SPAM Haiku 3001-3100

Move backwards to Numbers 2901-3000.

3001.
Xanadu: Stately
Home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost?
Fifty cans of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

3002.
Sure, it's pink and square,
And it tastes like rhino crap,
But it's pretty cheap.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

3003.
spam is on my mind
it torments me in my sleep
time for counseling

--Anonymous

3004.
M. Booda's Earth Sow
Gorges brain offal. Farewell.
Muse blood sacrifice.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3005.
Like Coleridge my
SPAMadu dissipated
upon awaking.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3006.
The Cheshire Cat smiled
because he knew Alice ate
SPAM before napping.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3007.
Ed McMahon's face
appears on SPAM: You may have
won ten million cans!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3008.
Whitewater is just
lukewarm compared to Bill's yet
unknown SPAMgate scam.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3009.
To sleep, perchance to
dream. To wake, perchance to find
the SPAM was a dream.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3010.
With the escargot
appetizer I could not
face my SPAMcargot.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3011.
pink rectangle glis-
tens in the sun let me eat
you the end is near

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3012.
turn the shiny ring
squeeze the blue sides spam rises
rome will never fall

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3013.
hatred curdles pink
and quivering help me be-
fore I spam again

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3014.
jiggle wiggle slick
moist slime enduring textured
heat what smell is spam?

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3015.
don't out your eye kid
spam is a two-edged sword gad-
zooks robins do fly

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3016.
pink pebble textured
blunt rectangle 3-D good-
ness melts in your hand

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3017.
pink trauma'd eyes blunt
slimed mouth stomach unmercied
death is color spam

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3018.
rolling spam blunt mur-
der pink trauma new cherry
blossoms protect sky

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3019.
lead in the belly
slime on the face spam disap-
pears leaving a taste

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3020.
Unabomber, Goetz,
and other assorted nuts.
The common thread? SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3021.
On cold New England
nights, gathered around the fire,
all crave SPAM chowder.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3022.
Cut it into cubes
and use them instead of ice.
SPAM tea, summer treat.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3023.
Hormel workers strike
for no apparent reason
but still can't get fired.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3024.
A new SPAM Sweepstakes!
Ten million bucks to winner!
Fair price to eat SPAM!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3025.
Grandchildren ask me,
What did you do when young, Gramps?
"Wrote poems about SPAM!"

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3026.
On my bed of death,
reviewing worth of my life.....
Wrote many SPAMku!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3027.
I have eaten SPAM
and yet I live and I breathe.
A Dead Man Walking!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3028.
SPAM-A-RAMA Aus-
tin Texas April 13
1996 SPLAT!

--john.foster@camel.com

3029.
SPAM slimy pillow
Cherry blossom scented sky
Price paid for my loves

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3030.
Ham I am, said Spam
Also lamb, clam, pinkish jam
Damp, crammed in a can

--Craig Courtney, craig.courtney@eng.sun.com

3031.
Rosy ectoplasm
That's right out of the Bible
Prodigal son's friends

--franktik@oregoncoast.com

3032.
SPAM on a picnic
Not even the flies come near
Pigs in a blanket?

--Derek Janssen, derek_janssen@trimble.com

3033.
New AIDS prevention:
Eat SPAM first and nobody
will let you touch them.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3034.
Now "blue tongue" disease
tops the list. What will be next?
Pig parts plague perhaps?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3035.
Recent upturn in
UFO sightings now linked
to increased SPAM use.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3036.
Prevent alien
abduction by sleeping with
thick slices of SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3037.
Give the IRS
workers a thrill by stapling
SPAM to your return.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3038.
East-West collision.
First, SPAM haiku. Coming next,
Treet origami.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3039.
Deep-thinking Nietzsche
goes mad after writing of
"SPAM and Super-SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3040.
Babe banned in China.
No SPAM in Mao's old land: "The
East is red, not pink."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3041.
Alexander Pope's
warning: "A little SPAM is
a dangerous thing."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3042.
Pat Henry: "Give me
pork or give me death." Heckler:
"Try SPAM. You'll get both."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3043.
A SPAM a day keeps
the doctor away (but brings
the coroner near).

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3044.
Hormel's new award:
the SPAMmy. The first winner
is: Snoop Hoggy Hogg.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3045.
Hormel tried to reach
Hispanic viewers, sponsored
Chico and the SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3046.
Was SPAMlet really
written by Shakespeare? No, by
Sir Francis Bacon.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3047.
Don't serve SPAM at a
Bar mitzvah. Boy, did I find
That out the hard way!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3048.
From Stettin on the
Baltic, to Trieste on the
Adriatic: SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3049.
Dear Hormel people:
I'll blow up your factory!
--Teddy Kaczynski

