matter how much fun. "I'd also like to thank Tink for having the list so that we could have the forum to have the contest. Also, thanks to the server for not breaking down..." She is cut off by 1000 people knocking on wood, or their cat, or their keyboard, or their significant other which results in arguments that last until they finally get offline so that Tori can finish her speech. Tapping her hair piled two feet high on her head to give her the allusion of height, she waited for the din to go down. "In closing," she ignored the joyful whispers, still speaking as slowly as some people figure out how to program their VCR. "I want to thank my husband for standing beside me while I spend hours at the computer critting, writing and reading my e-mails. Also, I want to thank my mom for showing the beauty of the written word. I want to thank my grandparents, my in-laws, my aunts and cousins--especially Cousin Joe-Bob for giving me the idea for the article that I'm working on which is the study of why acceptance speeches are so long. And I want to thank my kitty-cat for keeping my lap warm while I write, and my dog, Wicket, for keeping my feet warm while I sleep, and I want to thank my iguana for keeping me..." Suddenly, the low howl that she'd ignored throughout her well-articulated speech rose to a deafening peak from the crowd. When the sound at last overwhelmed her, thinking that all the Writers had finally gone mad, she ran from the room, trying to not trip on her gown's six foot train, yelling, "And thanks to my fish for helping me keep sane..." though no one heard her. Thank Goodness.