Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 22:40:45 EDT From: Mike Barker Subject: FILLER: A Plea For WRITERS [tell, don't show? that's ridicu...oh, you're in a hurry? you'll probably regret it!] I've been trying to figure out some witty way of doing this, but I think I'm going to have to just go ahead and do it. First, Ocky, let me apologize for a late night hasty message that I sent a while ago. I know better than to send a first draft, but sometimes I forget. There were implications there which I should not have left in, and I apologize for sending that piece. Second, to those who have been trying to "defend" the list, trying to get everyone to shape up or ship out, and so on--thank you. But the list really doesn't need to be defended. Remember, the list is all the people, not just the ones who have been around, not just the ones who are easy to agree with and understand, but all the people who participate. Third, I'd like to welcome everyone here. This is WRITERS. It's been running for quite a while, and I think it's going to be running for a long time to come. It doesn't have a leader--it has over a thousand! That's right, I expect everyone who is a member to be a leader. It isn't a place for elites, for somehow being better than others, for having some magic that marks us as better than them. It is, however, a place for growing in many directions. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, it isn't a place for fighting or taking stands and running off those who disagree. It is a place for learning how to communicate, how to reach out and touch hearts and minds, how to build bridges across the ruptures and fractures of disagreement and antagonism. Next, everyone, let me ask for some help. Keeping this list going really requires everyone to "play along." It's pretty easy to post things that poke someone in the eyes, kick someone else in the stomach, and otherwise grate on the nerves of participants. We're all unfortunately too familiar with implied nastiness, namecalling, attacks, threats, cutesification, and other ways of attempting to assert control over the other. Unfortunately, when used in this kind of forum, these methods often run into a fundamental flaw--they assume that if the other person is routed, one wins automatically! After all, if one side loses, the other wins, right? Wrong. In this kind of voluntary group, there are more than two sides, and the "winners" are those who make EVERYONE win. I think it is terribly important to step back and realize that exchanges here are NOT debates, arguments, or something simple like that. There is no "leader" to pick the "winner." There are no points, no cheering crowds, no laurel wreath for the brow. [on the bloody morning after...] Sometimes you may have the pleasure of having someone say "AH! I understand what you are trying to say." But that is a much more subtle reward, when you both win, and usually can be found most easily through questions, through mutual learning, through humility... And really, that's what I want to point toward. This is a place for growth, where each of us needs to "find and inhabit the deepest and surest human space that your capabilities permit." We each need to be a truth teller. We each must honor our own and others integrity, even when it hurts. We have to find a place for compassion at the table, and fill it to overflowing. We have to be able to draw lines in the shared sand without cruelty. Each of us needs to expand and explicate the context of our conversation. We need to innovate, not deprecate. We should know what we do know and be willing to admit what we don't know! Finally, it's important to know when to stay with the exchange--and when to let up, to step back and give your collaborators some breathing space and time. What I'm asking for may sound simple. But it will take the best you can give it. Before you post, think about what you are doing. Sure, that offhand remark about the stupidity of sci-fi may not seem serious to you--but what about someone who loves science fiction? How much does it cost? Slamming people, intentionally or by implication, isn't what this list is about. Showing other people the respect and honor that they deserve. Not telling them what's wrong with them, but showing them a better way. Including people, even when they aren't "the boy or girl next door". Being able to see the world through "those people's" eyes, to feel what "people like that" are going through and be touched by it. That's what it is all about. I look forward to reading your comments. And I'm sorry if this is just too blunt, too simplistic, too hard to understand. But I sure felt as if I needed to say something, and this was the best way I could think of to say it. tink Received: from PACIFIC-CARRIER-ANNEX.MIT.EDU by po8.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA26314; Thu, 15 May 97 23:01:32 EDT Received: from MITVMA.MIT.EDU by MIT.EDU with SMTP id AB18623; Thu, 15 May 97 22:00:47 EST Received: from MITVMA.MIT.EDU by mitvma.mit.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R3) with BSMTP id 1651; Thu, 15 May 97 23:02:35 EDT Received: from MITVMA.MIT.EDU (NJE origin LISTSERV@MITVMA) by MITVMA.MIT.EDU (LMail V1.2b/1.8b) with BSMTP id 7898; Thu, 15 May 1997 23:02:25 -0400 Received: from MITVMA.MIT.EDU by MITVMA.MIT.EDU (LISTSERV release 1.8c) with NJE id 7521 for WRITERS@MITVMA.MIT.EDU; Thu, 15 May 1997 23:02:20 -0400 Received: from MITVMA (NJE origin SMTP@MITVMA) by MITVMA.MIT.EDU (LMail V1.2b/1.8b) with BSMTP id 7834; Thu, 15 May 1997 23:01:20 -0400 Received: from MIT.EDU by mitvma.mit.