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3050.
"George, tell me about
The rabbits." "Sure, Lenny. They
Were made into SPAM."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3051.
At a Korean
Restaurant, be sure they serve
Real dog, and not SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3052.
Moses said, "Behold
The power of the Lord! He
Turns pigs into cubes!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3053.
Other people are
Working to cure diseases.
I write SPAM haiku.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3054.
Dog Day Afternoon:
Sonny orders SPAM takeout.
The cops laugh at him.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3055.
To Wong Foo: Thanks For
All The SPAM, Julie Newmar.
It gets two thumbs down.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3056.
"Barney, do you want
To steal my Spammy Pebbles?"
"Yes, Fred." "Here, take 'em."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3057.
Sheik comes out with a
New Spamskin condom. Turns out
It's edible. Yuk!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3058.
Mentos commercial:
Guy holds up SPAM can and grins.
Strangers beat him up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3059.
There was me: that is,
Alex, and my three droogs: that
Is, Pete, George, and SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3060.
SPAM is better left
to those who can stomach its
putrid stinking flesh

--Charles Sikora, crsikora@prairienet.org

3061.
Crusty, fetid, SPAM
teeming with hungry maggots
What's the difference?

--Charles Sikora, crsikora@prairienet.org

3062.
Dr. Frankenstein
used SPAM for brains and made the
first politician.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3063.
A newspaper reads:
"SPAM Haiku page is quite cool."
Can we stand the heat?

--Rebermuse@aol.com

3064.
Mix some SPAM and TREET
A doubly revolting mess
Name it TRAM or SPEET

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3065.
So many SPAMku:
Unconscious plagiarism
Becomes a real risk.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3066.
Haven't done taxes
"SPAMku," I tell IRS
Federal prison

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3067.
Here at ground zero
all is instantly destroyed;
only SPAM remains.

--Anonymous

3068.
SPAM in the body
Just one way to stop the pain
Death with dignity

--Anonymous

3069.
Feet, brains, tail, and snout;
the meat grinder acts as the
great equalizer.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3070.
Hormel sues Cho for
"damaging reputation."
Judge dismisses case.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3071.
Denial of Death.
Major spiritual problem.
Solved by sight of SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3072.
There is lau lau pork
And lumi lumi salmon;
Why is SPAM still here?

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3073.
While some go makai,
Other ones go mauka.
But all search for SPAM.

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3074.
Mainlanders visit
Islands. Is this paradise?
Native, what costs SPAM?

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3075.
Just read one thousand
SPAMku for Poll nominees.
Cho gets my shrink bill.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3076.
I am having a
SPAM SPASM, which eats at me,
And oozes also.

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3077.
Oh, cheesy SPAM, you,
you light up my life and tongue.
Glow-In-The-Dark-SPAM!

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3078.
"These gladiators
Are thin. Bulk them up with SPAM."
Spartacus rebels.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3079.
"Antoninus, do
you prefer SPAM, or oysters?"
(Romans ate their slaves.)

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3080.
"I am Spartacus!"
"The real one liked SPAM. Feed them."
Crowd falls silent fast.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3081.
If SHAM got SPAMku
From Ogden Nash, would he cut
It to fit seventeen syllables, or just leave it as it is, without editting it?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3082.
Students at Foothill
Ranch School send in their SPAMku.
Cho corrupts our youth.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3083.
Mrs. Martin says,
"Class, think of SPAM." What have we
Done to the children?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3084.
Oh well, better that
Students do SPAMku than drugs.
But only slightly.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3085.
"Oh, that this too, too
Solid Meat By-Product would
Melt." More from SPAMlet.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3086.
"Denn alles Fleisch ist
Wie Gras." Brahms, after Peter.
Sounds like you-know-what.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3087.
The SPAM in Siam
Is served with clams and toe-jam.
I think I've got it.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3088.
Sometimes I feel like
SPAM is my mother. Say what?
Increase my dosage?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3089.
Bring back the Fifties!
Sonic adds SPAM to menu.
It's bankruptcy time.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3090.
Big John Wayne ate SPAM
and look what it did for him.
Big John Wayne, deceased.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3091.
Bulimics love it:
Easy down, easy up, and
a nice storage can.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3092.
Newly discovered
Mapplethorpe shows SPAM in a
compromising pose.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3093.
Auggh!! What have I done?
Ogden's SPAMku broke John Cho!
Quick, SHAM, sniff this loaf.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3094.
Fishel posts from Va.
I'm A&S seven-eight.
SPAMku: Wahoos RULE!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3095.
A journey of one
Thousand SPAMku begins with
Only one Prozac.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3096.
Number 9 SPAM car
Seen last week at Darlington...
Running last, of course.

--Larry Kunz

3097.
Apollo 13--
Houston, we've got a problem:
Moon's made of green SPAM!

--Larry Kunz

3098.
Bob Dole the doleful:
Why doesn't he ever smile?
Liddy feeds him SPAM.

--Larry Kunz

3099.
Did we really write
Three thousand stupid haiku?
We oughta be shot!

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM

3100.
All these intellects
that might have squared the circle
just write SPAM haiku!

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM