The Alien, The Meteor, and You Summary: An alien from Neptune is sent to earth to warn the earthlings about an impending meteor collision. The earthlings will be safe if they know of the danger and carry out simple instructions. However, the alien must communicate this information to the earthlings while contending with the cultural differences between Neptunian and Earthling culture. SCENE 1 Mike: (talking on communication unit) "Spaceship Ryxi 5, are you there? This is Zizzer Jax on the earth planet. Come in captain Claypole from Spaceship Ryxi 5..." Captian (in spaceship): "I'm here Zizzer Jax. THis is Captain Claypole from Ryxi 5. What are your coordinates?" MIke: "I have just landed on this small planet called earth. Captain: State your mission Zizzer Jax. Mike: My mission is as follows: I intend to warn the earthlings about the meteor which is about to collide with their planet. To accomplish this goal, I will attempt to communicate with the earthlings and explain to them the dangers of the meteor, and the simple steps to avoid this danger. It is therefore essential to understand earthling culture and communication techniques. With my outstanding Neptunian education and intelligence, and my infallible linguistical expertise, I am certain that I will have no troubles communicating with the humans. Captain: "Excellent Zizzer Jax. What steps have you taken already?" Mike: I am currently assuming the form of a typical human being. My new name is "Mike." I have also mastered the earth language by watching repeated episodes of Gilligan's Island. I shall now observe the humans as they walk about in this park, and shall then attempt communication. Captain: "Excellent Zizzer Jax...I mean Mike. Please report all progress, and let me know if you run into any problems or need any help..." MIke: "I won't be needing any help...with my expert abilities this mission will be a sinch." Captain: "Okay MIke. Just remember that you have to treat new cultures carefully and make sure you understand them in order to communicate effectively..." MIke: "I understand, Captain. Over and out." (End communication) Mike: I'll stand right here and observe the humans as they interact with each other in this park... SCENE 2 A mother is walking her child (in a stroller) in the park. Mother (Christy): "There there baby. Don't you like walking in the nice sunny park? Here have some more of this banana juice... Jane, also walking in the park, passes by the stroller and looks in the stroller at the baby. Jane (excessively doting on this new child she sees): "Why HELLL-OOOO there! My, what a little cutie-pie you are! Yes you are! Yes you are. YEEE-EEESS. What a wittle wittle cuddly cue! What a wittle WITTLE cuddle poo! A gaa gaa gaa gaa goo, gaa gaa gaa gooo...." Jane pinches baby's cheeks one last time, then says, "Bye Bye Cuddle Buns!" Jane exits left, mother and stroller exit right. SCENE 3 Mike: "Mike to Ryxi 5. The method of human interaction appears to be rather unusual. I have just witnessed what is undoubtedly a traditional greeting among strangers. The ritual is rather complex, but I shall attempt to carry it out with the next person I see. Over." A stranger (Simon) walks by Mike: "WHy HEEL-OOOOO! Hey there cutey pie!" Simon: "Weirdo!" (walks away) Another stranger walks by Mike: "HELOOOOO!! Aren't you a wittle WITTLE GAGA GOO!! A GAA GAA GOO!" Stranger walks away Mike: "Bye bye snuggle buns!" (Stranger walks faster away). Mike: "Come in Ryxi 5. My attempts at communication were unsuccsesful. It is clear that I must communicate the news to the earthlings using the direct approach. over." Captain: But wait... SImon walks by again MIke: "A GIANT METEOR IS COMING...YOU ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!" Simon: "wierdo!" (walks away). SCENE 4: Mike: "COme in Ryxi 5. My attempts at warning the humans are not working!" Captain: "Wait, I'll join you" (Captain comes to earth) Captain: "So Mike, how exactly are you trying to communicate? MIke: "Well, I observed human interaction with that particularly small human in the carriage over there. Captain: "I see...I think I may know your problem. How do the other humans treat the small one? Mike: "Well, they feed it, clothe it, wash it, and basically take care of it's every need... Captain: "And doesn't this tell you something about the small human?..." MIke: "THat's it!! It must be their leader!" Mike rushes over to the child and begins to talk to it about the meteor. Captain: No no MIke! It means... (meanwhile, Christy walks away--perturbed by my talking to her baby) ...It means that this is one of the human babies...it is too young to understand much more than banana juice yet...you have to observe adult humans to understand how they communicate! Mike: OH, okay, I'll try it! SCENE 5 two humans walk in park human 1: "Excuse me, do you know what time it is?": human 2: "Why yes, it is 6:30." human 1: "Thank you very much!" Mike: "Aha!! I think I see how to approach it now! I'll try it... Mike walks over to human 1: Mike:"Excuse me, do you know what time it is? Human 1: Yes, it is 6:30 MIke: "Thank you. My, what a nice nite it is" Human 1: Yes, it is. Mike: My what a nice sky it is (human and Mike look at the sky) Mike: Excuse me, do you notice that meteor there in the sky. Human: Oh wow. THat looks really big. It is probably going to hit the earth. MIke: Actually, it is. Let me introduce myself. I am an alien from another planet. I am here to warn you of your impending doom. Human: Hi, I'm Jane. MIke: Hi Jane. Look, in order for you to be safe from the meteor, you just have to follow the instructions in this book. Human (Jane): Wait a minute, how do I know what you are saying is true? Mike: Because I am an alien and have special knowledge of the upcoming astronomical events. Jane: But how do I know you are an alien? You look just like a regular person! Mike: I know, I'll prove it: check out my super strength! (Mike begins flexing like Hans and Frans, and air-pumping invisible barbells). Jane: But you are just lifting air! Mike: Oh, well, okay, you are right. BUt can an ordinary human do this? (Mike begins to dance aimlessly in an effort to demonstrate his non-human abilities. Jane is nonplussed.) Mike: Aren't you impressed with my super-human timing and rhythm? Jane: Um, ...not really, no. Mike: Okay, look. You are right, I can't technically _prove_ to you that I am an alien. I really am one though. Jane: Hmm... Mike: I know that I may look human, but I do have an alien spirit inside of me. The spirit is not from this world. You are just going to have to trust me on this. Anyway, I did know about that meteor, and I know that in order for you to be safe, you need to know the information that is in this book. Here, you can have it for yourself. Jane: THanks. For some reason, I think you are telling the truth. I'll take the book and read it. Mike: Great! Jane: You should warn others too by telling these instructions to everyone. Come, we can broadcast it on the evening news! MIke: Let's go! (Jane and Mike walk away, talking ) Jane: So where are you from? Mike: I'm from Neptune. Jane: Oh really? I'm from Virginia... ending stuff END ******** By: Mike Neely