SPAM Haiku 3001-3100

Move backwards to Numbers 2901-3000.


3001.
Xanadu: Stately
Home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost?
Fifty cans of SPAM.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

3002.
Sure, it's pink and square,
And it tastes like rhino crap,
But it's pretty cheap.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

3003.
spam is on my mind
it torments me in my sleep
time for counseling

--Anonymous

3004.
M. Booda's Earth Sow
Gorges brain offal. Farewell.
Muse blood sacrifice.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3005.
Like Coleridge my
SPAMadu dissipated
upon awaking.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3006.
The Cheshire Cat smiled
because he knew Alice ate
SPAM before napping.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3007.
Ed McMahon's face
appears on SPAM: You may have
won ten million cans!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3008.
Whitewater is just
lukewarm compared to Bill's yet
unknown SPAMgate scam.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3009.
To sleep, perchance to
dream. To wake, perchance to find
the SPAM was a dream.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3010.
With the escargot
appetizer I could not
face my SPAMcargot.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3011.
pink rectangle glis-
tens in the sun let me eat
you the end is near

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3012.
turn the shiny ring
squeeze the blue sides spam rises
rome will never fall

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3013.
hatred curdles pink
and quivering help me be-
fore I spam again

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3014.
jiggle wiggle slick
moist slime enduring textured
heat what smell is spam?

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3015.
don't out your eye kid
spam is a two-edged sword gad-
zooks robins do fly

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3016.
pink pebble textured
blunt rectangle 3-D good-
ness melts in your hand

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3017.
pink trauma'd eyes blunt
slimed mouth stomach unmercied
death is color spam

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3018.
rolling spam blunt mur-
der pink trauma new cherry
blossoms protect sky

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3019.
lead in the belly
slime on the face spam disap-
pears leaving a taste

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3020.
Unabomber, Goetz,
and other assorted nuts.
The common thread? SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3021.
On cold New England
nights, gathered around the fire,
all crave SPAM chowder.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3022.
Cut it into cubes
and use them instead of ice.
SPAM tea, summer treat.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3023.
Hormel workers strike
for no apparent reason
but still can't get fired.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3024.
A new SPAM Sweepstakes!
Ten million bucks to winner!
Fair price to eat SPAM!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3025.
Grandchildren ask me,
What did you do when young, Gramps?
"Wrote poems about SPAM!"

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3026.
On my bed of death,
reviewing worth of my life.....
Wrote many SPAMku!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3027.
I have eaten SPAM
and yet I live and I breathe.
A Dead Man Walking!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3028.
SPAM-A-RAMA Aus-
tin Texas April 13
1996 SPLAT!

--john.foster@camel.com

3029.
SPAM slimy pillow
Cherry blossom scented sky
Price paid for my loves

--Colleen Collura, COLLURA@central.aiu.k12.pa.us

3030.
Ham I am, said Spam
Also lamb, clam, pinkish jam
Damp, crammed in a can

--Craig Courtney, craig.courtney@eng.sun.com

3031.
Rosy ectoplasm
That's right out of the Bible
Prodigal son's friends

--franktik@oregoncoast.com

3032.
SPAM on a picnic
Not even the flies come near
Pigs in a blanket?

--Derek Janssen, derek_janssen@trimble.com

3033.
New AIDS prevention:
Eat SPAM first and nobody
will let you touch them.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3034.
Now "blue tongue" disease
tops the list. What will be next?
Pig parts plague perhaps?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3035.
Recent upturn in
UFO sightings now linked
to increased SPAM use.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3036.
Prevent alien
abduction by sleeping with
thick slices of SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3037.
Give the IRS
workers a thrill by stapling
SPAM to your return.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3038.
East-West collision.
First, SPAM haiku. Coming next,
Treet origami.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3039.
Deep-thinking Nietzsche
goes mad after writing of
"SPAM and Super-SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3040.
Babe banned in China.
No SPAM in Mao's old land: "The
East is red, not pink."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3041.
Alexander Pope's
warning: "A little SPAM is
a dangerous thing."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3042.
Pat Henry: "Give me
pork or give me death." Heckler:
"Try SPAM. You'll get both."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3043.
A SPAM a day keeps
the doctor away (but brings
the coroner near).

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3044.
Hormel's new award:
the SPAMmy. The first winner
is: Snoop Hoggy Hogg.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3045.
Hormel tried to reach
Hispanic viewers, sponsored
Chico and the SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3046.
Was SPAMlet really
written by Shakespeare? No, by
Sir Francis Bacon.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3047.
Don't serve SPAM at a
Bar mitzvah. Boy, did I find
That out the hard way!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3048.
From Stettin on the
Baltic, to Trieste on the
Adriatic: SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3049.
Dear Hormel people:
I'll blow up your factory!
--Teddy Kaczynski

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3050.
"George, tell me about
The rabbits." "Sure, Lenny. They
Were made into SPAM."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3051.
At a Korean
Restaurant, be sure they serve
Real dog, and not SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3052.
Moses said, "Behold
The power of the Lord! He
Turns pigs into cubes!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3053.
Other people are
Working to cure diseases.
I write SPAM haiku.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3054.
Dog Day Afternoon:
Sonny orders SPAM takeout.
The cops laugh at him.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3055.
To Wong Foo: Thanks For
All The SPAM, Julie Newmar.

