Date:         Fri, 20 Dec 1996 09:30:50 EST
From: "feet of clay, lost marbles - that's tink!" <mbarker@MIT.EDU>
Subject:      FILLER:  With Apologies, You Get Bad Jokes?

1.  Apologia

[sigh.  I have broken my own rules, posting in haste without taking
time to think, revise, and probably drop my idiotic monkey brain
gibbering on the floor.  I can almost feel the bamboo stick on my
shoulder now...

Brother Alphabet, please accept my sincere apologies for the rant last
night.  No matter what anger, frustration, and so on I am feeling,
such a personal attack is not justified and I should not have relieved
my stress that way.

To the rest of the list members, also, I extend my sincere apologies
for committing public violence.  As has been noted in the past, I am
human and make mistakes (despite the occasional reports of halo
glints, half-glimpsed wings, or other semimythical gracenotes--no, I
do not polish my hooves, they're naturally black!)

so?  you think a little apologia note is enough?]

allow me to pull pieces from a couple of other postings of mine.
somewhat revised, but some of you may recognize them...

2.  This one's FOR You!  (But AGAINST some kinds of behavior!)

[let me see...perhaps we could sit down at this small round table,
lean back in the comfortable wire-back chairs, and relax for a moment
in the cheerful bright sunshine here in ecity...ah, alphonse.  Just a
moment--would you like something?  Donut, morning pastry, any kind of
snack at all?  alphonse maintains a large and impressive bounty--all
fresh, all pleasing.  I've asked him how he does it and he always just
mumbles something about an overflowing cornucopia of bits.  Alphonse,
could you just get me a large mug of that rich European dark
roast?...beautiful fall here in ecity, don't you think?  Feels like a
time for looking back on past harvests and forward to the great things
we can do this winter...just celebrating the season and the
gathering...thanks, alphonse, that will do for now...]

I shan't continue the tale, but I hope you might get a bit of the
feeling of sitting in the sun, pondering together.  That's what I would
like to do for a few moments, at least.

Let me start with a point that I keep trying to figure out how to get
across to people.  Frankly, I find it frustrating that such a simple
point seems to be so hard to communicate, but I keep on trying to help
people see it.  Perhaps you could help me with expressing it?

Let me put it this way this time -- I am, quite often, FOR people.  I am
seen as coming out FOR someone, as taking a stand FOR them.  And it is
true, I do come out and try to give individuals support, positive
feedback, all that kind of touchy-feely stuff.

Unfortunately, this is often seen as meaning I am AGAINST someone else.
The friend of my enemy is my enemy...choose up sides and declare
yourself, stranger, be you Christian or be you Heathen?  En Garde!

I understand, or at least I think I understand, where this comes from.

If (as many do) one believes in "pro and con", "offense and defense",
and other simple polarities, indeed if one's main metaphor for social
exchange is "one-on-one brawling" or some such equation of language and
win/lose, zero-sum "games" (and I use games here in the strictly
mathematical sense, not in anyway to diminish the importance of these
negotiations)...if one views the world through those black/white
glasses, then my being FOR someone implies that I am AGAINST some
others.

Quite logical, and within the boundaries of that worldview, quite
convincing.

But it is not true.  Allow me to pry out of context Whitman's words and
proclaim that "I contain multitudes."

And I am FOR you, also.

Let me be extraordinarily clear about this.  You have contributed
significantly to this group.  You have brought a focus on poetics
which I have been happy to see.  You have grown and changed as you
learned that this list could be a place for you to work on writing.
You are clearly a strong voice in the chorus that makes up the list at
this time.

And that's really good.

My point, then, is that I am FOR you.

I am also FOR ~CK~, FOR Randy, FOR Roz, FOR the width and breadth and
depth of human individuality expressed here on the list and even beyond,
in that strange part of our shared experience which we so blithely
identify as "the real world".  I even root FOR people belonging to parts
of experience which most people would probably call "fiction" or even
"fantasy" -- I want them to win, to succeed.

(and the world will be better for this, that I dreamed and I strove with
my words, to write...sorry, drifted off for a moment there...)

Does this make any kind of sense to you?

What?  Does this mean that I accept any and all behavior, condone it
all, agree with everyone?

No.

I refuse to confuse the person with the behavior.  If you'll pardon me
for dipping into religious phrasing, I try hard to love the sinner, even
while I condemn the sinning.

I have before and will continue to point to certain kinds of behavior as
problems.  I see them as damaging to our selves and our social partners.
There are lists of such "grit in the social gears", such as the Thirteen
Ways to Stifle Intimate Conversation (see
http://web.mit.edu/mbarker/www/writers/t018538.txt).  Most of us, when
we are being the rational sensitive kinds of people that we sometimes
strive to be, can pretty easily point to examples around us of problem
behaviors.  Naturally, such problems are ordinarily someone else's,
rarely anything that we might do (I call this the "a beam in my eye
never hides a mote in your bloody eye" phenomenon).

A long time ago, one way of helping to identify problem behavior was
summarized in the simple guideline "do unto others as you would have
them do unto you."

