SPAM Haiku 4001-4100

Move backwards to Numbers 3901-4000.

4001.
Anyone can be
number one, but number two?
That takes lots of class.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4002.
Henry Moore sculpture?
With SPAM, "Dinty Moore sculpture"
makes a bit more sense.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4003.
Hormel tech support:
"How do I open the can?"
"Pull the tab." "Okay."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4004.
Hormel tech support:
"But I have an old can." "Then
use the key." "Okay."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4005.
Hormel tech support:
"Ick! I can't abide this stuff!"
"No one can." "Okay."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4006.
In Chicago they
celebrate the victory
with big SPAM bonfires.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4007.
SPAM is considered
a delicacy in some
parts of...well...nowhere.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4008.
"Roger, I just can't
believe we're talking about
the same food," says Gene.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4009.
King Henry the Eighth
had his wives beheaded for
serving SPAM to him.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4010.
Hammurabi's Code
dictates that "Who serveth SPAM
loseth genitals."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4011.
Babylonians,
as you may have guessed, did not
think highly of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4012.
Eskimos eat bird
meat that's been fermented, yet
they will not eat SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4013.
"Sure," they say, "we eat
rotten bird meat and whale fat,
but SPAM? No, thank you."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4014.
Eyelids hang heavy
As father drones on and on
About SPAM's great taste.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4015.
Ant crawls on my SPAM.
Throw it away? How wasteful!
Here, sister...have mine.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4016.
After NBC's
Investigative report,
I won't touch the stuff.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4017.
Baby's first Christmas:
Hates the doll, the train, the duck--
Loves playing with SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4018.
My library card
Was revoked when I used SPAM
And not my bookmark.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4019.
I inserted SPAM
In the VCR. It played
A dull pink movie.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4020.
Olympic athletes
Eat it, due to rumors that
SPAM contains steroids

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4021.
SPAM in Atlanta
Suddenly in short supply,
Athletes look guilty

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4022.
Fearing SPAM abuse
Olympic officials plan
Random SPAM testing

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4023.
If athlete's urine
Shows up positive for SPAM
He is out of there

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4024.
Ejected athletes
Given their plane tickets home--
And a SPAM medal

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4025.
Disqualified, they
Can get no big endorsements,
Except for Hormel

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4026.
Africans eat grubs
Chinese relish monkey brains
And we love our SPAM!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4027.
SPAM farts from the can
Then three hours later, I fart.
Mute pigs speaking twice.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4028.
Arnold or Wilbur?
Babe or the 4-H winner?
Whose friend do I eat?

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4029.
The warden questions--
"Death by SPAM or firing squad?"
Bullets hit their mark.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4030.
SPAM and stomach flu
My floor becomes a canvas
In 10 shades of pink

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4031.
The French love their SPAM
Secret delight of great chefs
Just throw on a sauce

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4032.
Hang your head in shame,
You imitation of pig!
You BASTARD of pork!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4033.
Edible pigment
Pork-pink skidmarked underwear
SPAM's anal artwork

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4034.
He makes SPAM sculptures
Thinker, David, Pieta
His dog loves them so.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4035.
Pig lips meet my lips
Pig anus meets my anus
A meeting of meat

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4036.
Cooked SPAM hits the floor
She puts it back on the plate
"Improves the flavor"

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4037.
Hungry homeless man
Is offered my SPAM sandwich.
"Thanks but no thanks, man."

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4038.
You begin as SPAM
But my body transforms you
To diarrhea.

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4039.
I compose spamku
While eating a vegan meal
Life is very strange

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4040.
He was bad this year
Santa left the rich, fat boy
SPAM in his stocking

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4041.
He was good this year
Santa left the poor, thin boy
SPAM in his stocking

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4042.
Scavengers love it
Dumpster-strewn SPAM can innards
Taste like carrion

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4043.
Push the right button
And I'll give you this SPAM treat--
You stupid monkey!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4044.
What birthed this strange meat?
A Communist pinko plot?
Capitalist greed?

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4045.
SPAM/PINKo/Commie
I think there's a connection
Someone call O. Stone!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4046.
F.atty, fetid food
D.uodenally dealing
A.n awful aching

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4047.
"SPAM, eggs, and white bread--
The breakfast of champions!"
--Olympic loser

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4048.
"I'll spank you with SPAM
If you lick it from my toes."
--Fetishist's want ad

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4049.
"I dreamt I was chased
By a pig-loving tin can."
--Miss Piggy to shrink

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4050.
For 2 days and nights
It rained SPAM in his bedroom
Bad LSD trip

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4051.
White supremacists
Rally in their SPAM-same trucks
Square pink-meat riders

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4052.
It's an acquired taste
SPAM? Yuuccchhh! SPAM? Eeeeeww! SPAM again?
SPAM--Hmmmm. SPAM--YUMMM! SPAMMMMM!!!