It gets two thumbs down.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3056.
"Barney, do you want
To steal my Spammy Pebbles?"
"Yes, Fred." "Here, take 'em."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3057.
Sheik comes out with a
New Spamskin condom. Turns out
It's edible. Yuk!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3058.
Mentos commercial:
Guy holds up SPAM can and grins.
Strangers beat him up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3059.
There was me: that is,
Alex, and my three droogs: that
Is, Pete, George, and SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3060.
SPAM is better left
to those who can stomach its
putrid stinking flesh

--Charles Sikora, crsikora@prairienet.org

3061.
Crusty, fetid, SPAM
teeming with hungry maggots
What's the difference?

--Charles Sikora, crsikora@prairienet.org

3062.
Dr. Frankenstein
used SPAM for brains and made the
first politician.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3063.
A newspaper reads:
"SPAM Haiku page is quite cool."
Can we stand the heat?

--Rebermuse@aol.com

3064.
Mix some SPAM and TREET
A doubly revolting mess
Name it TRAM or SPEET

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3065.
So many SPAMku:
Unconscious plagiarism
Becomes a real risk.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3066.
Haven't done taxes
"SPAMku," I tell IRS
Federal prison

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3067.
Here at ground zero
all is instantly destroyed;
only SPAM remains.

--Anonymous

3068.
SPAM in the body
Just one way to stop the pain
Death with dignity

--Anonymous

3069.
Feet, brains, tail, and snout;
the meat grinder acts as the
great equalizer.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3070.
Hormel sues Cho for
"damaging reputation."
Judge dismisses case.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3071.
Denial of Death.
Major spiritual problem.
Solved by sight of SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3072.
There is lau lau pork
And lumi lumi salmon;
Why is SPAM still here?

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3073.
While some go makai,
Other ones go mauka.
But all search for SPAM.

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3074.
Mainlanders visit
Islands. Is this paradise?
Native, what costs SPAM?

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3075.
Just read one thousand
SPAMku for Poll nominees.
Cho gets my shrink bill.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3076.
I am having a
SPAM SPASM, which eats at me,
And oozes also.

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3077.
Oh, cheesy SPAM, you,
you light up my life and tongue.
Glow-In-The-Dark-SPAM!

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3078.
"These gladiators
Are thin. Bulk them up with SPAM."
Spartacus rebels.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3079.
"Antoninus, do
you prefer SPAM, or oysters?"
(Romans ate their slaves.)

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3080.
"I am Spartacus!"
"The real one liked SPAM. Feed them."
Crowd falls silent fast.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3081.
If SHAM got SPAMku
From Ogden Nash, would he cut
It to fit seventeen syllables, or just leave it as it is, without editting it?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3082.
Students at Foothill
Ranch School send in their SPAMku.
Cho corrupts our youth.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3083.
Mrs. Martin says,
"Class, think of SPAM." What have we
Done to the children?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3084.
Oh well, better that
Students do SPAMku than drugs.
But only slightly.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3085.
"Oh, that this too, too
Solid Meat By-Product would
Melt." More from SPAMlet.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3086.
"Denn alles Fleisch ist
Wie Gras." Brahms, after Peter.
Sounds like you-know-what.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3087.
The SPAM in Siam
Is served with clams and toe-jam.
I think I've got it.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3088.
Sometimes I feel like
SPAM is my mother. Say what?
Increase my dosage?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3089.
Bring back the Fifties!
Sonic adds SPAM to menu.
It's bankruptcy time.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3090.
Big John Wayne ate SPAM
and look what it did for him.
Big John Wayne, deceased.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3091.
Bulimics love it:
Easy down, easy up, and
a nice storage can.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3092.
Newly discovered
Mapplethorpe shows SPAM in a
compromising pose.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3093.
Auggh!! What have I done?
Ogden's SPAMku broke John Cho!
Quick, SHAM, sniff this loaf.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3094.
Fishel posts from Va.
I'm A&S seven-eight.
SPAMku: Wahoos RULE!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3095.
A journey of one
Thousand SPAMku begins with
Only one Prozac.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3096.
Number 9 SPAM car
Seen last week at Darlington...
Running last, of course.

--Larry Kunz

3097.
Apollo 13--
Houston, we've got a problem:
Moon's made of green SPAM!

--Larry Kunz

3098.
Bob Dole the doleful:
Why doesn't he ever smile?
Liddy feeds him SPAM.

--Larry Kunz

3099.
Did we really write
Three thousand stupid haiku?
We oughta be shot!

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM

3100.
All these intellects
that might have squared the circle
just write SPAM haiku!

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM


Move forwards to Numbers 3101-3200.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.