I usually try to apply this by imagining myself on the receiving end of
my own actions -- and then considering how I would feel about being
dealt with in that way.  Then, for a real stretch, I try to think about
being on the receiving end of my actions AS THAT OTHER PERSON...with
their background, their history, their fears and weaknesses.  Then I
think again about what it might feel like, why I might react as they do,
just what it is that makes them bleed and cry and hurt...

[I'll stop here.  I wish this was more coherent, but the main points
are simple - I am FOR all of us.  I am AGAINST certain kinds of
behavior.

I hope you enjoyed the coffee, and the talk.  I know I rattled on, as I
often do....but the sun is nice, and the company good.]

3.  Great Writing

{now sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of the golden fleas,
and of the dog who scratched them out,
here on the writers' list...}

[they ask for the ten commandments and you give them this?  look,
maybe you should think about a little Job, or some parables?  how
about something serious?]

<clippety snip>

Frankly, the verbal violence that erupts from time to time,
threatening and ostracizing individuals with little or no attempt at
understanding or recognition that difference is not a threat--this
worries me.  The "ride 'em out of town on a rail 'cause they're not
like us" mentality has never made much sense to me, and the mob
thinking that goes with it frightens me in its rapid shedding of the
little veneer of civilization that often seems to be all that stands
between us and historic excesses and abuses.  I can't say that it is
abuse, although the "assumed stance" of having the LIST (that nebulous
silent majority?)  backing individual brutality and attacks seems far
too close to abuse for comfort.

[thou shalt not spam.  thou shalt not stalk.  thou shalt not roust your
neighbor, lest thee be rousted in thine own time.  well, not good,
but...you got seven more?]

I struggled with some other possibilities, close shaves, and shakeups
the list has gone through.  Some seemed like abuse, some merely
unfortunate, and who was I to figure out this mess?

Then I realized that I really don't need to worry.

{the mate was a mighty scribbler,
the captain told tall tales,
and the list was headed into the storm,
when our Jason scratched his thighs...}

Last night, Peter, Paul and Mary (on one of the PBS stations) sang
about lighting one candle.

I realized that all we need is one candle.  Not a box of don't's, just a
light shining in the darkness, showing us ways that we can grow.

(-:It was our last, best hope for peace...  A shining beacon in space,
all alone in the night... It was the dawn of the Third Age of
Mankind...the year the Great War came upon us all...:-)

We've got lots of folks ready to light that candle.

And if all else fails--I'll be in my sandbox, with a candle.  You'll
recognize me, 'cause I'll be hunched over it, protecting that flame,
waving at passing children with a smile, and humming.

"Deep in my heart,
I do believe,
that we
shall
overcome
some day..."

{the whether started getting mixed,
and I forgot the tune,
but you'll never be completely adrift
here on tink's crazy list...}

So, let me suggest that as long as people are trying--whether they can
only write something short or whether they are great cornucopia of words
bringing forth weighty volumes--as long as someone is trying to do
something on this list, damn the flames, full writing ahead!

write unto others as you would have them...well, you know how that
comes out.

{so sit right back and write a tale,
a tale of a fateful trip,
that started with an exercise,
here on this very list...!}

anyway, instead of whipping ourselves into a frenzy about abuse, let's
work on that great writing.

[and the world will be better for this,
that one human, scorned and tattered and torn,
still wrote with his last drop of blood...
still clicked at a keyboard with dreams...
still strove to reach the unreachable staaaaars!

hum.  not quite there yet...but I'm going to keep trying!]

4.  A Tale That Wags The Dog?

[a quick, poor attempt, but my own words...]

In the fields of cyberspace, near the hills piled higher and deeper on
the shore of the Charles in Cambridge, Massachusetts, grows a tree.

It was transplanted to this site only a few years ago, from the heart
of North Dakota, and it has been a struggle to keep it growing.  It
has been ravaged, burned, twisted and torn.  The trunk has come close,
far too close, to splintering or shattering in the lightning storms
that sweep across the depths of cyberspace.

But now, in this season, one lone figure approaches.  It reaches out a
trembling hand and puts something on the tree.  Then, quietly,
quickly, with many a backward glance and muffled sob, it runs and
hides.  Is there a glint of eyes from that hidden burrow, watching to
see if anyone notices?  Maybe, perhaps, just maybe.

In wonder and intrigue, I look at what they put on the tree and see...

a poem!  words.  they may not be the best, they may have a catch here
and a a cough there, perhaps even a thought that isn't quite ready for
the cold public glare, but

a poem!  with what shiny reflection of that figure captured on a
twist, and a bit of sweat (oh, my, is that a drop of blood?  no, it
must not be, just some brown crust) all wrapped in the words that they
have offered.

an ornament too fine, and yet it graces the tree.

And in that hush, slowly, others come.  they hang their words out for
all to see, they offer their knowledge to broaden and help each other,
they push each other to grow and stretch and SING!!!

And that tree, blackened, hurting, marked for removal--with ornaments
strung from every branch, with words and popcorn strings enwrapped,
with candles shimmering--it glows brightly, surrounded by those who
have made it great and will continue to meet here.

And the sound of singing was loud and merry, and the glint of eyes
filled to overflowing with joy was a blessing to all.

and there were *hugs* for everyone!

tink