Date:         Sat, 19 Oct 1996 12:16:23 -0400
From: Kathleen Lunamand <kakl@CRIS.COM>
Subject:      INT: WFJ: Western Fantasy Journalism...

This just in......

NEWSFLASH:  KIRK STUMBLES FROM WOOD, 4 STILL MISSING

MACHOLAND (FLD):  A disoriented and dishevled James T. Kirk stumbled from
the Pretty Much Scary Wood bordering Macholand early this morning.  Bruised
and completely naked, the aging Kirk was forced to cover his genitals with
his toupee.
        "I can't.  Understand it," the former Captain was heard to say.
"It's been.  So long.  Since.  I've been.  Turned down!"  When asked to
elaborate, Kirk refused, although witnesses state that they heard the former
sex symbol muttering such things as "It always worked before" and "I want my
old writers back" as he was led to the ambulance that sped him to the
Lazarus Long Center for Medical Treatment and Ego Inflation.
        Kirk was a member of the five man team that left Macholand Monday
morning in search of the Bimbos that have been terrorizing Fantasyland
recently.  The other four members of the party, Conan, Kull, Superman and
Rambo, are still missing.  There have been reports of loud music, laughter
and suspicious moans from residents close to the PMS Wood.  However, these
reports remain unconfirmed as yet.
        The bimbos, referred to as the "Brickhouse Five" and the "Unabimbos"
by members of the media, have been rampaging unchecked across Fantasyland of
late, leaving in their wake a trail of terrror and adolescent lust.
Regrettably, their rawhide bikinis seem to be holding up rather well.  Our
reporters are comitted to keeping our readers abreast of further developments.