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R3) with TCP; Thu, 15 May 97 23:01:18 EDT Received: from MEGARA.MIT.EDU by MIT.EDU with SMTP id AA16151; Thu, 15 May 97 21:40:05 EST Received: by megara.MIT.EDU (940816.SGI.8.6.9/4.7) id WAA04684; Thu, 15 May 1997 22:40:45 -0400 Message-Id: <199705160240.WAA04684@megara.MIT.EDU> Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 22:40:45 EDT Reply-To: Mike Barker Sender: WRITERS From: Mike Barker Subject: FILLER: A Plea For WRITERS To: WRITERS@mitvma.mit.edu [tell, don't show? that's ridicu...oh, you're in a hurry? you'll probably regret it!] I've been trying to figure out some witty way of doing this, but I think I'm going to have to just go ahead and do it. First, Ocky, let me apologize for a late night hasty message that I sent a while ago. I know better than to send a first draft, but sometimes I forget. There were implications there which I should not have left in, and I apologize for sending that piece. Second, to those who have been trying to "defend" the list, trying to get everyone to shape up or ship out, and so on--thank you. But the list really doesn't need to be defended. Remember, the list is all the people, not just the ones who have been around, not just the ones who are easy to agree with and understand, but all the people who participate. Third, I'd like to welcome everyone here. This is WRITERS. It's been running for quite a while, and I think it's going to be running for a long time to come. It doesn't have a leader--it has over a thousand! That's right, I expect everyone who is a member to be a leader. It isn't a place for elites, for somehow being better than others, for having some magic that marks us as better than them. It is, however, a place for growing in many directions. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, it isn't a place for fighting or taking stands and running off those who disagree. It is a place for learning how to communicate, how to reach out and touch hearts and minds, how to build bridges across the ruptures and fractures of disagreement and antagonism. Next, everyone, let me ask for some help. Keeping this list going really requires everyone to "play along." It's pretty easy to post things that poke someone in the eyes, kick someone else in the stomach, and otherwise grate on the nerves of participants. We're all unfortunately too familiar with implied nastiness, namecalling, attacks, threats, cutesification, and other ways of attempting to assert control over the other. Unfortunately, when used in this kind of forum, these methods often run into a fundamental flaw--they assume that if the other person is routed, one wins automatically! After all, if one side loses, the other wins, right? Wrong. In this kind of voluntary group, there are more than two sides, and the "winners" are those who make EVERYONE win. I think it is terribly important to step back and realize that exchanges here are NOT debates, arguments, or something simple like that. There is no "leader" to pick the "winner." There are no points, no cheering crowds, no laurel wreath for the brow. [on the bloody morning after...] Sometimes you may have the pleasure of having someone say "AH! I understand what you are trying to say." But that is a much more subtle reward, when you both win, and usually can be found most easily through questions, through mutual learning, through humility... And really, that's what I want to point toward. This is a place for growth, where each of us needs to "find and inhabit the deepest and surest human space that your capabilities permit." We each need to be a truth teller. We each must honor our own and others integrity, even when it hurts. We have to find a place for compassion at the table, and fill it to overflowing. We have to be able to draw lines in the shared sand without cruelty. Each of us needs to expand and explicate the context of our conversation. We need to innovate, not deprecate. We should know what we do know and be willing to admit what we don't know! Finally, it's important to know when to stay with the exchange--and when to let up, to step back and give your collaborators some breathing space and time. What I'm asking for may sound simple. But it will take the best you can give it. Before you post, think about what you are doing. Sure, that offhand remark about the stupidity of sci-fi may not seem serious to you--but what about someone who loves science fiction? How much does it cost? Slamming people, intentionally or by implication, isn't what this list is about. Showing other people the respect and honor that they deserve. Not telling them what's wrong with them, but showing them a better way. Including people, even when they aren't "the boy or girl next door". Being able to see the world through "those people's" eyes, to feel what "people like that" are going through and be touched by it. That's what it is all about. I look forward to reading your comments. And I'm sorry if this is just too blunt, too simplistic, too hard to understand. But I sure felt as if I needed to say something, and this was the best way I could think of to say it. tink