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4053.
5:30 AM
Decaf coffee-stained spamku
Insomnia's gift

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4054.
President Clinton
Admits, "I did eat SPAM once,
But didn't swallow."

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4055.
The smell of fried SPAM--
A remembrance of things past
For less high-class Prousts.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4056.
The madman insists
That he only killed those men
Because they were SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4057.
The scene of the crime:
A chalk outline of a pig
And a can of SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4058.
The tarot reader
Turns over the final card--
No! Not "The SPAM Can"!

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4059.
Campfire memory:
Sizzling so salaciously,
Scrambled eggs and SPAM.

--Scott Barnard

4060.
Eating SPAM is like
listening to maiden aunts
reliving their youth.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4061.
Lee Harvey Oswald
went to Russia, but he missed
SPAM. So he came back.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4062.
OK, that makes three
Oswald haiku I have done.
Time to knock it off.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4063.
SPAM on the griddle
sizzles just like real food does.
Impersonation.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4064.
City kids use SPAM
for bases in stickball game.
"Slide!" SPLAT "Disgusting!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4065.
Duke Nukem 3D:
"I'm gonna rip off your head
and SPAM down your throat!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4066.
SPAM in fax machine
results in illegible
fax. And repair bills.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4067.
Put a wad of SPAM
into your front pants pocket.
It's a nice feeling.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4068.
Counting syllables
incessantly? So am I.
Welcome to the club.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4069.
"I can eat fifty
eggs," says Luke. But will he eat
SPAM? "No bet," he says.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4070.
Sid and Marty Kroft's
short-lived Sixties kiddie show:
H. R. Puff 'N SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4071.
Mary Tyler Moore
never said, "Oh, Mr. Grant!
SPAM me! SPAM me hard!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4072.
On the other hand,
if she had said that, it would
have been pretty cool.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4073.
Loma Prieta:
Post-earthquake meal included
SPAM and Cheez Whiz. Yum!

--Hud Nordin, hud@netcom.com

4074.
Is it going down
Or is it coming back up
Hard to know with SPAM

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4075.
Offering her SPAM
"I must be going," she says
Another blind date

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4076.
Open the cupboard
Hear the call of the blue can
Pink contents beckon

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4077.
What's in the blue can?
Well, who the hell really knows
The SPAM enigma

--Eric Mendelson, efrank@dimensiondata.com

4078.
Son thought he loved SPAM
Then he asked me to buy some
His love disappeared

--Howard, HOWMPLS@worldnet.att.net

4079.
SPAM has some meaning.
It means that cow, pig, and salt
Can live peacefully.

--Anonymous

4080.
I saw a dead rat
And sat down to write SPAMku
What's the connection?

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4081.
Somewhere in this can
Pig penises are lurking
Don't think about it

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4082.
Evita Peron
Wouldn't dream of eating SPAM
So we cried for her.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4083.
Cubed comedian
A tongue tickler in a tin
SPAM is canned laughter

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4084.
The bride pressed her luck:
One SPAM dinner too many.
"I want a divorce."

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4085.
"If you eat your SPAM,
I'll give you extra dessert."
"Go to hell, Mommy!"

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4086.
Tarzan of the Apes
Swings home to find SPAM frying
Birth of famous yell

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4087.
I built a club house.
My sister brought SPAMBURGERs.
Now it's "boys only."

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4088.
Hey, little cuckoo
Flutter down and share this SPAM.
"I'm not that cuckoo."

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4089.
Baby Jane Hudson
Serves SPAM carved like a rodent
Blanch spins her wheel chair

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4090.
Dancing down the beach
Jane returns with SPAM ice cream
Blanch dies quietly

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4091.
Tipping my head back,
SPAM glides slowly down the hatch.
Sore throat begets death.

--angies@wolfram.com

4092.
SPAM, fresh from the can
is an oxymoron like
a well-deserved TREET.

--angies@wolfram.com

4093.
Beavis and Butthead
Will eat nachos but not SPAM
Who says they're stupid?

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

4094.
That SPAM I am, that
SPAM I am, I do not like
that SPAM I am, not.

--Ju Lie

4095.
"Give it to Mikey."
"Yeah, he will eat anything!"
Kaddish for the child.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4096.
Guards at the border
prevent SPAM from entering
90210.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4097.
Portnoy, as a boy,
finds the liver much too rough.
Uses SPAM instead.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4098.
Groucho Marx first sang
"Hello, I must be going"
when Mom fed him SPAM.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4099.
Shot of audience
from inside a small blue tin:
Letterman SPAM-Cam.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4100.
Letterman with prize.
"Hey, who wants a Big-Ass SPAM?"
No one raises hand.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage