Ventura is in surgery, having Ken’s miracle invention implanted in him. The doctor comes out and approaches Ken. Ken is holding a box of Special K and an orange.

Ken (asking the doctor): How is he, Doctor?

Doctor: The operation was a success. Your invention is making his heart sing like a Muzak lover at a John Tesh concert.

Ken: “That’s great.”

Door opens, Ventura starts walking out. He is wearing a Minnesota Twins T-shirt that showcases his prominent gut.

Doctor: “Well, here he is.”

Doctor leaves, Ventura walks over to Ken and sits down.

Ken: “Well, thank you, Governor Ventura, for letting me visit you today. I’m glad that my work in the biomedical field saved your life.”

Ventura: “Sure thing, Mr., uh...

Ken: “Ken Patera.”

Ventura: “I’m always happy to have a photo-op to get me on TV.”

Ken: “Oh, one last thing, Governor Ventura: can I have your autograph on this cereal box?”

Jesse Ventura: “Sure, 50 bucks.”

Ken: “But it’s Christmas, can’t you show a little Christmas spirit?”

Ventura: “Bah, Humvee.”

Ken: “Can’t I please have your autograph? I spent all my savings on this box of cereal to feed me and my wife Annie for the next week. You see, I’m a grad student at MIT-“

Ventura: “Minnesota Institute of Technology?”

Ken: “No, I already told you about ten times - I’m at the real MIT, in Massachusetts.”

Ventura: “Well don’t that beat all, there’s an MIT in Massachusetts too. I always thought it was the one we got here on the shores of the…Mississippi River.”

Ken: “Oh, did you attend it?”

Ventura: “No, I went to the WWFU.”

Ken: “Oh, Wake Forest University!”

Ventura: “No, not WFU, WWFU. The World Wrestling Federation University.”

Ken: “Oh, and what did you major in?”

Ventura: “Major in? Nothing. I left after a year and joined the Navy SEALS and we swam in…shark-infested waters. I was also in a couple Arnold Schwarzeneggar movies too.”

Ken: “Oh yeah, those were neat, but I wish they wouldn’t have killed you off so quickly in them. But back to my question, this cereal is a delicacy for my wife and me, since it’s such a nourishing, lightly toasted rice concoction, so it’s my Christmas present to her, and it took all of my meager graduate stipend to buy it. So I can’t afford the 50 dollars for your autograph. And it would please her so to get an autograph from you! You see, my wife’s from Minnesota.”

Ventura: “Oh she is, eh? Well then, I think I can give ya another propasishin. You send your wife-uh, what’s her name again?”

Ken: “Annie.”

Ventura: “Okay, you send this Annie over to my place tomorrow and I’ll give her a private screening of “Predator” on my home entertainment system. Then afterwards I can tell Annie stories about swimmin’ in…shark infested waters, when I was a…Frogman with the SEALs.”

Ken: “I’m sorry, Governor, but my wife Annie is mine and mine only. I love her far too much to allow her to be tormented by your pitiful acting skills.”

Ventura: “Well, buddy, you just lost yourself an autogr-…Wait a minute. Lemme see that box…Why, this ain’t no General Mills cereal. This is made by that Clark Kellogg guy. And see, it ain’t made in Minneapolis – it’s made in…Butt Crack, Michigan! Is that some kinda sick joke?”

Ken: “It’s Battle Creek, Michigan.”

Ventura: “It don’t matter, you’re supportin’ the economy of Michigan, a state that we’re at war with, and then you ask for a free autograph?”

Ken: “But Governor, we’re not at war with any of the States?”

Ventura: “Yeah we are. I remember President Bush sayin’ we was fighting in Michigan.”

Ken: “No, you mean Afghanistan.”

Ventura: “Whaddaya mean? Same thing.”

Ken: “Well, it’s not important. Could you please give me your autograph? Sign the Special K box?”

Ventura: “Like I said, 50 bucks. You know, if I was to give you a free autograph then there’d be millions of other people comin’ up to me on the street askin’ me for a free autograph. Like that guy there-”Points to someone in the audience. “-he’s already thinkin’ about askin’ me. And there’ll be millions more like him.”

Ken: “But I did save your life. And besides, this is the only public appearance you’ve made in the last two months. You spend all your time hiding out on your farm.”

Ventura: “Hey, if you were a target of terrorists you’d be hidin’ out too.”

Ken: “But why would they target you? Oh, I see, because they’ve watched all your movies so they think you’re an easy target because you always get killed so quickly. But with your endless diet of Big Macs, Meat Lovers Pizza, and Ben & Jerry’s, your cholesterol will get you before any terrorists will.”

Ventura(standing up, waving his arms): “All right, that’s it. This photo-op is over. I’m headin’ back to my farm. A Navy SEAL don’t have to listen to this farci-…farca-…uh, stuff.”

Ken: “But what about that autograph? It won’t hurt anything.”

Ventura: “No.”

Ken: “Okay, but if you don’t give me the autograph I’m going to forge your signature and then I’ll go around telling everyone that you signed my box for free, and that you welcomed people of all ages to come to your farm and you’d sign anything they wanted for free. But if you sign the box right now I’ll never tell a soul that you did it for free.”

Ventura: “Rrrrr! Ah, gimme a pen. What have you ever done to deserve this free autograph?”

Ken: “My invention saved your life.”

Ventura: “Big deal. All it takes to kickstart my heart is a Zeppelin CD and reruns of ‘Starsky and Hutch’.”

Ventura takes a pen and marks the box with an X. Then he hands the box back to Ken. Ken turns the box so the audience can see the X.

Ken: “Wow, a real Christmas miracle. Not only a box of Special K for Christmas, to share with my beloved Annie, but also Jesse Ventura’s signature on the front. Wow, God has really blessed me this year. But even if I didn’t have all these things, I’m still thankful God, that you cared enough for people like me and Governor Ventura to send your Son to live among us. And I will always be grateful that in addition to that first Christmas miracle, (holding the box to the ceiling) you’ve given me this one too. God Bless Us, Every One! And you know what, I’ll bet if I offer Governor Ventura a chance to share our Christmas meal together, his heart will be softened and he’ll agree.” Walks over to Ventura. “Governor Ventura, how would you like to share our Special K Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve?”

Ventura: “Sure, 50 bucks.”

Ken (walking away and looking up): “Oh well, at least I’ve still got Annie.”

Ken stops.

Ken: “Wait, something about the ending wasn’t right…but what was missing? Hmmmm, oh yes! We forgot to kill off Jesse Ventura, since that’s what happens to him in all of his movies.” Ken turns to Jesse. “Governor Ventura, you forgot to die.”

Ventura: “Oh, I knew we forgot somethin’.” Ventura starts convulsing and begins his march toward death.

Ken: “Wait a minute, we can do it with a little more style than that. Here, take this orange.”

Ventura: “Okay, thanks.” Ventura goes back to convulsing. “Life…is just too…stinkin’ short…Rosebud.” More convulsions, then he drops the orange and knocks his chair over, signaling his death.

Ken: “Perfect.” Ken walks off.